First off let me introduce myself, my name is theresa. I am a soon to be 30 year old mother of 2, a wife, a daughter, a friend and a sister. I have decided to live a sober life, right now I can not say how long I will be doing so, because its to hard to think about. I'm taking it one day at a time.

Here is my story, I came from a middle class family of "bikers", I never really remember my mother drinking, but I do remember my father enjoy his beer. I remember sitting in the back seat of the car and my dad driving us to my grandparents house, and him asking me to hand him a beer. To me then it was like handing my mother a "Coke". Now Im just thankful I didn't wind up in wheel chair, or worse my dad kill someone and him wind up in jail.

My mother started drinking when my parents joined the "HOG" group for those that do not know what that is , it stands for "harleys owners group" I remember being 10 yrs old and being stuck at home for hours on end left to fend for myself while my parents stayed out and partied day and night. I remember my mom stumbling in the door, and smoking a cig while she passed out and burnt holes in the couch. She was pretty funny and smiley and goofy till someone pissed her off, as the years went by the fights started being closer together.

Today my mother is a drunk and though i live 2000 miles away from her if i talk to her while she is drinking she causes a fight. Says hurtful and just sickning things so I have closed myself off to her because of her disease. She does not want help. My dad enjoys his beer as he normally always has nothing to crazy I have never had an issue with his drinking. Now my first drink of alchol was when I was prolly 16 yrs old, of course the point of drinking was to get drunk so thats what we did, sadly it didn't end there. I didn't regularly drink till my now husband turned 21 and he could buy us alchol, on the weekends we would have parties and drink till we couldn't walk straight basically. Once i turned 21 I could leaglly go to the bars and so i did with my friends, we would dance, sing karokee and drink the same way. Of course there was no reason to drink unless you wanted to get drunk right. This continued pretty much once a wk sometimes twice, i did keep a job and, pay my bills and I was very responsible, except when it came to drinking.

Now I am at the ripe old age of 30, my drinking continued the same way, though at times it wasn't as heavy and at times there were nights of 10 or more drinks. The problem was that I devoloped depression and so that intereacted with my medication, once i got to a certain level of intoxication if someone was to say something to upset me, i could become violent and conferntational. I also tried to commit sucide in 2011, I was in ICU for 2 days and the 5th floor for 4... I have known for a while that my drinking has been a problem, because when i go out i can't just have 1. One turns into 5.

The problem I am having now is that I can't stop thinking about having a drink, its always on my mind, and its upsetting to me that I cant control how much I drink when I go out like a normal person. When I'm home I can have 1 or 2 beers and call it good. But when I go out its like a switch goes off and i go into "party mode". I'm having a hard time and doing my best to stay sober for myself and my sanity. I go to councling and have joined this message board. I myself believe I do have a drinking problem, I dont believe that I am an "Aloholic' but maybe I'm just fooling myself. I'm trying to learn new ways of having fun and surrounding myself in atmospheres that drinking isn't the main source of entertainment... I just needed to unload this is a safe place. Thank you for those who took the time to read, sorry for it being so long!