I went to my first meeting the other night after joining this forum, It had been a year since I attended the meeting. Of course my defects were glaring and I was spinning out of control, trying to BE in control of everything in my life. You know, I could see these behaviors and no I didn't like them, nor want to entertain them or encourage it. The main thing I forgot about after not attending meetings for a year, is the one little phrase that use to keep me grounded in situations the I used to attempt to control. "Accept the things I cannot change." I thank God that I heard that in the meeting the other night, because I had forgotten that little diddy, and the reason why I came back to the rooms is simple, simple is something I also missed.
I told my wife about my feelings, how I felt like I had a bunch of "no-no's" in my life. Can't smoke, because we quit a couple months ago, so you know what, I went and got one of those electronic cigs to get me through that feeling that my brain was reaching out for a chemical or drink, and making me restless and uncomfortable, and she was ok with that. 2nd "no-no" that I cant cuss, my wifes a great God loving woman and likes to keep it clean around here, I had a terrible week fighting off urges of attitude and backsliding, so I said a few Fbombs and other things, not toward her but in front of, and she was ok with that. 3rd "no-no", is that I am 25, I left all old friends behind, and Im not allowed to go out and have a drink at any cost. But you know what, that's where I drew the line, I did cuss, I did go buy a smoke, but I refuse, and if theres anything I learned in AA while I went daily the first year of sobriety, is that I absolutely, under no circumstance for any reason even if it sounds like a great excuse lol, cause we can make up the best ones to cover up the fact that we just want to drink, I cannot take the first drink. My desire not to drink, that comes from my higher power, outweighs the obsession I used to have to drink. I am so thankful for that. Even after I stopped the meetings for a year, they still spoke to me and I felt compelled to go back, and start again.
It may be a selfish program for me, but I forgot somewhere along the lines that some new comer, maybe a 25 year old like me, is sitting there, uncomfortable, needing someone to say "Hey, how you holiding up." I am humbled at that. Gratitude is returning and I am willing...willing, not fighting or white knuckling, to give it a go again and stop trying to do it alone. Thank you AA, for showing us a better way of sober living, some of us before AA were dying, and in sobriety didn't have much of a fighting chance, while doing it alone.
You really are a miracle getting this a 25. I wish I didn't suffer and then have to drag my butt in at 36. You get to have a young wife and family...not years of chaos and either being a terror of a husband and drunk dad or just a single trainwreck for your entire 20s and 30s. That is a real gift to get that part of your life back. My 20s are a blur of screwy relationships and failures. Take each day as it comes and stay grateful CJW.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
what pinkchip said ^^^^^. I got sober at 29 years of age and, even at 51, I regret not getting sober earlier. I attended my first AA meeting in 1975 at age 15, several more in next few years. Then tried quitting on my own several times during my 20's. Then back to AA at 27, 2 more years of in and out, doing it wrong.
Well guys (or gal) I heard it said yesterday that, our path is our path, we should be greatful that we even made it to the rooms. Its a burden to get hung up on how long we were out there. For me, I didn't care if I died drinking. I know I couldnt go on anymore the way I was living and that something had to change, a devine intervention happened that had nothing to do with me wanting to go to a meeting believe that lol. I feel there is alot more information and help for people nowadays that wasnt available back then, and that we should be greatful that a couple guys started something way back when, that allows us to be here, posting on these forums : ) Were all very lucky, and for that, I am greatful. Thanks for the feedback.
Hey CJW, Getting sober young IS great, and as SPDean will attest to, is it has its own problems. When you are young, its easy to listen to all the reasons that you are NOT an alcoholic from your young friends who have not lived nearly the "extra years" you have already lived through drink. I stopped at 25 as well. I did have a bump or two in the road since then, but I had a program to bring me back. Your situation sounds a lot like air refueling. That is where one airplane takes gas from another in flight. Just like AA, it is a simple program. The complexity comes from the fact that in flight you have up down, side to side, and forward and aft forces working on you. The key is that you need to fix the most important problem first, and that is to simply find a stable position before doing anything. What you do is stop at 50 feet out and find a neutral power setting, trim the airplane, and from there, all you need to do is give the plane a tiny nudge forward. I mean a TINY nudge, because if you give it too much, you are then going to have to deal with up down, side to side, and forward aft forces in an increasingly accelerating mathematical problem. For you, your stable position is no drinking. Just sit there and stay stable in that position until you are really comfortable. I mean, just enjoy that "envelope" until you are confident as well. The smoking is a really big step. Just nudge that forward. If it looks like it won't work, return to your stable position and wait. Then nudge forward again until you are comfortable with that. The cursing? Good luck! Seriously, it is do-able. One thing at a time. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
You gotta stay vigilant cuz your disease will tell you that other people your age party a lot and that it is fun and normal for a young person to drink. Of course you know that you didn't drink like others and you won't "party and have fun" like them either.
There is so much to life that is meant to be learned in our 20s. Learning how to be a responsible partner in a relationship, learning how to manage finances, learning to be a productive worker, learning how to plan a career and achieve career goals, learning how to maintain a household, learning to take care of your body and balance work with play in a healthy way.
These are all things I had to learn starting at 36. I didn't know ANY OF IT and I learned it all through AA, the steps, and my sponsor. So while you are very humble in stating sobriety is a gift for all of us, which it is, it really is a special gift for you because you have a shot of progressing through normative aging and not suddenly getting smacked in the face with how you are a man child in your mid 30s or 40s.
I'm saying this not to compare but just to give you any extra motivation to stay the course CJW - Even though you sound like you are pretty on track now anyhow.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks for coming back and reporting that you are feeling better. I got sober @ 24, you're ready when you're ready.
I get nervous when people in the program try to change too much at once. Perfectionism seems to be more destructive than any other character defect in my experience.
Keep coming back and get back in "the middle of the bed". Progress not perfection, we are just a bunch of drunks trying to get better.
Rob nailed it man, there's allot of great info in his post. I got sober at a really young age as well.
I love the fact that you are getting honest with yourself about everything, it makes this thing work so much better when we do that.
-- Edited by The Addiction Club on Thursday 26th of January 2012 05:23:51 AM
-- Edited by The Addiction Club on Thursday 26th of January 2012 05:24:55 AM
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
Thanks for coming back and reporting that you are feeling better. I got sober @ 24, you're ready when you're ready.
I get nervous when people in the program try to change too much at once. Perfectionism seems to be more destructive than any other character defect in my experience.
Keep coming back and get back in "the middle of the bed". Progress not perfection, we are just a bunch of drunks trying to get better.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I went through a couple years of sobriety around your age too CJW. Then around 29 I was back at it. I would give anything to have the last few years voided... so I'm just saying... don't go back to it, each time it's worse, just like they say!
