I was 22 when I got sober Christine, so I understand alot. There is no age restriction as Ruhig has said, nor is it bottom specific. There are many other things that drinking has affected for many of us, we lie about it, we cheat on our spouses while we drink or use, we steal money to get it, we call out of work because we're hungover, we comprimize our moral fiber and integrity for a drink or drunk. You don't have to lose all the material stuff to have lost everything. We reserve that for those who won't listen to our simple suggestions. Don't drink, go to meetings, and call your sponsor if you have one, if not share with someone at a mtg.
You can have an emotional bottom..
-- Edited by The Addiction Club on Monday 6th of February 2012 09:55:04 AM
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
I'm starting day 4 of sobriety today, so I don't know a whole lot...
Last night at my 3rd meeting, it was a bit different, it was the first "discussion" meeting I attended, so everyone in the group shared.
As I listened to the stories of multiple attempts at rehab, being in domestic violence shelters, sleeping under bridges, being in jail and other "bottom" stories - my head started telling me I didn't belong there. I wasn't really an alcoholic. I wasn't like these people.
I'm trying to wrap my head around everything. I KNOW I need help and AA is where the help is, so I NEED to be there. I AM an alcoholic. I AM like the other people in the meeting, we just have different "bottoms."
This shook me up pretty bad last night and it took the drive home to unscramble those thoughts. When I talked to my husband about the meeting, HE questioned whether I needed to be there, so I went through the whole unscrambling again with him.
I'm worried that down the road, when I'm tired of going to meetings every night, when I really DO want a drink, how do I get rid of these negative thoughts?
I'm still in the beginning of the big book, so if you know of some particular story or chapter in there that I could read that pertains to this - that would be appreciated.
I was saying the same things when I first came to AA. I started noticing how big of a problem my drinking was a little later. A lot of people told me I wasnt an alcoholic. I have some reading material from a meeting with this exact situation. A lot of alcoholics are told all they need is more rest, a change of scene, to simply cut back etc.. but YOU sound like your saying its a problem and only YOU can make the choice if you want help from the program, the only requirement is the desire to stop, you probably heard all this at the meetings. The only thing I can tell you is that if you yourself thinks you got an actual problem put it first before anything else and start helping yourself, things start getting better real quick, and sometimes slowly for others, but the program can keep you sober if you use it with sincerity.
It is easy to talk ourselves out of the rooms. Look for the simmilarities, and in particular I listen to the feelings. I am scared myself, that I will say- hey I got this! Who needs those nosy meetings anyhow? But the truth has been for me, this is where I find God, and feel useful. I don't really think I can get rid of negative thoughts, I have to pour positive stuff in. I am not sure this will make since at all, but I find it easier for me to turn twords the light instead of away from the dark. Keep going and try not to worry about the what-ifs. My sponsor used to tell me to keep my mind where my butt was.
I was 17 when I first entered my first meeting. And all I could focus on was all the men in their 40s/50s/60s and thought to myself "What am I doing here, I haven't gone nearly as far as they have" and after listening to them all I could think was "They're just a bunch of men who regret not being the father they wanted to be". And then, A woman came up to me, and we talked. And I told her that "Im not old enough to be here". She gave me a hug and told me that this ride didn't have a height or age restriction, that if my drinking ever caused me to feel embarrassed, ashamed or alienated (Name a bunch of other really gut wrenching emotions) that I belonged here. Eventually that "I don't belong here" mind set got me into loads of trouble again. Im 21 now. Still really young, and all that means is that I have so much more time to make up for my mistakes (and maybe a much shorter and less complicated 4th and 5th steps).
If you feel that you can't go on living how you were even 7 days ago, your welcome here.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
Thanks for the topic. When we sober up certain things start to happen. Our bodies start adjusting to our new way of life -without the effects of alcohol I mean. And when it does, watch out. We start to get things back, including our feelings.
My emotions were off the hook early on in sobriety and I couldn't understand why. I felt overwhelmed by everything, especially life in general. I suffered from Avoidant syndrome big time. When it was my time to speak, I politely refused. It did get better though, but it took some time. I eventually got over my fears and can now speak with conviction, thank God.
Don't let negativity ruin your chances at prolonged sobriety. If you're an alcoholic, then you know. You'll have a greater chance at remaining sober within the confines of "AA", then on your own. If you have trouble identifying with the messenger, well guess what? you're not alone. Everyone has questioned that at one time or another. Remember, we might have had different bottoms but the beatings were all the same. And that's how we come to believe Christine.
The say in AA: "the pains of drinking had to come before sobriety and emotional turmoil before serenity". How true...Keep growing, my friend, and keep living. Get a good night sleep dear, because tomorrow is another day.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 7th of February 2012 03:51:05 AM
Be thankful you are seeking help before your story is full of all the things you heard.
I guess I'm middle bottom. Some people bottomed lower than me, and some higher but that doesn't matter. We are all equal in my eyes because none of us want to fall one inch further.
My sponsor says over and over again that I'm to always remember that this disease will put anything it can between me and whatever can help me. And he's right. Cunning, powerful and baffling. Fortunately the more I live the program the less sense that little voice makes.
He also likes saying that the meeting you talk yourself out of going to is the one you really need to be at. I think of all the things I have been told in AA that one is the bit of information that will make the difference when everything else is in the balance.
We try to identify with others where you can, but don't compare. If you keep coming back, you will hear someone tell your story.
Most bottoms are emotional, I was 24 when I got sober in AA, I was spirtually, morally and emotionally bankrupt. The disparity between the person I was, and the person I thought I should be, and once aspired to be became so wide I knew I could not continue down the path. When we can no longer lie to ourselves and lower our standards, change can occur. Different bottoms for different people, If we are acoholic, the elevator is always going down but we can get off on any floor we want. Some pay the ultimate price and never recover.
When we hear some of the "war stories" we have not encountered they are classified as "yets", go back to drinking and they can yet happen.
If we admit we are alcoholic and have a desire to stop drinking, we qualify to be in AA. Everyone has a different story, we don't want to "compare" ourselves out of the rooms.
What to read? Just start at the Dr's opinion and pgs 1-44 for the 1st step.
I'm worried that down the road, when I'm tired of going to meetings every night, when I really DO want a drink, how do I get rid of these negative thoughts?
The below section is written in the book upon our working and integrating steps 1-10 into our lives. It is important to go to a lot of meetings early in recovery, and we always got to meetings, but we don't get sober to go to meetings every night, we get sober to start living a full life.
pg 84-85 In BBook
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.
We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
If it helps, I'm a woman in my 30s with a professional degree from a good school, a prestigious career, and all the "stuff" that comes with that. I've never gotten a DUI, lost a job or my home due to drinking, or suffered any health consequences that I know of. I started to organize my life around the wine I "needed" to drink every night to feel normal and sleep. I tried repeatedly to quit for even a month, then a week, and could never last more than a couple of days. It took me almost 2 years in AA to get 6 months sober, and I never question for a minute that I am an alcoholic. There's no "typical" alcoholic, we're all different, but just try to focus on the similarities you hear in people's stories, rather than the differences, and I think you will find common ground.
Thank you all so much for your input. I'm sticking with this - I just got scared and almost ran. I'm pretty overwhelmed right now with everything and not quite sure where I fit in. I'll try to stop worrying about that and just listen as much as possible.
Hi Chistine, what's important is to listen to what you can indentify with, the rest are what we call "Yets". The things that haven't happened to us Yet. It's all waiting there for us, the losses, the shame. Many of us have lost marriages and those who come in with a marriage intact will have to work a little harder to keep the focus on themselves. Denial will tell us that "I'm ok, because I've get Him/Her". I'd suggest attending a beginners meeting and a women's meeting weekly. As for bottoms, it varied. Many of us are high bottom drunks. I always worked, never drank in the morning or at work, always paid my bills ect... I guess you could say that mine was an emotional bottom. I knew that I was losing my mind and it scared me more than anything.
Hi Dean - I'm attending my first women's meeting tonight - but my area's meeting list doesn't have anything for beginners. I'll check other areas, I imagine it would be worth the drive.
Sounds like your right where you're supposed to be. Many of us have had the same thoughts. Asking these questions from people who have walked before you is what The Program is all about. One Alcoholic to another- sharing experience, strength, and Hope. God works through all of us. I'm glad to have you here with us.
I will! I"m looking forward to it - I'm hoping it's a smaller, closer-knit group - I'm getting a little overwhelmed with all the meetings with 60+ people in the room :)
