I thought I would share some recent events where God has done for me what I could never do on my own. God and The Program in action.
Yesterday was the final mediation meeting for my upcoming divorce. My wife and I have been separated for 7 months. Spiritually, emotional and physical incompatiable for several years. Without getting into too much detail- The Program changed the person I once was. Thank God. My wife wasn't attracted to the new me and I wasn't attracted to her any longer. I grew, she didn't- and she has no interest in working on herself. There were issues in our relationship that were unacceptable and in the past I settled for it. My part- not hers.
The Promises materialized over time after walking through the 12 steps. I started to love who and what I was. God provided me with a new freedom and a new hapiness. A new attitude and outlook on life. Confidence to establish boundaries and to take care of myself.
Fear of people and confrontation is one of the remaining promises to materialize, but there's been progress. With much Spiritual preparation I walked into the mediation yesterday with a feeling that this was the road God paved. I let God walk into the building first- holding the door for him. During the proceedings I had that six sense the BB speaks about- A god consciousness. The meeting went well- no fear, but faith.
The kicker in all this is, I tried to do this a year ago and my fear paralysis me and I called it off. They say if you're going against Gods will, it will be painful. The next 6 months prior to our separation were emotionally painful.
I don't know what God has planned for me, but I have faith in trust in him and the fellowship who have walked this road ahead of me. I hope some day I have the opportunity to share my experience to next Alcoholic who starts down this path.
Though slightly different, I can identify with a lot of that.
The promises are amazing things. Then again the whole program is an amazing thing. I was told that if I followed the path certain things would happen and - when I followed the path - those things happened, and they were even better than I thought they'd be.
very inspiring Mike - thanks for sharing! I can relate to changing due to the program (already even though I'm only on step 4), and looking at relationships differently. Thinking and praying for you during this hard time : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Aloha Mike B...I always hook on to the "absence of fear" as when that door was taken off of its hinges spiritual growth began in earnest. The absence of fear was replaced with the presence of love and isn't it fact that Love is the name of God very often and Love is also HP's will and character. My most earnest lesson on meditaton with my elder sponsor was that a sustained focus on a spiritual truth would be simple and able to be carried out 24/7 and for me that spiritual truth is "God is" and that remains 24/7.
It no long is so much "work for them" as it is "practice these principles in all our affairs". Recovery has become habit and drinking is no longer a justified choice.
Sound like the "Trudge" has turned into a beautiful journey. ((hugs))
I happened a little differently for me, as I tried for 2 years to get sober and keep the marriage going. I chose sobriety and let the marriage go. Stayed out of relationships for 3.5 years (dated here and there), then met wife #2 after moving to Florida. That was 19 years ago, and what a smooth ride, we've never had an arguement. Saw the x-wife last weekend as I was picking up a motorcycle that I had lent my son to use for awhile. She hasn't changed a bit, still drinking, makes fun of everything that is important to others. My gratitude is stronger than ever.
Dean, I tried for 2 years to get sober and keep the marriage going. I chose sobriety and let the marriage go.
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I guess in a nut shell that's what I did too. For 3 1/2 years I worked on recovery and tried to keep the marriage afloat. Always hoping that it would work out. I took one road, her another.
I realized over time that we were incompatiable in many ways- mainly spiritually and emotionally. I wanted to continue my spiritually journey and the marriage had to go. No regrets! God knows more about what I need than I do. Good thing, my best thinking is not always beneficial to me and others.
I really liked those 20 questions typ ones to help to decide if you are an alcoholic or not. I passed with flying colours everytime, it was the one thing in life I was good at back then lol. The answer to your question - I was so full of fear because self reliance failed me, and the answer is to trust God.
I have stayed out of this thread as I was single when I came ito AA and have never been through a divorce, though I remember one chap joking about his as he was drunk when he got married and when he sobered up he realised what a mistake he made.
I did however lose my wife of nearly 20 years and my faith in God to help us through was again justified. I would imagine divorce must be similar and all I can say is trust God, it will be alright. It always has been.
I really liked those 20 questions typ ones to help to decide if you are an alcoholic or not. I passed with flying colours everytime, it was the one thing in life I was good at back then lol. The answer to your question - I was so full of fear because self reliance failed me, and the answer is to trust God.
I have stayed out of this thread as I was single when I came ito AA and have never been through a divorce, though I remember one chap joking about his as he was drunk when he got married and when he sobered up he realised what a mistake he made.
I did however lose my wife of nearly 20 years and my faith in God to help us through was again justified. I would imagine divorce must be similar and all I can say is trust God, it will be alright. It always has been.
God bless,
Mike H.
Mike,
As they say in the Southern US, thats a winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Like you, I havent't been through a divorce either but I can only imagine how difficult it would be and woulc certainly test the strength of your program.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Thank you for your kind words Dean, I am very touched. You know, every once in a while I meet up with the woman (in the fellowship) who I was all set to marry at about 10 weeks sober, and those same tears of gratitude appear. I am so grateful I didn't get my own way back then, God had better things in mind for me.
Oh, looks like I just won a chicken dinner haha, it really does keep getting better!
God bless, Mike.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Monday 26th of March 2012 09:33:53 PM
I did however lose my wife of nearly 20 years and my faith in God to help us through was again justified. I would imagine divorce must be similar and all I can say is trust God, it will be alright. It always has been.
God bless,
Mike H.
You know, I started to think (mistake #1 lol) and wanted to write that divorce is worse than "losing" someone because you get all of the sadness from the loss plus the anguish that the person is still alive, but unavaible to you. I believed this forever, right up until just now. . A relationship ending, due to incompatibility, or loss of interest, typically hurts only because we want what we can't have. Once I set a boundary for myself, that I don't want anything that doesn't want me, I felt better.
On the other hand, "Losing" someone that you love and the person never stopped loving you, has got to be harder to deal with, as it wasn't the love that was lost, it was the person who got lost. And there will never be another oportunity to have "another chance" at it. I see me x-wife ocassionally and tears of gratitude stream from my consiousness, for the ending of that relationship 23 years ago. Deepest sympathies MikeH.
