Congrats on the 3 Tasha, that's awesome. I'm a musician as well (well, used to be) and I can assure you the creativity will come in waves. Just keep going to meetings and doing what you do for now. You'll get some really cool inspiration at times and at other times you'll want to blow up your piano lol.. Hang in there! As Mark said, keep on keeping on. And as Frodo said this too shall pass. And it will, I swear! just don't drink..
-- Edited by The Addiction Club on Friday 20th of January 2012 03:42:37 PM
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
I'm sober for 3 weeks. It's been great to say the LEAST. This morning I did some baking, and reading... played with my kids. Good morning. Now all of a sudden, as I sit down at the piano, I'm just realllllllyyyy missing my glass of wine! ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I just knew this was going to happen. It's always the reason I started back up drinking in the past. I get to a point where I don't feel like I have any creativity without "help".
Anyone out there have experience like this? I would really appreciate some words as to where I can find my artistic side... besides in a bottle
I suggest looking into more forms of meditation. That relaxed, different state of consciousness sort of thing is better if you can produce it naturally because than it is a real coping skill and not a crutch.
Try meditating before piano playing.
Otherwise, just keep gutting it out. Even if you had to give up the piano to stay sober (which you wont) it would be worth it. The luxuries and relaxing things you will be able to do sober will ultimately outnumber and crush your old habits of relaxing.
It will take more time though. Keep on keepin on!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Three weeks? Your head still won't know which way is up. Hang tough and believe in yourself. You'll get all those creative juices back and then some in time.
You also have to keep reminding yourself that whatever benefits the alcohol is promising you it's going to come at a very, very heavy price.
Hey Tasha, Your brain is conditioned to equate things with booze. I have a hard time surfing without booze and equate the smell of the board wax to Sam Adams. You sit at the piano? You think of wine. You have to recondition your brain, or take up a new instrument! Part of that is a joke. You really do need to have lots of sober time at the piano to get your brain wired in. Whats not a joke is if you sit at the piano and then drink. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I was in a noon meeting today Tasha and there were two women that were coming back into the rooms. One had a few months and drank for a week straight, she said she had a moment of clarity and called her doctor for help, he told her he couldn't help her and that she should call her old sponsor. The other woman had many years of sobriety and drank at a work related party, she stayed out for a few months and lost her job, her husband, her kids, and got 2 DWI's. This disease sneaks up on us any chance it can, especially when you're feeling vulnerable or down. It will tell you you're fine just before it strips away any dignity we have left and will leave us for dead, it will not blink an eye. Fight for your seat in the rooms, fight like hell and never give in to it!
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
There were many situations that made me free real strange when I was newly sober so I spent alot of time hanging out at A.A. clubs and going to meetings.
With time, the strange feelings went away. I still don't hang around were there's drinking going on. I just don't want to be around it.
Figuring things out is still on my 'to-do' list. Maybe next year ...
Hi Tasha, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. You got awesome advice from people much wiser than me, I just wanted you to know I understand and care. Dolly
You will never have it all figured out. I don't at 3 plus years and I hear my sponsor (17 yrs sober) and grandsponsor (34 yrs sober) saying the same thing. We are ever evolving people. Life changes for us as we age and as the world changes. Drinking was always just a maladaptive way of trying to cope with these changes. So basically, all of us are in for a lifetime of just practicing and trying to do the next right thing. Being sober does not take your problems away, it just makes it so you get much better and more adept at solving them.
My whole first year I had moments of terror where I felt that my alcholism was going to sneak up on me and I would be "struck drunk" against all that I was doing in terms of my program. That terror and yucky feeling tells me that you are doing good because I know I felt that way a few times early on...especially in the first few months.
I can remember that I found myself walking to the wine ailse at the convenience store when I went there to get coffee or a grocery item and then I had that terrified feeling that it was such a habit to walk to that area of the store that I might just drink without even knowing it... Well, that never happened and it wont happen to you as long as you keep working the program a day at a time.
In support,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hey Tasha, that happens and I understand. It's a good reminder that you're still an alcoholic, and it'll keep ya movin forward. If ya had it all figured out what would be the point of continuing in AA. I'm one and a half years sober and I recently ran into the obsession and bad thinking again. Keep doing what you're doing. The difference between this time, and the times that you picked up again is the action you took shortly after the fact. You got some really good advice from people. Keep on keepin on, Nick
Tasha, don't expect life to be the same, without booze. Comparing in this way will lead you backwards (romanticizing alcohol). It will take time for you body/mind to adapt to doing everything without alcohol. This will take from 6 months to 2 years. After that, expect much, much more out of life. Search this forum for Paws or Post acute withdraw for some explanation.
Aloha Tasha...it happens and will happen again...don't "not" expect it and don't drink over it...that's the new habit. I learned that anohter name for my addiction to alcohol was drinking "habit" I did many things along with my drinking and when I stopped I did the same things with the compulsion to drink still there. My early sponsor told me I had to move "away from all things alcohol" which at times led to the desire without the behavior and now its okay to be alcohol free. Lit it was said...the creative, imaginative juices come back full and then some along with the ability to make so many free choices for the right reasons.
I have very much been romanticizing it! So what's the answer to that? Think or do something to get your mind of it? Work through it? I try to think of sucky things about drinking along with it, as if to counteract it, but I don't know if that's right.
It wants you to romanticize it Tash. But in reality the romance with our drinking was gone long ago, in some instances it turned on us like a cheating partner. You don't need to drink again to find out why you stopped, you can be rest assured it will still be the same if not worse. I know I sound like a broken record, but just don't drink! Go to a mtg, call someone, or hell, play your guitar! do anything but drink..
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
It wants you to romanticize it Tash. But in reality the romance with our drinking was gone long ago, in some instances it turned on us like a cheating partner.
Aye. It took me 15 years to realise that it wasn't a friend of mine that would comfort me in the hard times, but that it was a deadly enemy that wanted to kill me and hurt everything and everyone that I loved and that loved me.
That thought MUST sit at the front of my mind at all times because otherwise this cunning, baffling and powerful disease will come back to finish the job it started and came damn close to completing.
Work through it? I try to think of sucky things about drinking along with it, as if to counteract it, but I don't know if that's right.
This is what worked for me. It's important to know what your drinking M.O. or S.O.P. is, so you can remind yourself what happens when you take the first drink, and how and where it takes you. When I have that rare thought of a drink, my conscious responce is instantaneous "you idiot, what the heck are you thinking about, remember this and that.... The longer the sequence the more that your brain will (eventually) avoid the subject lol.
After I went back to drinking in my early years, I realised what a deadly, fatal disease I am dealing with. I began to take the program very seriously. I found very good sponsors and an excellent support group in my area. I immediately started work on AA 12 steps for my own personal recovery. I started working in my group with others and offering service to AA's different service arms. If I had neglected this, I would not have been here to tell you. Alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help it is too much for us. Go to AA meetings, get into a book study group, help others and clean house. These were the suggestions that AA offered me. It does not require intellect, it requires wisdom and wisdom comes from God. We do not receive, because we do not ask. Even if we ask we ask with selfish motives. I found God does not make too harsh a terms with those we seek Him honestly and diligently.
I had a really busy week, and only made it to one meeting. I see now I need to make them more of a priority. I don't know what I would do with out this message board every morning... noon and night : ) What a life saver.
I'm glad I'm here, and I'm glad you're here. The advice has really really really helped, so thank everyone! I'm really starting to feel how much better it is to be sober... not just think it.
