Drinking sucks. Please take me back everyone... I can do this right. I know I can do this! I proved a very important thing to myself. AA is right for me. Drinking is very very wrong for me, and I don't even like it anymore! After being sober for a month and a half, it was pure misery to feel how I did on V-day and hung over the next. Sober is SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better! Did I really think I didn't know that? I don't know what I was thinking. Just wasn't I guess. Time to start thinking again. Brushing myself off this morning. Feeling great and happy to be alive. Sober. Thanks everyone for listening, and being here.
Some of us are lucky enough to never pick up another drink again, some of us have to do so again and again and then again. All of us are always welcomed back, dusted off, and loved until we can love ourselves. I guess maybe that's one of the reasons this program works. I was one of those who had to do some "further research", trying to determine if I was really an alcoholic. Maybe I just needed to learn control. I wasn't as bad off as some of the others. On and on it went in my crazy, mixed up mind. I too had to prove to myself that I really had a problem. I do. One I can do something about, but not alone. So now I ask for help in the morning, say Thank You at night, and am learning to trust in something that I don't really understand. I go to meetings, have a sponsor, and am going through the steps with her. I try to give back in any way I can, cleaning up after meetings, making and pouring coffee, chairing a meeting. And wonder of all wonders, by the grace of God and through the fellowship and support of the AA program, I am 4 days shy of 8 months sober. This program works, and today we can be the miracle. Welcome back, you don't have to do this alone. Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
In our group we have an annual relapser. Every Christmas without fail. He will drink, land up in jail and then stay sober again. I have never understood this person. Alcoholism is a very strange illness. After my 1st and only relapse in AA, what was then called a "convincer", I went straight into recovery and submitted myself to a sponsor. I did not want to take my wife and children where my father took us. It was sheer hard work, but it was worth it. You can ask my wife and children, after 23 years of being in recovery, whether it was worth it. One thing I have learned over the years, is not to play around with alcohol if I am a real alcoholic.
oh Tasha, I just went through it myself (new sobriety date 1/8/12) but its OK, because, at least for me, I knew what I had to do to get back in the swing of things! Back to a meeting, back to working the steps, back to my HP. I feel calmer now about my sobriety and closer to my HP. Thanks for your honesty and "onward and upward"as my old daddy used to say!! Great big hug, Dolly
Tasha, your always welcomed back. I'm glad you got honest with yourself and others about your recent relapse. That's an important hurdle. This diesase is cunning, baffling and powerful. It's a diesase that tells us we don't have a diesase.
Relapses are part of many peoples recovery, mine too. I did a lot of research to eliminate all doubt. It took every drop to get me to the point of full surrender. It was just part of my journey. Then I was ready to embrace the solution.
Put the bat down and get back in the life raft. We need everyone!
Welcome back Tasha! We have two types here, "One night wonders" or those who walked into an AA meeting and never drank again (my hats off to them!), and the rest of US who had to take our will back and do some extended research. Don't feel bad, just get busy. And one other thing, AA ruins your drinking, and so does starting and stopping. Something about it makes our disease accelerate. Best to stay in now and rack up some time.
Glad you made it back, just nothing out there for us today. Keep getting further from your last not closer to the next, and good things will come to pass for you and countless others!
-- Edited by Rob84 on Friday 17th of February 2012 03:05:09 AM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Tasha, I read this whole post and thought about it for a while and Im pretty sure if your an alcoholic, staying sober is the way to be. Sometimes we have 'slips' as they call them but I dont think you wanna have too many...
It's okay Tasha. What matters most of all is that you're back, and hopefully for good this time. We all had our fall from grace and you're no different. So get back on that wagon Tasha and never look back.
Welcome back Tasha. Hearing this is kinda scary. You seemed to have so much willingness and momentum. You do have a sponsor right? The sponsor is there primarily to help with stepwork, BUT when they take on a brand newcomer, they should also expect to be utilized as a sounding board and a safety check of sorts.
I have stated before on here that there is a tool in early sobriety called "book ending" and this means setting up a plan with your sponsor via phone, meeting or whatever for when you have an idea that you might go through something difficult or emotionally intense.
When you want it bad enough, you will call your sponsor when the first thought of drinking comes...you will tell on yourself. I was afraid to death of picking up and was on the phone with my sponsor, on here, in meetings for over a year before settling into my sobriety. ANYTIME something emotional happened I had to be babied through it by my sponsor and fellow AAers (including some on this board)...That is okay though because that is how it is supposed to be for you. Reach out...call...allow others to help you and don't underestimate alcohol. Heck, you can have my phone number to call next time you want to drink. Ill give it to you in PM.
I am one of those "one night wonders" and I never drank again after my first meeting. I did all my relapsing before AA. Just getting to AA was the biggest hurdle for me. Not saying this to down anyone that had to relapse to get to where they are (and I am not clear from that potential myself...ever) but I can say that it worked for me because when I got to AA, I utilized all available tools and safeguarded myself as much as possible from relapse. I was under no delusion that drinking was ever going to be fun again in the way that drinking might be fun for non-alchoholics. I knew to the core that, if I drank, it might be fun for a minute, an hour, a couple hours, but it would wind up in sheer misery as it always did.
So...let this relapse be a kick upstairs and not downstairs. Think about what caused it and take preventative measures next time. All I can suggest offhand is call your sponsor or an AA peer when the urge hits you and not after.
We are always here for you!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome back, Tasha. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Tasha, thankfully AA is never closed to you and is always there when you need it. Many failed attempts followed my first encounter with AA but I was always welcomed back and no-one ever criticised me for my lapses.
Although I'm new here, I'd like to welcome you back to AA.
