My name is Steve and I am an alcoholic.
That's only the second time I've said that, the first being at my first aa meeting this morning. Has quite a ring to it... In a way though I'm almost relEived to have finally pulled the trigger and decided to get it together.
Like most people on here, I'm sure, I have tried unsuccessfully to moderate my drinking in the past. Usually it works for a couple weeks before the blackouts return. I have finally had enough because i was starting to engage in seriously dangerous and destructive behavior. I have never been to jail, been beaten up, or anything like that but not for lack of trying. I realized I have been driving drunk on a regular basis lately, sneaking drinks, and stopping for a couple on my way home from work more and more. I haven't experienced tragedy, but I decided to get my shit together before I do something to ruin my life. I just turned 30 and I have a beautiful wife and 1 year old baby girl, and I can't bear the thought of losing them.
My wife basically told me I had to give up the drinking because Friday night she came in to find me completely passed out in our daughters room while she was crying. I am actually relieved I don't have to try to moderate and bargain with myself, and hide my drinking anymore... I am 100% finished but I know I need the support of aa if its going to last.
I'm tired of being sorry; I'm tired of having to wonder what I did.
I was too proud to admit I had a problem. I drank expensive good beer, so i couldn't possibly have a problem - alcoholics drink cheap vodka and malt liquor, right? Besides, I deserved to take the edge off after a hard day, right? So what if I pounded 6 beers before going to dinner? Our little secret... I'm so happy to finally be taking steps to put those days behind me.
It's going to take time to earn my wife's trust again- and I am willing to do so one day at a time.
I went to a meeting today and was pleasantly surprised. Everyone was so welcoming and inviting. I really felt like these complete strangers really did care for me. I am ready to do the painful work needed to get better knowing that there is this wonderful system in Place. I don't know that I belive in god, so the higher power part is going to take some mental gymnastics but I'm willing to try.
I thank you for bearing with my rambling... It is uncomfortable to talk about myself so much but I needed to get this off my chest.
Aloha Steve and welcome to the board. Tons of alcoholics on the otherside of you post dealing with the memories of how we got here, what we found out and what we do today. Stay sick and tired of being sick and tired...work on that cause it is one of the keys to the locked door to sobriety. When I first got into recovery I didn't even know what alcoholism was or what it mean't to me...it was someone elses problem and I didn't know who's. As for the Power Greater than Steve...save the big discover to time and support and for now just chant a quiet "Thank You" when you remember you are not drinking now.
I'm in support of what you're thinking you want to do...I remember when and when I remember I also remember I wasn't alone either and had hundreds of recovering members holding me up.
Hi Steve and welcome. A really good first step that post of yours. Don't worry about finding a God of your understanding, just yet. Many of us felt like that, but it's not a pre-requisite of recovery. The three things you really need you just demonstrated - honesty, openmindedness, and willingness. For a lot of us God made His presence felt some way through the steps rather than at the start. The feeling of having a relationship with our creator seems to be more of a result of these steps than anything. Anyway, you've made a great start, keep going to meetings and find a sponsor.
Thank you all for the kind Words of welcome. In general I think I'll be doing a lot more listening than posting around here at first. I feel good about this... It's something I've been wondering if I need to do for about 3 years so it's really nice to have my path clear for now
Hi Steve, glad your here! Really sounds like your ready make a positive change, and believe me, quitting the booze is a very positive change! Thanks for sharing, dolly
