I came to this board first, before going to a live AA meeting. Through all of the encouragement and pushing to go to a live AA meeting (9 days ago) here, I finally made that first step through the wooden door. I have admitted and known I am alcoholic for a very long time. I just didn't know there was a cure. I felt hopeless, that I would just live as a drinking fool my whole life. Powerless of course. I never thought about growing old, because I was sure I wouldn't. I dreamed of my children's graduations, weddings and imagined them all grown up, without me there. Still powerless. I went so far as to record myself, so they could hear my voice, music, stories of my life, and know me a little, when they missed me the most. I was THAT SURE I was going to die of this someday sooner than later. My kids are only 5 & 2.

Now that I'm in AA and sober, and have the cure I've been waiting for, for so long, I feel as though I'm picking up where I left off when I was 17 and graduated high school (not yet a drinker). I flunked out of college because of too much drinking and skipping class. Every time I tried to go back, drinking always got in the way. Well, not always. There was that one time during speech class, that I was so nervous to give my speech that I couldn't even speak. So I opted out for the day, to give it another shot the next. This time, armed with my tequila bottle in the bathroom stall, I marched into class ready to give the most dynamic speech of my life! I did get an A in that class. I was a music major. Music sounded SOOOOOOOo much better when I was drinking, and that was what started it for me. I quickly realized I felt better about how I sounded when drinking too! Also, my knee's weren't clanking together when I performed! I could enunciate because my lips weren't stiff and shaking! It was great. And then slowly, it started not being so great. I always assumed I would outgrow drinking this way. I would grow up some day. Now I'm 33, and not only did I not outgrow it, it took over my life. Ruined most of the later part of it.

My cure has brought me back to the person I was at 17. A person who enjoys hard physical work ( I grew up on a dairy farm and loved it). A person who only knew music sober, and still could get lost in it (the eyes closed pure bliss kind of moments that you live for). A giving person, with something (myself) to actually give. A person who enjoys helping people and animals, who can see and love a good soul when they are hurting especially. I'm a trustworthy person again. I love teaching music, writing songs, and watching children enjoy and grow musically. I developed a group music class for children 5 and under, and my HP and I got to this sober point together, just in time for my best classes, and biggest opportunity yet. I can exercise for an hour every morning, instead of lay around cranky and hung over. I can go back to school now, and not be afraid of anything getting in the way. I can love, and accept love. 3 weeks ago, I was dragging around almost ready to end my life. I went to see a counselor, and when asked "who is Natasha?" I had no answer. There was nothing left of me, I didn't even know me. Now I'm skipping through life with direction and a smile. I can do anything by the grace of my HP... even live one day at a time.

P.S.
I fell to my knees in prayer for the first time ever only a week ago (the day after my spiritual awakening). I literally fell because of some of the repercussions of my drinking days. I expect many more tears and devastating moments, and need all of you here on this board to run to, because although I am now cured and happy, doesn't mean I'm not still going through a LOT! Thanks for being here for me : )

Welcome Tasha!!!!!!!!!

Well Marc, I really liked the idea of you throwing out the question to newcomers. There seems to be a lot of people pop in for one or 2 posts, blow off some steam looking for support, then we never hear back from them.

Kudos to Tasha