I have a brother who is an Alcoholic. He has had a drinking problem for many years but he has now reached his lowest point. He is homeless, jobless and has burnt his bridges as far as family and friends are concerned. We are trying to find him help and somewhere to go. We are not sure what to do. I do know that he will not accept the help if he doesn't want it, but I really think he will. PLEASE give some advice as to what we should do as a family. As heartless as this sounds we do not want him moving in with us. My mother has since passed away as she was always his last resort.
Hi Trisha, welcome to MIP. As you probably know it is almost impossible to help and alcoholic who doesn't want help. Many of us have fought the admission that we are alcoholics almost to our last breath. There are a couple of things you can do though. First thing is to make contact with your local office of Alcoholics Anonymous. There you can obtain some suitable pamphlets and a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. If you place the pamphlets somewhere where your brother can read them, chances are he will, and a seed will be planted. Meanwhile read the book yourself. It is a great educational resource and will give you some more ideas on how to proceed. At the same time see if you can find a male member of AA who is willing to help your brother. Give him as much information as you can and work out a plan together. I can't preempt how that AA member might deal with the situation, but it might go something like this... Most of us alcoholics have had times in our drinking careers where we desperately want help. It's like a window of opportunity, we have some kind of disaster with the booze, are filled with remorse, and we would be willing to do anything to stop drinking and avoid a repeat performance. The window might only be open for a few hours before the denial returns, so having a good plan is quite important. When the alcoholic is in one of these windows, you ask him if he wants help and if he does, you tell him you know a man who can help him and ask if he would be willing to see this man. If yes, you quickly call over your AA contact. We have found that one alcoholic talking to another can accomplish things that others have been unable to do. While it may not work the first time, your brother will have made a start and may well begin to make progress. For your family and yourself there is a fellowship called Alanon for the family and friends of alcoholics which is well worth contacting. Not wanting him in your house is understandable and certainly not cruel and heartless. I found myself in a similar situation with my family and friends and it was a major factor in making me want to get help. The above is just a very short note. You can find out much more by talking to your local AA face to face, and there will be some more helpful replies on this site also.
I would post this on the alanon site. Alanon is the best resource for you guys (his family) to get support for dealing with him.
I can suggest that the county sponsored rehab would be a place to start and then a halfway house after that. I don't know what funds if any he has, but halfway houses usually charge like 150 bucks a week. They may hold off on rent for a bit with the expectation that a person will find a job. Or, if someone has disability, they will take the money from there. That is a much saner and helpful option to the alcoholic moving in with family in my opinion It puts them in charge of their own recovery and that is how it needs to be anyhow.
In support,
Mark
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P.S. - If he is truly indigent now, there are social workers at the county facilities that can work on getting him medicaid and such while he is in rehab and some of his treatment could be funded by that.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Aloha Trisha...Salvation Army and similar programs can help and often have close ties thru their fellowships with AA. AA is what worked for me so I can only talk about what worked for me. I can only honestly say that it worked for me when I was ready as it has for the great majority of other fellows I work the program with. You can call the AA central office in your town and see if they have a fellowship who will make outside 12th step calls. I've done these and still if he isn't ready then he isn't ready. The first step is to make the call...turn the outcome of that call over to God as you understand God and watch what happens next.
You might also call the Al-Anon hotline (white pages of your local telephone book) to see where and when they meet so you can go and sit and listen with an open mind how others have been affected like you and your family and what they have since found out.
You can also click on to the Al-Anon board hear and ask questions or the like for yourself.
I have a brother who is an Alcoholic. He has had a drinking problem for many years but he has now reached his lowest point. He is homeless, jobless and has burnt his bridges as far as family and friends are concerned. We are trying to find him help and somewhere to go. We are not sure what to do. I do know that he will not accept the help if he doesn't want it, but I really think he will. PLEASE give some advice as to what we should do as a family. As heartless as this sounds we do not want him moving in with us. My mother has since passed away as she was always his last resort.