I am sorry I don't post more, but I do read a lot of what is shared here, and review the birthdays, and AA stories shared here. Such a wide range of things people share about. I am so very thankful that Dean does such a good job responding to people, welcoming them, acknowledging their birthdays, ect. I also love reading the God Calling mediations each day.
As for myself, life has taken many twist and turns. I'm just moving through each day not denying what is wrong but not getting stuck in it either. I am riding the fence a lot between feeling like life sucks and life is great.
I think I avoid sharing a lot here during these kind of times because I don't want to contamiate people with all my "stuff".
I am in a place of absolute acceptance, yet still hurt at the deeper level of my being. I am relatively happy, but struggle with accepting some pieces of reality...
I am sober, I am sane, I am connected to the God of my own understanding, and I live in world that embraces me, even on days I wouldn't want to be my own next door neighbor.
I have to surrender every day. I have to invite my Higher Power to the table of my life and then get out of the way to the best of my ability. Some days I do this better than others, but I'm always a willing participent.
Yes, without a doubt, I am confused about a lot of things, situations and events, but one thing I am not confused about at all.... nothing in my life will improve by taking that first drink.
I am grateful that I don't have live a life of active alcoholism, and all that it brings about as a by product...
I am grateful I can be sober enough to know when life is suckin' and when life is good, and I'm grateful that I'm sane enough to know when I'm trying to fool myself with either of those idea's when it doesn't match the evidence.
So, I'm grateful and sober... I guess that gives me a chance to work the rest of it out... in time... one day at a time.\
Thanks for sharing John. I'd like to acknowledge Danielle and a whole lot of other regulars that are doing a great job of welcoming new comers, posting informative threads and reading, and making this such a great place to come to.
Thanks for your share, John. Life is difficult for all of us at many different levels, but I want to acknowledge my gratitude to you for this board. It's a place that I can quickly sneak in and read or share something. It's like having a snack before meals. It's like sitting in a cafe where all the regulars come and have coffee and when some new person comes, and those that are at the cafe at that time, welcome him or her. Even when I am busy at work and do not have time, snacking is good. Thanks.
John, I actually do admire your humility. I can sort of understand not wanting to share much cuz of the thought that everyone would look at you as "the big wig" and the owner of MIP who should not have problems. But the fact is, you are human, an alcoholic, and you are prone to making mistakes just like all of us. I'm glad you are here with us.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks for your share. I can certainly relate to your concerns, my friend. And with good reason. I've been through some rough patches myself over the years, and one thing that kept it real for me, was humility. No one is immune to those thoughts, my friend, and neither are you. You're taking the right approach, though; Acceptance being the key that is. The only way we can remain at peace is by accepting our fate and moving on.
Several years ago, a good friend of mine went through a horrific battle with cancer. He went through numerous operations, follow up by chemotherapy. These treatments took a toll on his life and dignity. On one specific day, however, he seemed to be at peace. So I asked what happened? He said, I accepted my fate as destiny and can now walk with dignity. Wow...Talk about humility.
There comes a point in life where you need to ask yourself, can I change this? Can I wave a magic wand over this situation and watch the worry disappear. Of course not...But we can do the next right thing. Accept that it happened, and pray for a desirable outcome. Doing so will help you move forward. The quicker we do, the faster we heal. It might make us feel ungrateful, but we can appreciate what we cannot control. I try to release any doubts, than let go. That's how I remain sober.
You've helped so many people over the years -including myself, now it's time we helped you. We're here to listen, so don't be a stranger -ever. We're family here, like Dean said, and you're the patriarch of this forum without a doubt. For that, we say thank you. It's time to accentuate the positives, my friend, and move on.
Letting go and letting God isn't easy -not by any stretch of the imagination, but it's necessary. It's the only way to accept what we cannot control. If you still have doubts, ask yourself this one question. How would others respond? If you done everything in your power to change this and cannot, then it's time to let go -period. I hope you continue to grace us with your presence, my friend, and inspire us all to "keep going" despite all else.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 30th of January 2012 03:43:47 AM
Ahhhhh my siamese twin AA brother!! I keep focusing on many recovery truths one of which is "it's all temporary" while my head is screaming "it is not!! uh uh no it isn't!!. Actually it is and the more I celebrate and employ the asset of gratitude when it is not the better balance I get. I am wading thru the cesspool somewhat myself...it seems like a lake but it's only a cesspool. As long as I keep pointing toward the other side the wade looks and is short and temporary. If I keep walking around in circles within it then it seems like a lake. I don't and won't get a guarantee on outcomes as I revisit Dr. Paul's words of recovery wisdom on page 449 of the 3rd edition..."And I have found that Acceptance is the solution to all of my problems."
Sitting around and reading and learning is the active practice of humility.
Keep coming back John and thanks soooo much for your support. (((((hugs))))
Thank you everyone for responding with such kind, understanding and caring words.
I have been stuggling on many fronts this past year or so, and without a doubt it has taken a toll on my emotional and mental well being to such a degree that I believe my judgement about some things has been somewhat distorted and off point. I am trying to find my way back to a place of serenity, peace, love and acceptance, all grounded in an abundance of graditude, so that I'm not just a drunk that doesn't drink, but a truly sober alcoholic who is able to help someone besides himself.
I remember my first sponsor asking me "you don't feel like your good for nothing, right?" I replied, "yeah." He smiled and said, "good, now go take your good for nothing self and go do some good for nothing for someone else".
I am so tired of being stuck on me, my world, my problems, my hurts, my lonliness, my fear, my, my, my...
I need to get out of myself... and come out and start caring about someone besides me.
I think its time I find a sponsee to work the 12 steps with.
John
-- Edited by John on Tuesday 31st of January 2012 11:11:39 AM
Thank you everyone for responding with such kind, understanding and caring words.
I have been stuggling on many fronts this past year or so, and without a doubt it has taken a toll on my emotional and mental well being to such a degree that I believe my judgement about some things has been somewhat distorted and off point. I am trying to find my way back to a place of serenity, peace, love and acceptance, all grounded in an abundance of graditude, so that I'm not just a drunk that doesn't drink, but a truly sober alcoholic who is able to help someone besides himself.
I remember my first sponsor asking me "you don't feel like your good for nothing, right?" I replied, "yeah." He smiled and said, "good, now go take your good for nothing self and go do some good for nothing for someone else".
I am so tired of being stuck on me, my world, my problems, my hurts, my lonliness, my fear, my, my, my...
I need to get out of myself... and come out and start caring about someone besides me.
I think its time I find a sponsee to work the 12 steps with.
John
-- Edited by John on Tuesday 31st of January 2012 11:11:39 AM
Hey John, thank you for your post, your reply, and your astute self appraisal, my last few years have mirrored your last year in many ways, and we trudge and we get through it, there is another side to get to.
We are all here because we are not all there and we do this in groups because we can't all be crazy on the same day, thank you for being sane on days I was crazy and I work on passing that on to others, because frankly, for me, being sane for someone who is insane is what restores me to sanity.
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I thought you offered to be Tibsy's temporary sponsor.
I did. Haven't heard anything from Tipsy as of yet, and a part of the sponsorship agreement was that he would get to a f2f meeting within 48 hours. Don't know that he did or didn't do that.
Thank you, Dean & thank you, John. If you are both my planets then I'm your moon doing my little part amongst the stars of our fellowship encircling the sunshine of sobriety. I get overwhelmed by the love & wisdom I witness here. I do as I can just to the right level for me though I also admit to the fear of exposing my imperfection & inadequacy. I know we're always enough & we have it between us. I'm so grateful for how everyone here is willing to give of their honesty in a bid to help selves & others. It is our primary purpose. Thank you for being real, John. It helps us all to be authentic too. Love & fewship, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
