I had been widowed four four years when I met "Bill". Everything deemed to fit perfectly as a new couple we talked three or four times a day. We spent every free moment together. Wow!!! We said out loud "I Love You" to each other. We were planning all the things we would do together. On dinner dates I would politely order iced tea or a soda. Now and then I had a couple of beers. Sometimes a glass of wine. I never lost the control because I didn't want to admit or even tell him I had a problem with alcohol. In the back of my mind I new we should discuss alcohol but I didn't bring it up.
I have had struggles with alcohol for years my deceased refused to allow me to drink. I rolled with it except those rare occassions it caught up to me. Since his death I had been on many binges through the years, but never in front of "Bill. Christmas day I spent with my children and he with his. This would have been our first Christmas to gether. While at home alone waiting for his call. I started drinking. Not one not two not three the whole damned bottle not beer not wine WHISKEY!! When he finally called our pleasentries turn into me ranting and raving in a complete rage!!! About being alone on Christmas it wasn't in person it was on the phone... He had no clue. Ended our 8 month relationship with an e-mail. Won't take my phone calls said he could not be in a relatioship with the person he met through that rage.
I woke the next day in complete self hate remorse and digust of my self. No matter what I tried to explain or appoligize the answer was NO NO NO He is right I should have told him. I am so ashamed that he saw me that way. I walked into my first AA meeting in tears. A woman stood up and walked me into a back room to console me. I have been back everyday except one day I had to work. Twice on the first day. I am so happy to have these people to support me but am so extremely sad about losing him I can't stop crying!!! I feel weak and teary all the time I am complete with out a drink. Too little too late. How do I best focus on my sobriety when I want toexplain to him I am the wonderful person he met. I am shattered
How do I best focus on my sobriety when I want toexplain to him I am the wonderful person he met. I am shattered
Hi Diane, Welcome to the MIP board!
About the best thing I can say is keep coming back and working on you and good things will come to pass.
Say the serenity prayer a lot accept the things you can't change (him and his current opinions) Courage to change the things you can (you) and the wisdom to know the difference.
Your not shattered, just hopefully beaten into a state of reasonableness and a bottom where you can see you need to work on you and the alcoholism.
Just be grateful you met a man who was not into sick relationships, otherwise you might not have reached out for help and the insane secret life would continue.
Trust God, everything will work out as it should.
Take care, Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Hi Diane, you are a wonderful person. AA can help you stay that way and help make you a healthier, emotionally stronger person. this is a program of spiritual growth. a sponsor, the big book, AA, AA friends, finding a power greater than our egos and our alcoholism, and doing service work will help fill that emptiness. Right now you need to take care of yourself, find yourself, love yourself. If Bill is meant to be, he will be back in your life..... and you will be an even "better you" to fall in love with. "but first things first" keep going to meetings and the miracles sobriety opens the doors for will happen. big hugs from jj/sheila
Welcome to "MIP". I can totally relate to your situation right now "TB" . I've been through similar struggles myself over the years, some with favorable outcomes and some not. There were so many unanswered questions, and so little time. The blame game was far from over, but the lingering doubts as to the cause was not. Alcohol was the mitigating factor through it all, without question. The only thing I could change at the time were my behaviors; namely, my alcoholism. When I did, everything else fell into place as it should.
My dilemma, all along, wasn't my inability to commit to a healthy relationship, not in the least. It all centered on one thing "TB", the inability to control my drinking. When I finally faced the stark realization that I was indeed an alcoholic, I started to take action. I had to confront my biggest fear -alcoholism, above all else. And when I did something amazing happened; I was able to love myself, once again.
My suggestion, work on you and only you. See the beauty that lies within, not without. Take a trip beyond the limits of human exposure, and seek out a path that can finally set you free. Take a look at the 'new' you and the opportunities afforded to recovering alcoholics. Strive for something better and never give up hope. We won't, either shoud you.
Who knows what the future can hold for you dear, no one does. But one thing is certain. There's no prospect for a better life unless we change our ways now. There's hope dear, trust me there is. It all starts with a decision though, a decision to drink or seek help. I hope you make the right decision, here and now. This forum is great, but it can only supplement our sobriety for so long. AA is always my first choice. Therapy is also a viable outlet, and so is an addiction counselor -however you decide.
Whatever you do "TB", don't drink...it could be your last. Trust the process and wait for the miracle to happen. Believe me, it will. Remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. I hope you give sobriety a fighting chance, and begin to experience all the joys associated with this sober life, starting today.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Monday 9th of January 2012 03:07:11 AM
Good for you for taking the necessary steps to get sober. Keep the focus on you and staying sober and everything else will fall into place ... if it was meant to be.
Hi True blue and welcome to A.A. The only advice I can give you is to go to meetings, say your prayers, and stick with women who are sober. There is no magic bullet in A.A., and usually the only way to stop drinking and hurting is to help another alcoholic who still suffers. Share until you can't share anymore about what plagues you TB, it's key to your survival.
You may have lost Bill, but you found yourself in the process, I think it's time to Love yourself and let the promises ring true in your life.
-- Edited by The Addiction Club on Saturday 7th of January 2012 06:03:11 AM
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"Never make someone a priority who makes you an option"
Welcome. I found some things I may never fully right, but if I can honestly say that I tried, then I found that this power that got me sober is the same power that will bring peace that surpasses all understanding. The AA book says that one is God -may you find Him now. I used to be restless, irritated and discontented, until I embarked on a program to build my spiritual life first. Today if any of these defects surface, I use my program to eradicate it immediately, so that I may not squander any more hours that God has given me.
Hello Trueblue and welcome to the board. It's text book stuff for alcoholics to sabotage relationships. All this "planning for the future" expectations to keep the fears of abandonment away, instead of enjoying being with that person,one day a time, will do it every time. If you want to, someday, have a meaningful relationship, you must focus on your drinking problem. It's not an easy fix, and you're not going to be able to hide it from anyone. There is good news. If you take a year or so off from relationships and work this 12 step program hard, with a good sponsor, you can do anything that you want to, sober.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 7th of January 2012 07:05:23 AM
I am there with you, wishing I had been more honest with myself and my loved ones long ago. But you can't open the door to the next chapter in your life, if you keep re-reading the last one (just read that in a post about 30 things not to do... just this morning).
