I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
My gf and the baby and dog went to visit her parents for a week. I was giddy with the idea of seven whole days of complete freedom. I had every intention of spending my time drinking and smoking cigarettes. But the reality is that I've been lonely and sad and drinking just intensified these bad feelings. I missed my baby and my wife and our dog. And in the mornings I just laid around feeling depressed, hangover and sorry for myself. It's been a terrible week. I'm ashamed of myself. This isn't the kind of dad or partner I want to be. But my addiction is so damn powerful...I don't know how to hang onto these memories so I don't make the same mistakes again and again.
I don't know how to hang onto these memories so I don't make the same mistakes again and again.
The short version is:
You can't
that's the hallmark of the alcoholic
the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so that he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.
Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.
How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.
The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"
When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or to permanently insane
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Glad you made it back because there are some ppl who dont .... they either stay out there drinking, or they die.
Get a f2f same sex sponsor ... a good one who can guide you thru the steps, get to some AA mtgs, get involved in some service work, dont drink, pray and stay grateful.
Tipsy's back, I guess the holidays are over. :P Welcome back TM, may willingness find you in above average condition. We don't mind leaving the light on for you, but can you help us out a little with the electric bill?
LOL! welcome back Mr McStagger. is there another name we could call you? keep coming back!! we are all miracles and i am excited to watch yours unfold. hugs from jj/sheila
Welcome back Tipsy. Thank you for reminding me of why I come here, go to meetings, talk to a Sponsor, Rely on God and help others. This diesase is cunning, baffling and powerful. I have a built in forgetter. I need to be reminded. I have a head that lies to me and can't be trusted.
One of the Promises: you will see how your experience will benefit others. Stick around for awhile, you'll benefit others in this Program. You helped me today.
Hey bud! Glad ya got through with that controlled drinking experiment and made it back. When I came in just for relief, I always ended up leaving after I felt better.
I too came in and out for a couple years, it's the hard heads way lol.. I think Tipsy is doing everything right for his story, we all have our paths to the rooms.
But,
There is no easier softer way..
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
Tip...you got sponsorship with John and the meetings and the literature and everything we've got and it sounds like you're onto the willingness...the just after the being sick and tired of being sick and tired. When we get willing we all arrive at the same door leaving our junk outside for the rubbish men to pick up an truck off to the dump. We all arrive...sometime sooner and sometime later...like some I'm a later arriver and with a patient HP and local AA group I was allowed to sit around the tables and announce..."My name is Jerry and I am alcoholic". The rest is history thank God.
