My heart goes out to you Chester. You have to know that if that innocent angel was able to communicate with you right now, she would emit that same warmth and radiance that she did on her last night. If she could, she would implore you to NOT destroy yourself over this. In fact, the program can bring you closer to her by communing with your HP. Prayers to you and your family. Tom
-- Edited by turninggrey on Sunday 19th of February 2012 08:36:15 PM
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Sorry to hear about your situation. May I be the first to offer up my condolences Chester on the loss of your granddaughter. I'll be praying for a fitting outcome sir, that's the least I can do. Wouldn't it be fitting to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that time wasn't spent in vain. It's through struggles like this that our true character emerges, and molds us ever so delicately into a more refined image of ourselves -even through our darkest hours. So be on the lookout, my friend, because things can start to look up even as we speak.
Recreating the life you once knew is our primary purpose now, and everyone here on "MIP" will support you in any way we can. We will help you see the light of day even in your hour of need. Losing someone precious in sobriety like your granddaughter is one thing, and forgoing the inevitable is another. Alcohol can't compensate you for that loss like recovery can. It may seem hard at first, but there's hope brewing on the horizon, my friend, and nothing is ever set in stone.
The kaleidoscope is always changing Chester, but very few wait for the outcome. They struggle with the idea of losing something in return. And that's why so many of us struggle in sobriety. We don't wait for the benefit. Remember, in every adversity there is a seed of equal or greater benefit. All we have to do is listen and wait. You successfully navigated your way through years of abuse and now face the agonizing prospect of losing something greater than just another sober date. It's your granddaughter who enjoyed those close knit moments while she was alive, and that in itself was a miracle -especially when we factor in our alcoholism. And a fitting end to all of this would be you, Chester the sober grandfather, honoring her memory by giving yourself the precious gift of lasting sobriety. So don't feel hopeless Chester; breathe some life into those bones of yours and start reaping the rewards of this sober life, once again.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 19th of February 2012 02:58:53 AM
Hi Well still not drinking yea!!. I guess I should say a bit about what happened to me. i had just gone through a life saving operation and needed 8 months to recover. all was well. No drinking not smoking cigs no more and feeling alot better about myself and where i was going.. Then came Oct 23.11. I was visiting my daughter. She had at that time a 6 year old son and a 5 month old baby girl. The baby was the love of my life and everyone knew it. I used to like to walk in and say hey pretty girl and her eyes would light up and she would start that kicking thing they do and the biggest smile would come on her face. My daughter asked me if I had any plans and asked if I could watch the grandchildren for the night and stay over. I said sure. She had not gone out in a very long time and needed some fun. That night my grandson and I played Mario on the wii all night and the grandaughter was beside me propt up on the sofa. I told my grandson that maybe baby should have a turn at the tv and we put barnney on. I put her in one of those chairs that hold up kids. The look in her eyes was very funny. Like whats the big purple thing running around and singing, I videoed her on my phone. Her face was wonderful and full of amazment. Then I took one of my grandsons trains he gave me to help teach her crawl and vidioed that. Boy was she working at it. Well she got the train. I was so happy for her and I thought her we go shes on the move watchout. I put her to bed and when I layed her down and said good night pretty girl she gave me the biggest smile i had ever seen. When my daughter got home I told her about Barney and crawling. I remember my daughters face and she said " Dad she really loves you". Everyone went to bed and all was well. At about 8 in the morning I was outside having a coffee on the porch. and my daughter was screaming "Dad shes not breathing". My whole life has been spent helping other people when in a crisses. My daughter ran down the stairs and handed her to me and I started cpr and rescue breathing and it was't working. I tried and tried and tried and tried. The ambulance came and told me not to stop untill they got set up and thats what I did. Off in the ambulace she went with my daughter. She died and I failed at my job that Ive been trained for forever. The drinking started.
Hey man, Im really sorry to hear about what happened... this clearly wasnt your fault as you cared for the kid very much. I can understand why you would relapse onto alcohol in a situation like this, that is quite a hard thing to kind of accept. Sometimes in life really shitty things happen and I dont know why but I dont think your to blame for this happening...you might wanna try talking to someone who can help you sort this kind of thing out and understand what happened, as bad as it was, wasnt something you intended...alcohol is just gonna pull you down further...I dont know what to tell you other than im sorry..if i was in your position I would probably be be wanting to drink too...but as bad as a thing as it was, it was an accident...you didnt have any intention of the kid having this happen...I imagine your thinking of the family a lot and and finding alcohol as a way deal with it...that would be a really hard one...but it wasnt your fault...try talking to a professional who can help you understand what happened without you blaming yourself and feeling responsible...sometimes really shitty things happen, and sometimes were innocent.
My heart goes out to you, your daughter and your grandson. Without a doubt this experience has taken a toll on everyone.
I will only say at this time that my family has experienced the loss of a baby, twice. Two of my sisters lost children that were under a year old. And like yourself, they were so special to me and me to them. It took a while to get through the pain of it all. Be gentle on yourself. Try to remember, you didn't fail at the CPR... (I'll refrain from saying any more about this unless you ask)
Id like to know how we can expand on this. Open form cause I dont think me and you are the only one's that have endured a difficult death
Condolenses for the loss of your grand daughter. It's times like this that only spirituality can bring closure. Your family will be in my prayers. Please don't let this suck you back into active alcoholism, or there may be another loss in your family. We've all lost loved ones. It was a loss of a best friend that launched me into my latest attempt (22 years) at sobiety. I wasn't going to let Ronnie's death be in vain. I took a reason to drink and turned it into a mission to stay sober. It worked, so far.
I am glad that you were there, if that makes sense. As a mother, I would find some comfort in the fact that a trained person was available the moment I first noticed something was wrong with my child. Someone who immediately went to work on my child and continued until more trained people arrived. I can't imagine the extra heartache I would feel if I, or other untrained persons were the only ones available to fumble with cpr and rescue breathing until the medics arrived. I would forever be angry with myself for not having known how to do the proper breathing and I would forever wondered if I had been able to save my baby if I'd only had the proper training. You and your daughter know that every single thing possible had been done for your grandbaby - I hope you can find some small comfort in that.
First off, I am so very sorry for your loss. What is the solution in this though?
I have heard many members share going through horribly painful situations like you described and most were able to walk through it and not drink. Some did relapse. Of those that got through it without drinking, they stated that while the pain was awful, they were grateful they were able to be "present" for their family in ways they were never able to do before when crises hit. When you relapse after something like you described, you don't only have 1 tragedy on your hands, you have 2. It's bad enough for your daughter that her son died right? Not trying to guilt you cuz it sounds like you already blamed yourself for something that you had no control over. I could definitely see being angry at God and losing some measure of faith. But you are not God and you don't control whether people live or die right? We don't know the reasons why bad things happen to good people. This reminds me of a woman in one group I go to who now has 37 years sobriety. Her husband died suddenly and she stated that the emotional pain was so bad she was clutching a bottle of booze in one hand and the phone in the other hand sobbing before God apparently steered her to the phone to reach out to AA friends instead of drinking. Literature does state that there will be a time for each of us when the only thing standing between us and the next drink is the quality of our relationship with our higher power.
What you described is a terrible tragedy and I pray I never have to go through something like that. I think most of us can understand the reason for relapsing, but your share here is really important because all of us are going to have some terrible tragedies to endure and none of us wants to go out over them. There are some people in the world I would give my life up for to save them, but that is not the way God works when they are already gone. It won't ever help anyone for me to kill myself (drinking) because someone else is gone. Sadly that is the nature of our illness though. Something bad happens, we make it all about us, and we do harm to ourselves (unlike non alcoholics who do not engage in this form of self-sabotage).
I am glad you are here though and what you have been through is going to turn around and become your strength now that you have chosen recovery. Welcome back Chester. This is where you belong because not only are you getting your life back, but you can honor your granddaughter by helping us all stay sober through your experience, strength and hope as well.
Mark
P.S. - I know this is straight talk that borders on being insensitive almost (and I hate that I sound this way) but I also know condolences have not kept you sober and are not going to.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Chester, I read your post early this morning and I have been thinking about you and your loss all day, trying to think of what I can say to make you feel better-I have come up with nothing except I'm glad your here. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please keep coming back. Dolly
hi chester....so sorry for your loss...i am an EMT...i've never experienced such a loss...but i am sober..and i believe my Creator will help me endure all...he is there when all works for the best and he is there when you do everything you were trained to do, and it doesn't work...it's not your fault...you did the best you could...again, i'm sorry for your loss...just know that you did everything exactly right...we never know what our Creator has in mind for us... take heart in that fact...you are in im prayers...
