When working with others who relapse do you continue with the step they are working on when they relapse or do you go back to the beginning. With the grace of my higher power I have been able to maintain my sobriety thus far. I was taught to share my experience, strength and hope. I went into the AA program with the same zeal that I had when I was on a mission to get drunk. I embraced the program and the people like I used to embrace my alcoholism. I have learned that it is not to be trusted and that it will present itself in any shape or form to distract me from my sobriety, including sometimes I think when working with others. An example for me would be if I was reading a book that I had to take a test on. If I did not pass the test it was either because I was in too much of a hurry or because I skipped over something thinking I had a handle on it or that I did not need it. So the only way I could pass when retaking the test was to go back and reread the book. Myself not having experience with having a slip I can not very well second guess someone elses thinking. Also what do the rest of you do when you have someone you are working with who seems to think they are there for a social event and ignore everything? Or what do you do when all of the sudden a person tells you that they are not sure they never want to drink again? Do you continue to work on the steps with them or do you move on? I know what your thinking and what I have been taught ask your sponsor. Coming from a small community I would really like to have some outside experience, strength and hope.
Great post DP, lots of food for thought. In my experience God is ultimately in charge of who gets it and who doesn't and sometimes the way that plays out is completely baffling. There is the story of one of our founders who tried to sober up drunks for 6 months with not a single success story.... except, he suddenly realised, he had stayed sober himself. So it is true that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking than intensive work with other alcholics. So trying to help somone else is as much about our own recovery as it is about the other fellows.
The first question I have when asked to sponsor someone is are you willing to go to any lengths? Why, because that's what it takes to recover. The idea that AA has a suggested program needs to be properly understood. It doesn't mean you can take the parts you like and leave the rest and expect to get the same results. It means that our fellowship has a program which it would like to suggest in its entirety, as means of recovery, among other possible options. If you take up our suggested programme, then to get what we got, you must do what we did, not just bits of it. Those that wrote the book recorded what they had to do, the lengths they had to go to to get what the book describes. There is nothing optional about it.
Many who slip attribute it to some part of the steps they either could not or would not do, mostly in the house cleaning area. My inclination however would be to go back and look again at the first step because a reservation has appeared. I accept I am an alcoholic and can never drink safely again, and my life has become unmanageable and I am willing to go to any lengths ...except that. e.g tell you about this secret, make amends to that person, take an inventory of myself and let you see the real me etc etc. If the person is no longer willing to go to any lengths, what can I do? Not much in the context of AA as I know that it is not possible to skimp on the steps and recover, so I'm not going to lie to the guy. I don't know how to get sober any other way than whole heartedly embracing our programme. So I remain available because he might change his mind, but I don't have the power to change it for him. Others who slip, possibly the majority, do so because they fail to appreciate the urgency of their situation. They stay in an endless cylce around the first 3 steps, always having a reason (there's no rush, it's not a race, I need to get step 3 good and solid) why they need not get on with the next step. They squander the window of opportunity that God has given them. In truth these ones are not willing to go to any lengths either, and again I am powerless over that. It's their business.
The foreword to the second addtion of the BB says (and this is a qualified statement) that of those who came to AA and really tried (that is to say whole heartedly embraced the programme and took all the steps) 50% recovered immediately and another 25% after one or two relapses, or words to that effect. A very high recovery rate but it only apples to those who took the medicine of AA. They don't count those who didn't try. It is my observation that that statement is as true today as when it was first written. Rarely have I seen a person fail who has thoroughly follllowed our path, and never have I seen a person succeed who has not thoroughly followed our path.
