I was going to attend my first meeting today at noon but I chickened out! My town is very small and I dont know what to expect from these meetings or if they expect me to say anything!
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If you don't get your mind straightened out you will never get your life straightened out!
You are not expected to say anything, they might ask if there is any newcomers and ask your first name, not to embarrass you but to get to know you. I highly suggest you go asap. You will feel loved and welcomed! Remember everyone there had to go to their first as well, plus I bet your not the only first timer there. :)
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Welcome Melissa! Glad to have you here with us. Your fear is normal. I felt the same way. You can expect to be welcomed by the folks at the meeting. Meetings are typically filled with warm, compassionate, and understanding people. Everyone in the meeting had to go through the door for their first meeting. They know how it feels. Depending on the meeting style, you will hear folks share their experience with alcohol, before during and after use.
You don't need to do anything, but listen and try to identify with parts of what people are sharing. Their thoughts, feelings and actions.
It will be hard to walk in the door, but people will realize you're new right away and will be very welcoming and friendly. Don't worry! A lady noticed me right off the bat and asked me to come sit by her - I was so relieved!
Someone might ask if its anyones' 1st A.A. meeting ever. If you say yes, they most likely will take turns taking a few minutes each to tell how they came to A.A.
You'll be asked if you want to say what brought you but you're not required to talk. Just say you'd like to listen if you're not in the mood.
Welcome to the MIP board. I had the same fears at my first few meetings. You may have to give your first name when they ask if there are new people, but that should be it. If someone asks you to share and you don't want to, just say "I think I would like to just listen today".
You can call or email your local AA office and maybe arrainge for someone to meet you at the meeting early or even pick you up and take you etc, that way you already have a connection and someone who knows your situation and can introduce you to others.
Hope this can help,
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I'm from a small town and I was a bit apprehensive as first but they turned out to be great places to be. Nobody will bite. They people there will just want you to get well and stay well, and they'll do it with love and not demands.
You can just listen until you feel comfortable sharing.
Everyone is apprehensive about going to their first meeting, and everyone there has been through that. You will be welcomed. Maybe bring a friend (if it's not a closed meeting) who can make sure you get through the door. That's what I did.
When you get there, lots of people will hopefully greet you to say hello. If you're anything like me, you may or may not be so scared and overwhelmed that you are able to say your name. All I could do was basically mumble my name and choke back tears. If you're at a "speaker meeting" all you will really have to do is just sit and listen to someones "story". That would be a great place to start.
If its a discussion meeting, it might go something like this: You will find a seat and hopefully someone will take you under their wing and tell you what to expect. If not, and that didn't happen for me - depending on the type of meeting - you will likely listen to some reading - rules - and then the meeting will open up for discussion. Some meetings everyone shares for a few minutes, some go every other person. Sometimes you go around the room reading. That for me was really scary the first time being new. I didn't want to say anything in front of everyone, or read anything in front of everyone. I just wanted to make it through! So - remember you can always say "Hello I'm Melissa, an alcoholic, and I'd like to listen tonight" in any of those circumstances. People will say they are glad you're there, understand totally, remember what that first scary meeting is like, and completely understand if you do not want to participate verbally. No one will judge you in any way. They are rooting for you. If you're not suuuuuuper shy and scared like me, then you can share a little bit about yourself, or what brought you there, or just simply that you're happy you made it through the door. Let people know you chickened out if you'd like... we've all chickened out pertaining to alcohol! Before anyone ever says anything, they always introduce themselves "Hi I'm (name) and I'm an alcoholic, and the group always says hello (name). You'll catch on to that after a while. I still forget that part all the time. After people are done speaking, the group together will thank that person. There are other instances when people will say certain things together, and no one expects you to know when to do that appropriately for a long time. Eventually, you will memorize the serenity prayer, and join hands with everyone at the end of the meeting and say it together. I hear some meetings end with the Lords prayer. I haven't been to a meeting yet, where we didn't stand at the end, hold hands, and then say a prayer together. Usually, there is a dish passed around at some point, and most people at my meeting put in a buck. I was not prepared for that, and didn't even take in my wallet, and if you don't have a dollar, no one will make you feel bad, especially at your first meetings! Hmmm what else do I wish I would have known.... oh yes... it's not a cult, and you don't have to be religious. You can take from the meeting what's good, and if you believe in a higher power great, if not, no one will judge you for that when you first arrive either. If you don't want to pray, don't. And don't judge others for doing so like I did. Everyone does what works for them, and you'll find that you are not alone either way. Just go! I'm pretty new too, so if you want to talk, just message me : ) Have a great day!
Thank you everyone for the encouragment!. I really wanted to do thenoon one because I figured less people would be there as apposed to an evening one. I work today, Thurs, Fr and sat so I will try again next week. Oh, I saw my Dr yesterday after 2 weeks and she is very proud of me and said that my skin already looks so much better!!!! I think I was always red looking! lol. Also spoke with my dad last night, I didnt realize that he suspected I had a problem. I filled him in on all that I am doing and he said that he could see the change in me and could hear the change in my voice. It makes me feel very proud that my Dad is proud of me as he and my Mom both have gone through alcoholism and survived it! Unfortunately it was cigarettes that killed my Mom so that is my next thing to overcome! I have done it before, I can do it again! I quit for 6 years and foolishly dabbled in it occcasionally and before i mnew it, I was hooked again!
Well, have a great day everyone and thanks again for the support!
~MelissaMM
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If you don't get your mind straightened out you will never get your life straightened out!
Melissa, glad your doing well! I was so scared to go to my first meeting, in fact I too chickened out on my first attempt. But I knew I needed help bad, so I picked this little tiny meeting in my hometown (by then I didn't care who knew)-2 women showed up! They were so sweet, they said "we'll have a newcomers meeting"! I have been back many times to that group and never saw less than 10 people again, kind of strange. Now, I love meetings, I go all over the place. I live outside of a large city, so the options are limitless, depending on where you live, there are women's meeting, newcomers meetings, closed meetings (only alcoholics allowed), you name it. And what will happen is eventually you'll be that person that see's a newcomer and makes them feel welcome, because you remember how it felt. And that's what it's all about, win/win. Take care of yourself, big hug, dolly
Hi Melissa! I'm glad you felt able to vent on my white board. That's great... a girls gotta do that, and guys SOMETIMES just want to "fix". AA guys are not so much like that, but I bet your husband is (like mine)! They have good intentions, but do not realize we just need to be listened to sometimes, and that's the "fix". I totally empathize with what you're going through. I would not want to leave my kids for jury duty! I would not want to be told I have to do ANYTHING I don't want to do! Something kind of cool that AA has taught me is that I can only do the next right thing. So for me personally, that would have probably been venting, steaming, storming around pissed, and eventually drinking... a couple months ago. Now I'm more inclined to think about what I am grateful for regardless of my circumstances, do the best I can with what I have, and just get through the day one day at a time. Do I forget that some days... YES! I'm still learning too, but it's better to call someone (or you can message me, I'm on here several times per day) or go to a meeting, than it is to drink. It's so weird how suddenly you realize that drinking just plain doesn't "help"! Well, I am rooting for you to get that with me soon - I am only sober since xmas, and did drink one time since then... so I'm human too. And I'm very new too, so I sure don't know what most of the pro's on here know, but I'd be happy to listen to anything you want to say! Have a great day Melissa! P.S. I'm a stay at home Mom of 2 kids - 5 & almost 3. How about you?
Unfortunately it was cigarettes that killed my Mom so that is my next thing to overcome! I have done it before, I can do it again! I quit for 6 years and foolishly dabbled in it occcasionally and before i mnew it, I was hooked again!
~MelissaMM
You might be better off not worrying about that for the moment. You probably don't want to put too much on your plate at once.
Good job Melissa! We are the people that you used to like to drink with. We've just found a new way to live where we don't have to drink to feel good and enjoy ourselves. This isn't a death sentence, it's an opportunity to live a wonderful life.
Set back today! But I will get there! Still going to meetings but the depression just seems to take over me at times! Stil here though and sttill working my steps! Trying to talk my husband into coming to a meeting with me but her refuses! Oh wel, life goes on right?!?!
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If you don't get your mind straightened out you will never get your life straightened out!
I experienced a lot of what I thought was "depression", in early sobriety. Now it is clear to me that it was misplaced emotions about my past (the past is past, it is it is), combined with my fear of the future. I was wallowing in emotionalism trying to Think my way out of my feelings, which is impossible. We must Act Our Way to Better Feeling. When I learned that I could disregard what my head was trying to think about (negativity, the past, shame guilt....) and Change my mind, to think about positive things, gratitude, the wonder of being alive and in the awesomeness of Today which is accurately called "The Present", my feelings and emotions followed. I called it a Pink Cloud for awhile, but daily repetition of staying in the day, doing gratitude list, and keeping busy with what I need to do that day, keep this gift of sanity going.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 20th of February 2012 09:36:39 AM
We've just found a new way to live where we don't have to drink to feel good and enjoy ourselves. This isn't a death sentence, it's an opportunity to live a wonderful life. 