Yesterday was the 12th anniversary of my dad's death. I spent some time with my Mum and mys sister and her husband.
It was a difficult day for me becuase I don't fit what 'others' seem to expect. Harsh as it seems, it was a big relief for me when dad died. Although he did do lot's of good stuff, he also did some not good stuff. I was glad to be out from under.
I find it hard that here we are 12 years later and some family members still revere him as a saint. At least Mum can be honest and declare that he could be 'a bad bugger' at times, but some people seem to remember him as a cross between Nelson Mandela, Sergeant Rock and Mother Theresa's brother.
so I was criticised for not bringing a wreath (not something I do these days), for not joining in the hero worship, for not displaying the correct level of emotional distress. That's OK, I was being true to myself and deliberately not voicing my opinions nor pushing my points at anyone.
It upset me to see my Mum so upset, it upset me to see my sister pushin booze at my Mum, it cheered me that she managed to discreetly dispose of it, I had a good day with Mum, was useful and supportive to her and stayed out of the madness.
All told, a good result.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Its is odd that "the family" can be such a stress factory. It was that way for us as well. Sometimes what you did--showing up and just quietly taking a bit of heat--but being true to yourself--is the way to manage the situation. You walked in with your head up, and walked out the same. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Good to hear you could suit up and show up and be of service to your Mother. Nice to see you could ignore the insanity around you.
To thine own self be true. We don't have to pretend to be anybody we're not today. We don't kneel before anyone, except the loving God of our understanding.
It amazing the effects of alcoholism on family members whether they're Alcoholic or not. The symptoms become easier to spot once you work The Program for awhile.
(((BB))) you're growing, Mum's done some also and some haven't much. I'm grateful for you talking how you handled it cause that is what another alcoholic can use. This disease affects everyone it comes in contact with.
I can relate to that same feeling of frustration Bill, as you did. My father has been gone three years this march and some of my family members still believed that we mistreated him somehow. He told everyone that we were abusing him and we weren't. The truth is, we did everything possible to accommodate him, but his side of the family doesn't believe any of that. They still stick to his side of the story and that's a crying shame. If they knew the God's honest truth, these questions wouldn't exist then. So what I try to do today instead, is become an example for others to follow, regardless how others respond. And that's because of this program. So thank you, Bill, for the reminder and proving beyond any shred of doubt what true humility looks like.
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 28th of February 2012 03:23:06 AM
So typical for a family, or some of the members, to be in denial about another of it's members. Although the definition of the word Codependent is "with-dependent" (or addict), Codependency is a stage of development that very young children go through, where they are very clingy to their parents, for survival. It's also necessary for children to believe that their parents are perfect, for their emotional security. Eventually most of us learn that our parents are just human with flaws.
