Welcome Yikes, there were many many days for me where I drank before my feet hit the floor in the mornings, and it sucked, That's why I'm sober now. The thought of having to live like that for as long as it took before I passed was just not an option anymore. I had to have more out of life than waiting to die. Make the change so you can help others make the change , that's the deal we make when we get sober, and it sounds like you have plenty of experience, strength, and hope to offer others, all it takes is the desire to stop drinking. If all you can muster up right now is the desire that's ok, the stopping part will come soon enough if you really want what we have to offer.
Again, welcome Yikes to the place it sounds like you belong. Read up, search threads, and most of all, begin to enjoy the life you were meant to.
Marc
-- Edited by The Addiction Club on Saturday 18th of February 2012 04:57:25 PM
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
I don't know if this is even appropriate to post here, either it's gonna be totally frowned upon, or you guys will "get" it. I am not sober. I want to be, yet I am not...yet. So, Somehow I sort of always knew. (Sorry if that sounds totally cliche.) I mean even as a child, I think I knew what I would turn into. Growing up in the 70's, in Buffalo, drinking was like an endurance sport....My parents, well, my dad drink a lot....at Christmas this year, he said to someone, "don't make fun of her, it's genetic" I was at once enraged and yet thinking, he's right.... If that sounds dumb, let me know. I used to think it was pretty normal to drink like I do, but I don't anymore. I went to a Christmas party (at my bosse's house, who incidentally is a huge drunk) with my boyfriend and when we got home, (he was driving) I got out of the truck and smacked my face into the side of the house, and then, when I recoiled from that, I fell face-first into the driveway. Gave myself a helluva black eye....woke up in the morning and totally thought I was dying. So I once again did that whole "I will never drink again thing" and made it for a day, but can't seem to get it right... At any rate, that was just one of the highlights of the last 15 years or so. (I'm 41) At some point in time, I don't even know when, I got to that point where I simply could NOT get through the day without a drink. If I must be honest, it's the first thing I think about before I even get out of bed in the morning.....and frankly, it sucks, and I would like to make a change......
Hi yikes, we're glad your here. I perused this board for months before I quit drinking, I think some of us just have to process for awhile before you decide it's time to quit. I am close to your age (a bit older) and what happened to me was I realized I am too old to "party". And I was "partying" by myself. And mostly, it stopped being fun I can't even remember when. The program of aa gives us the tools to laugh again, dream again, live again. Like TAC said, we were able to stop waiting to die. Keep coming back and I hope you can get to a meeting at some point. It only takes a desire to stop drinking. All my best, dolly
What you are describing was the worst phase of my drinking career. It was the portion where I knew I had a problem, but still could not stop and could not get myself to surrender. I still thought I could control it, "go on the wagon," use willpower.... I went 4 months on my own 1 time and then went back and the relapse from that was so bad that I came whimpering and crying into AA in total defeat. In retrospect, I had to go through the period you are describing in which I was so lost and hopeless yet still couldnt stop...I was certain I was going to die from my alcoholism. I recall falling backwards in a chair and smacking my head on a glass table so hard I had to go to the hospital the next day and had a concussion. I proceeded to get drunk the next night along with taking the vicodin that they gave me for the concussion. It was bad.
Anyhow, what seems like a hopeless spot for you now is really the perfect jumping off spot. Hit an AA meeting now and surrender. Ask for help and take suggestions. I came in at 36 and thought my life was over and I was washed up. I had NO IDEA how young I actually was. 41 and a drunk feels old and sad.....41 and sober is a whole nother story.... This can be the best years of your life if you surrender to this program. It is not as hard as it seems.
AA is the last place I thought I wanted to be but it turned out to be the key to getting my life back and living in a way I never thought possible.
In support,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
What you are describing was the worst phase of my drinking career. It was the portion where I knew I had a problem, but still could not stop and could not get myself to surrender.
Mark is so right, this is the hardest step we have to take towards our recovery. Going completely against the grain of our alcoholic minds when the brain still thinks of alcohol as a part of its survival tool kit... as it's actually kiling us or at least diminishing our quality of life.
Of course, I will strongly suggest you get yourself to a few AA meetings as soon as possible, but if you can't do that at this time, you might want to try posting on this board every 8 hours (3x per day) and not drink between the post. If you can do this 3 times, you will have your first 24 hours of sobriety. I am not proposing that this is going to be easy, I know better. But each of us had to start somewhere.
I hope you'll start here with us. Posting here as you already have does indicate that you have a desire to stop drinking. Now comes the work... matching the desire with action. One Day At A Time.
Welcome, I fell on my face also, broke my nose, even had it as my profile pic for a while. I said I was done, but I wasnt... I am now though, it takes what it takes, you can do this!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Welcome to "MIP". I usually cringe when I hear stories like this. It reminds me of a not so distant past that I would like to forget. But I can't. It keeps it green for me; and now I have another person to thank for that. You...
Welcome! Glad you're here! I can relate to the injuries, but usually couldn't remember how I got my bruises. I hope you make it through today sober... see you tomorrow : )
I'm 40 and it took me 15 odd years to get around to doing something about my problem. I guess it was the fear of who I would be and what my life would be like without my crutch that stopped me seeking help. It ended up that I had to completely blow my life up before I got serious about it.
It's almost funny looking back now - almost! - considering just how good things are for me now I'm sober. I'm free, happy and healthy and wouldn't trade the piece of mind I have for anything you could think to offer.
