I hope you're feeling better. I agree with Jerry on this one. There's no justification for drinking no matter what. Yeah, there are times when drinking may seem like a suitable alternative to pain somehow, but not for alcoholics like myself. It may comfort me at first, but it's not a solution for long term anxiety, now is it? You might enjoy the first drink, but it's only the first one. It may provide a temporary reprieve somehow, but what happens next is more important. That's when we? You fill in the blank from here. My suggestion, be a parent not a friend; and instruct your kids in a way that makes parenting effective and not a chore. If they respect the way you deal with them now than they will respect your decision making in the future. It's that simple. Just don't drink over this; it will only complicate things further. I hope this helps...
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 16th of March 2012 01:56:01 AM
We're going to sell our house and move 89 miles north, so my wife is closer to her job. We are re-modeling, de-cluttering and keeping an almost two-year old safe and out-of-the-way. I'm finding my serenity elusive and day 148 of sobriety felt like pure luck. I'm having a problem accepting what I can't change and finding serene courage to do what must be done...on a deadline. When I was an active drunk I thrived on deadlines. Panic...accomplish...get praised and drunk. Now I can't seem to get past panic. How do I turn-over something that NEEDS MUST I BE DOIN'? God isn't gonna make my kids cull their possessions, clean up their rooms or volunteer to help.
Aloha Rob...time to look at all of the old justifications to drink and the standbys and the ones I never had thought about yet...No matter how hard I looked and for how long once I was done...no matter how much I could see myself with a beer or something harder in my hand...I had no further justifications to drink other than making myself incapable of being responsible for my life and actions while I was down. Funny how I use to have to massage and twist and remold that one even to try to consider using it.
Polevaulting over anthills says it all for me about how I use to think, act and feel. There is no justification.
Try looking at the emotion fear and see what is coming up for you. Fear of, Fear from, Fear to. I'm remembering old timer sponsors suggestion under these conditions..."Don't think...Don't drink...go to a meeting or and dive into the literature."
Good to hear from you and don't relax on the time you've had...work with the time you have now.
Hi Rob, there is a saying which I am sure you know. God never sends us more than we can handle in one day, and all he asks is that we do our best today. Take a few moments to pray about this and listen for the answers. Ask for help from your family, let them know how you are feeling. Try to avoid burning up energy worrying abpout tomorrow. Maybe you can look back on other times that you have felt like this, and maybe the things you were worying about never happened. That has been my experience. these days whenever I am in a tight spot, I just do what I can and leave the results to God. And on every occasion it has turned out OK, which is the basis of my faith today that no matter what happens, it will be alright Rob. In a month or two you will be wondering what all the fuss was about.
Hey Rob, it's no secret that moving and selling a home are stressful events. It's not You, it's normal to experience some stress. The key here is to share it, half it, realize that all of us go through it, none of died as a result, and you will make it too. Obviously you and your wife, made some good decisions and are executing your plan. Just time to put you head down a plow through it. Soon you'll be in your new home thinking "what was I all jacked up about"? We moved about 4 years ago, out of a home that we'd lived in for 13 years. It was the first home my wife and I had bought and lived in together. It was a sanctuary early on, as I was coming out of some difficult family issues involving a guardianship of my father. I thought that I'd miss living there. 3-4 months in the new house and I was laughing about my perceived thoughts of my future feelings. My brain, once again was Waaaaay out there in the future, determining what was going to happen and how I was going to feel, totally wrong. lol Worst thing you can do is pay a lot of attention to your brain.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 16th of March 2012 08:04:19 AM
Rob, I've similiar experiences as the others here. In stressful situations I tend to blow everything out of proportion and over-react. I don't like ripples on my pond.
But, some days a wind picks up and there's ripples and sometimes waves. On those days I hold my faith tight and may have to paddle a little harder to get to the other side, but I get there as long as I stay out of steering the vessel. Then, I look back on those days and get upset at myself for all the trouble I put myself through and realize it wasn't that bad.
A meditation mantra might help here. Close your eyes and say "All I can do is my best with my HP's help" and then BELIEVE IT! Truly, all you can do is your best and if it doesn't get done perfect or in the right time, oh well. You did your best. Not worth killing yourself over. Not worth losing your priorities and sanity over. Do your best and leave the rest to God.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"God isn't gonna make my kids cull their possessions, clean up their rooms or volunteer to help." No, but I bet if you get off somewhere quiet, do some healthy deep in/out breathing and just ask for guidance, obstacles will begin to resolve, melt away, or at least seem to matter less in the stressful aspect. Works for me-- of course I fought it for a long time before giving it a fair chance. Now it's one of my top go-to tools.
hi Rob, hope your birthday was a mini vacation, even if it was only in your mind. mental vacations are good, too... on responsibilities and chores ..... something that helps me, like having the steps broken down into 12 steps (and since i love puzzles, i look forward to finding the next pieces place) is i break everything down into little steps, make a list of hardest to easiest, and i start at the bottom of the list. doing the easiest chore first. it gets me motivated seeing how far up the list i got (doing the manageable chores first, my confidence is gets stronger, and i thank God as i make my way through the list. when things get tougher, i am already in conversation with God and i talk my way through it discussing my thoughts with God. i actually get excited, excitement is contagious and kids love excitement and crossing things off "the family list" they are 'helping' and of course there is some kind of reward for completing the list. for me, it is going out to a nice latte and scone. stay in the solution not the problem... problems are negative, solutions are positive. i polevault over anthills when i try to fix things on my own. not preaching, just sharing what works for me. take care and God bless. oh, as for culling toys, maybe ask them which toys they are willing to share with kids who don't have any toys.... kids who have lost their homes to tornadoes or fire.... it gets them thinking how much they have, enough to share...
-- Edited by jj on Wednesday 21st of March 2012 11:12:11 AM
Thanks ya'll. I've got no worries. All I can do is my best and ask for my HP's help. Like ya said. I hear and thank you all for your suggestions and support. It will all be exactly as it should be and I will accept it. One Day At A Time. - Rob
When I feel this way, I like to write a list down on paper of what I can realistically accomplish TODAY. Breaking it down into manageable chunks and then feeling a sense of progress when I cross the items off somehow makes everything feel less overwhelming.
