Someone recently said that those people who stand at the podium and share their experience strength and hope must really have big egos to say all the stuff they do. Then I heard someone say that those people who choose not to go to the podium (who choose not to share) generally have a much bigger ego than those who do. I tend to agree with the second statement. When I do not want to answer the call to share it is usually out of a fear of some sort. Does anyone have an opinion on this?
For me, stepping up to the podium telling my story at an open meeting opened my eyes to more about myself. Like how doing the 4th and 5th steps helped me to 'see' myself.
"I am pretty much with Linbaba...Your questions are interesting and good for discussion, but at this point in your sobriety, I am not sure if you are not adding intellectual noise to what is supposed to be a simple spiritual journey. Too much pondering of things that really don't matter is deflection away from yourself."
After my last post, I went back and reread this. If I am being too intellectual honestly I am lost as to how to share...unless I whine a hell of a lot. And believe me I do want to participate.
Martin
Share from the heart, my friend. And make mention of your story, sparingly. The last thing anyone wants to hear is the sordid details of our drinking. They heard it all before, anyway. So let's keep it simple, shall we? I would forgo the internal conflicts and focus instead on where you're at, presently. Then, they're know if it's ego or experience. For sure...
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 5th of February 2012 03:10:16 PM
I've known people with long term sobriety who fall on both sides of this. Some people feel very comfortable speaking in front of crowds and some enjoy a conversation with a few. I don't think ego has anything to do with it. Do what works for you mrthumbscrews and don't worry about what works for others. Live and Let Live.
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
Ego? Of course, it plays a role... all I can do is try to minimize it and speak from a place of truth, love and hope...
I am a speaker, I love to carry the message... it literally turns me on to see people in the crowd laughing at some silly story from my past, or tears whelling up in their eyes as they relate to my feelings...
But I'm not there because of my ego, I'm there because I have learned how to humble myself and remain teachable...and be willing to share what this program gave to drunk like me...
Hope... A solution that works... and a love that is beyond what my grand words can define.
How It Works notes that our stories disclose IN A GENERAL WAY what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. What I am like now is the result of my experience, strength, and hope (ESH), gained in the program by taking the 12 steps, in order. I try to share that ESH when I speak, by limiting the "drunk-a-log" --the gory details that provoke the tears and laughter-- and focusing on the spiritual journey that has blessed me with a good bit of continuous sobriety. On page 45 we find ""And it means, of course, that we are going to talk about God." (As we understood Him). I used to approach the podium shaking and shaking and afraid of bursting into tears. Then I discovered the power of the drunk-a-log, and the ego rush of leaving 'em laughing, touched, and relating. God as I understand "him" had only a cameo role in the beginning. After a while I realized that the speaker circuit was not good for me, unless, like John, I "...learned how to humble myself ...". Humility, being teachable, honesty, willing to share-truly share-and embody hope--that is what I MUST do if and when I choose to speak. There need be no fear-that is "just" my humanness and is basically irrelevant to carrying the message.
I was told early on that telling my story was my duty. Sometimes duty doesn't feel like it. 50 minutes to talk about my favorite subject... me! Never had a problem doing it. OTOH coming up with something to say that I haven't said before, that's hard. At least in my home group.
I am pretty much with Linbaba...Your questions are interesting and good for discussion, but at this point in your sobriety, I am not sure if you are not adding intellectual noise to what is supposed to be a simple spiritual journey. Too much pondering of things that really don't matter is deflection away from yourself.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Yes, my ego is alive and well and living inside Martin. That being said, I thought it was a good topic to throw out there. I was at a large meeting last night where the speakers are pre-chosen and I was asked to speak. In a knee jerk fashion I declined. Then I remembered things I had heard before (most of what you all have said here). I felt a bit ashamed but I could not fathom that I had any message to carry. Yeah, I know that's a lot of BS. I have been warned about the alcoholic mind before (by you folks and others) - my ego and my alcoholism. (I talk this stuff over with my sponsor too.) Honestly I have never declined speaking before even though I sound like a neurotic nut. During my morning meditations and throughout the day I say the third step prayer and contemplate what it means and try to humble myself enough to let it work. But last night...surprise! There is nothing more I would like to do than carry the message. Ego or no ego (damn ego!) isn't this what we are all trying to do?
"I am pretty much with Linbaba...Your questions are interesting and good for discussion, but at this point in your sobriety, I am not sure if you are not adding intellectual noise to what is supposed to be a simple spiritual journey. Too much pondering of things that really don't matter is deflection away from yourself."
After my last post, I went back and reread this. If I am being too intellectual honestly I am lost as to how to share...unless I whine a hell of a lot. And believe me I do want to participate.
There is nothing more I would like to do than carry the message.
I'm OK with sounding like a nut must of the time. The reality for me is no matter how much I think I know about A.A. and the program, etc., all I really know is my own story. What happened, what it was like, and what's it like now.
The good speakers do this in my opinion. The others who don't ... well, ya know, we are all on the same path and I have to remember that when I stood at the podium and tried to talk for an hour, I sucked at it!
"I am pretty much with Linbaba...Your questions are interesting and good for discussion, but at this point in your sobriety, I am not sure if you are not adding intellectual noise to what is supposed to be a simple spiritual journey. Too much pondering of things that really don't matter is deflection away from yourself."
After my last post, I went back and reread this. If I am being too intellectual honestly I am lost as to how to share...unless I whine a hell of a lot. And believe me I do want to participate.
Martin
Hey Martin:
I think your topic is in fact a good one. But, I'll just make an observation. Your first post on the topic reminds me of when I ask questions or make statements somewhat indirectly, like when I once went to a psychiatrist and talked about some general problems "a friend" was having, when in fact it was ME who was having very specific problems that I needed help with.
When I speak indirectly in general terms, my statements and questions can seem abstract and intellectual. But, your second post, which was about a specific experience you had, let me, and I'm sure others, understand what your first post was really about: not an intellectual exercise at all, but your understanding of what caused you to decline the invitation to speak. And I totally relate because at times, I have also allowed my ego (fear of what others may think of me) get in the way of my purpose.
Sometimes I think if I have nothing to offer, maybe God is using me an example of an asshole.
I know I've heard speakers before where I concluded "this person has nothing I want" and I paid attention to what they said about working their program, so I wouldn't do that. Then again, some of these people became friends. If not a sponsor. I have some friends in AA whose program I could not emulate at all, but they are still friends.
