I have heard it suggested that a newly sober alcoholic should write down where you want to be and what you want to have and be like after five years in AA, and that it is most likely you will sell yourself well short.
There were two things for me. Firstly I wanted to be a taxi driver. An honorable profession for sure but my reasoning was that I liked driving cars and reading books, so I could sit on a taxi stand all day reading and occasionally driving - a perfect existence to my way of thinking. However the police would not allow me to have a taxi license, and God steered me into something better.
Then I got the idea that at the ripe old age of 23 I ought to be settled down, wife, children, house, white picket fence and I quickly found my way into a chaotic relationship with a woman who had a State house and pre-existing children and dad's shoes just waiting for me to step into. I thought this was just the right thing for me to be doing but God had a different plan. Big upheaval, out on my ear after just a few weeks, painful lessons learned. My sponsor said later he was on the edge of his seat for that one.
So those were my two big ideas on how my sober life should go, and after that I decided to let God make the decisons. And life has turned out sooo much better than anything I could have imagined back then. And if I couldn't imagine it, how can it be my work? I didn't have a clue. The changes that happened within seemed to occur without any effort from me,(except steps and meetings) and externally, things always fell into place in just the right way at just the right time.
Obviously I would have sold myself short. How about you guys?
I didn't sell myself short when it came to my life. At least I don't think I did. After 10+years of continuous sobriety and numerous years trying to figure out what I wanted to do, I settled into a life of simplicity and mediocrity. I no longer crave those attention filled days of grandiosity and vain ambitions, but I don't give up on trying to better myself somehow either. I'd rather live in quiet seclusion than spin my yarn in total darkness. It's that simple. I love life today, regardless of my occupation and I will never take it for granted anymore like I did. I'd rather spend time doing meaningless work than sell my soul for the demands of wealth and prestige. Basically, I don't enjoy fairy tales anymore, I just enjoy being happy. And believe me; it doesn't get any better than this. Who knows how I'll feel 5 years from now, but that's my story today and I'm sticking to it. I hope you find your moment of clarity Mike, because God knows you're deserving of one.
