Maybe there are people who aren't egotistical but usually if they say they aren't it means they are
I'm egotistical. Not bragging, not complaining, it's just the truth, or rather my opinion since I've got only one perspective.
What other people think is none of my business, but if asked, most of my friends, most of my acquaintences, and probably all of my enemies would say I'm egotistical. Which makes me 100% in agreement with my enemies.
If that's not something to laugh at, I don't know what is.
I used to beat myself up for my unending failure at humility. That of course is being egotistical to the max, as well as perfectionistic.
I think ego is something we all have, it's God given, and not inherently evil. What I try to do is have fun with it, and not take myself too seriously. Nobody else does. It isn't that hard for me to see my own insignificance. Just call your bank some time and complain about fees. Or write your congressman... LOL. But I'm still pretty significant to me, in fact I'm all I've got.
If I do what the Big Book says on page 69 about sex, and treat it like any other problem - and ask how my ego has harmed others? Where have I been selfish and inconsiderate? Where has my ego made me miserable? What's my part in it?
Yes, ego fits step 4 nicely. Nothing really special about it.
Thanks for the topic. Admitting defeat is a bitter pill to swallow, isn't it? Surrendering to a higher power and allowing someone else to "seize the reins" was not in my vocabulary either. My unconquerable ego would never allow that to happen, period. My giant size ego was a total liability when it came to surrendering. I had to puncture a hole in my inflated ego before I could experience any sort of "lasting sobriety". I had to let go and let God instead, but my ego was having no part in that. Until "AA" and my first sponsor stepped in that is. After that my ego was no longer an issue.
Bill Wilson was explicate and to the point when he spoke about surrendering. He had a knack of pointing out the obvious even though it might hurt. He said in one of his essays and I'm quoting here: "Until our ego was somehow reduced or rendered ineffective, no likelihood of surrender could be anticipated". How true. It is hard to let down our guard, isn't it? To expose our true selves and the fragility of our egos? The psyche of alcoholics are just as toxic as the disease itself. So, it's important to remain teachable and pliable; to surrender and live. If we don't, we know what the consequences can be.
I remember this one instance where a guy introduced himself at a meeting in a not so traditional way. He referred to himself as a purveyor of fine spirits instead of an alcoholic. He would say and I'm quoting here: "Hi, my name is Mike and I'm a heavy hitter". He would never refer to himself as an alcoholic, even though his story told a different tale. He wouldn't allow his ego the luxuries his disease couldn't afford. His ego driven attempt at controlling what was left of his shattered existence was no match for the fall to come. Unfortunately, he eventually died; never experiencing the joys of sobriety.
That's why it's important to preserve sobriety at all costs. And to deflate what's left of our ego and pride. The ego reduction process is ongoing; and12 step work is the means by which we accomplish this. It's a crucial element needed to preserve long term sobriety; without question. The only way I can remain sober and in the now is by checking my ego at the door, and surrender to the will of my higher power, each and every day. And my prayer is that others will do likewise, starting today.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 18th of January 2012 02:26:40 AM
Usually, Easing God Out and trying to control some aspect of our lives results in chaos for most of us. We do try regularly as you guys have said but it usually doesn't turn out well. I recently went through a spell of self driven EGO, and the result was chaos lol.
When we are freed from EGO and self, it means we are usually helping someone else, wether they're in the rooms or not, helping someone else is the key to freedom from the bondage of self.
This is a great topic, and ont that pertains to me regularly.
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
Wow, your post sure hit my problem on the head. i have a certain streak in me 'that i know best' and stick to that supposition way too easily. i have been struggling with something for years and i keep asking myself "why?" my ego is the reason why, it is right in front of my face, but i see right through it... it has been there so long i look around it instead of getting rid of it, like a very expensive glass window that has a glaring crack in it... time to bite the bullet and get rid of it... thanks bari. great share.
-- Edited by jj on Monday 16th of January 2012 10:09:39 AM
Ego - needs deflating, character defects - need bring right sized, is it not about reducing excesses to normal levels? I was once told my character defects are my character assetts on vodka. arrogance is an extreme form of confidence, fear an extreme form of awareness, procrastination is an extreme form of caution.
My Ego has not been smashed as it says in the book - bloody hell this isn't boot camp is it? - but it has been and continues to be pricked, poked and prodded to deflate it to the size it should be. Currently it's only at a manageable size. Sometimes the holes heal over and ego reflates and I get into trouble, which leads to another spear of truth puncturing the ego and bringing it back down to somewhere it should be.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Never been a great cultivator of humility within myself. My current mission is to limit how much I talk about what's going on with me. Everyone asks "how's it going" but they really would like a one sentence (or one word) answer.
I seem to find when I am running a negative tape in my head it is the ego doing the talking. I get caught up in the obsession of self and when my ego gets to talking, it is awfully hard for me to hear my Higher Power whispering. The ego is very threatened by that quiet voice and for good reason. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Wonderful post...necessary for me to review the journey and its lessons and by reading the responses I see that it is as important to others...alcoholics all.
"I think ego is something we all have, it's God given, and not inherently evil."
I agree with this statement as it touches dead center on my inventories...the "So who am I and what am I"? inventories
Ego is, for me also, God given and when I keep God in it unlike I've done in the past it became "self driven". I took over use and management of a God given asset and the consequences were as others have also experienced themself...just a train wreck. I was also taught the acronym "Easing God Out" (of my ego) and then God thru the use of great sponsorship taught me that If I didn't like the consequences of "Easing God Out" doing the opposite would get me opposite consequences or the results of a life in balance.
Turn EGO; Easing God Out, around...OGE and use these words..."Offering God Entry" 24/7...do it and experience the consequences of it. Offering God Entry to me means adopting the character and name of God...my Higher Power...Akua from within my culture into my thoughts, feelings, self and behaviors. The name of God to many is love and the character is loving...when I practice that...24/7...I become close to God-like and/or God in me. Like my sponsor suggested to me on lessons of anger, rage and violence..."Try this Jerry F...just before you smack her or someone else...wait a couple seconds and then say "I love you" and then hit them." Craziest lesson I ever learned and practiced and there isn't a substitute for it.
EGO...OGE Wow!! Mahalo
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 16th of January 2012 01:22:52 PM
Some psychologists have problems with the AA approach of saying that the ego needs to be smashed and then rebuilt. The problem is that AA uses the term "ego" to define all of the maladaptive patterns we engage in to protect our ego. In psychological terms, the ego is not bad. The ego is what helps us deal with reality and it helps us protect and buffer ourselves from psychic harm. The problems come in when we engage in those maladaptive patterns to protect the ego. Those could be termed defense mechanisms, but in AA we call them Character Defects.
Anyhow, I guess I'm saying that the AA terminology has it's own meaning and context. Terms like ego have taken on different meanings as the field of psychology has developed. I have heard others make this argument before when discussing AA. Often times, psychologists will criticize AA and state that it rips the ego rather than enhancing self esteem. Those of us actually in AA know this is not the case but it's hard to explain to other professionals who have not been on both sides of the coin.
So yes, Ego can be a good thing...particularly when that ego is based more firmly in reality and not as a way to continue being fear based and to avoid reality like we all used to do.
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