Hello, welcome to the MIP family!

Welcome 170.  Glad to have you on the board.  The forum can provide you with support, but for me it's a supplement to my AA Program.  Putting the drink down was hard, but not nearly as difficult as not picking it up again.  That's our dilema.  We have a thinking diesase which leads us to drink.  Without working on the Thinking part of my diesase- I drank.

I tried every 1/2 measure available prior to surrendering to the entire AA program.  Sounds like you haven't accumulated to much wreckage in your life yet.  That's good.  You can get off the Merry Go Around at any time.  We deal with a cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive diesase.  One that tells us over and over again that we can drink like normal people.  This time will be different.  It lies to us.  We have a diesase that wants us to be so uncomfortable that we pick up.

Have a considered an AA meeting?

Most of us who have had the problem you are now having found out that no human power can relieve this kind of situation. Counsel and correspondence is a part of what it takes to be free from this and there's a little more to it. It was only when I was ready to do whatever it takes that I have been able to get anywhere with it. And for what it's worth, I haven't had a drink in 2 months(in a row!). And the cool part is, that I haven't had to fight off the urge to drink simply because I got some instructions and follow the advice of some people that have had the same trouble. If alcohol does to you what it does to me, then please don't wait as long as I did to finally give in and do whatever it takes!

Hey, 170...If you look for a string titled "I don't know if I'm an alcoholic but I'm going to meetings anyway" you will see you are for sure not alone. I lurked on here for a bit reading posts, then tipped my toe, ran my own drinking experiment, benchmarked it against a checklist that Rob provided (it's within that string) and just gave up the fight. I can't pretend I don't have a problem with booze, I can't pretend that I can control it when I drink, I can't pretend that booze hasn't contributed to leveling my life flat out, I can't pretend I know how to manage it, I just can't pretend. I'm stuck on labeling myself an alcoholic, that just is so permanent, ya know, but I'm going to squack like a duck until I can say the words, since the duck definately is a duck.

I am right where you are, my friend, fighting for my life. I have been sober for 2 days.

WE always leave the light on!

Welcome to this forum. In the beginning I also found that I was unwilling to try AA face to face meetings. I was posting to this board for about two weeks. I then drank much to my surprise, though I had no intention of doing so and had detoxed to a certain extent. The following sunday through much encouragement from members of this board, I found meetings through an online directory that I found comfortable going to. I found AA face to face meetings very good and I now go to more than what I went to in the beginning over two years ago. I go to three plus a week. I have found that the members have supported, helped and guided me at every turn. It has proved to be a very welcome support in my life and I have taken it slowly. I have never found it to pretend to be what it is not. My home AA group is not a counselling forum. It does not tell me what I should or should not do. It does not ask invasive questions. It has helped me deal with the fact that I am an alcoholic. I certainly did not have to work a 'programme' the minute I walked through the door and in fact was encouraged that it is a "we" process. There has never been any pressure on me to subscribe to any views whatsoever though it did become apparently obvious to me that my life was and is still to some extent unmanageable. I now have a sponsor who is going through the big book with me and it is something I am committed to. My life became hell when I drank. My drinking and effects were worse than what I knew. I hope you give AA a chance. Keep an open mind. I wish you well.

170Y wrote:

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I need help.  I have a problem with alcohol.

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AA is for people willing to go to any lengths to quit, because half measures avail us nothing

Help is offered repeatedly through this thread, help from people who know how to quit drinking, you write everything you have tried, and nothing worked, so you ask for help from a group of people that know how to quit drinking, and when they tell you what to do,

you respond:

170Y wrote:

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Im just not ready for AA meetings.  I cant work a program

I cant control my drinking. 

I am not willing to do whatever it takes 

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Not ready for that yet

 

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 When you are ready, come find us, in the meantime, keep doing what you are doing until you reach the point of desperation, you may need to lose everything, you may need to lose your family and husband, you will either reach that point or, quite frankly die, or be institutionized, or end up insane, alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease that always gets worse, your life can always keep getting worse as long as you keep drinking

or you could simply go to a meeting, but we find it a waste of time to work with people not willing to go to any lengths, because they don't stay sober, If nothing changes, nothing changes, we will be here when you are ready and we will welcome you with open arms, until then, ...I don't know how to say this, but it's going to just keep getting worse, and worse...and worse, you think life sucks now, just keep drinking

 

Good luck

 

GG and Maire Rua make some VERY important and valid points

TwelveSteps wrote:

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It's OK if you don't feel ready or don't think you can work a program. That's how a lot of people felt when they first came into AA. Just go to a meeting, talk to some people, and listen. Take it one day at a time. It's not a commitment to just go to a few meetings. If you don't have to go back if you don't want to, but I think you will feel a lot of relief just to have some face to face support from people who have gone through the same thing.

GG

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 The support is here, but sobriety won't necessarily be on "your terms" or you would be sober already, you want we have, you do what we did, period, if you feel another way will work, that's OK, it really is, and I wish you luck, but this is AA, and if you want what WE have, you do what WE DO, period, it's not negotiable, it's not like a "rule" as in we enforce it, it's a truism, like if you don't put on clothes you will be naked.

-- Edited by LinBabaAgo-go on Saturday 7th of January 2012 02:24:48 AM

As a woman, I know how hard and scary it can be... read the sticky note on the message board: Letter to a woman alcoholic. Then just know you're going to find a group of people who will help you. I've gone to 5 meetings in 5 days. The first day I showed up at a meeting, was from the pressing of the people on this board. I thought to myself "if nothing else, I will just get a sponsor". I sat through the meeting, which much to my surprise did not consist of hobo's and drunk people as I later realized I expected. People were friendly, and I felt like I could actually be friends with these people, as it was hard for me to make friends in the real world, I already had something very big in common with these people, and they all understood my life completely. I wasn't the only middle-upper class person there by far, it was mostly people who had been sober and leading productive meaningful lives. Sober for 20, or 30 yrs! I realized then the difference between what I had thought up to that point, and when I left. I always thought at some point I would "grow up" and be able to control my drinking, that this was a permanent problem and that I could just quit, and then be able to drink normally. Not sure WHY or HOW this would happen. So now I'm 33 and not grown up, and realized I was never going to "out grow" this. My life was falling apart. My husband hates me, doesn't understand it. People at AA will understand. I went to speaker meeting the next night, and as someone above mentioned, it is simple. You just sit and listen, no talking, no new rituals that you know nothing about to try and follow. You have to fully embrace the fact that you'll never be able to drink like other people, and then you'll want to go every day like I do! You'll see yourself changing every day, and crave the next day, not liquor.

170Y wrote:

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Not ready for that yet.

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It took me far too many years to be able to walk through those doors so I know what you mean. I'm not sure how you are going to go asking for a taylor made plan around here. I couldn't help you with that because I need and use all the parts of the program to keep me sober and let me be happier and freeer than I ever expected.

But, as others have said, we don't bite and we'll keep a seat for you if you ever feel that you need it.

Best wishes.

Thank you, John.  Your post has been most helpful with some real practical things I can do until I feel ready to jump in with both feet.  Many of the posts here have been encouraging, but I have been very discouraged by the posts that basically say "Its our way or don't bother".  

I can't promise 2 hours a day but 1 for sure and I will do it in the evening becasue that is when I drink.   I have started reading the AA Big Book.  It is helpful to know that it is online.  Thanks again.

OK.  I'm sitting here with a cup of TEA getting ready to cruise the boards.  I hope I will be able to post tomorrow that I didn't drink tonight.  Thanks for all the encouraging words.

-- Edited by 170Y on Tuesday 10th of January 2012 09:22:20 PM

Hi, You sound like someone who should really use this program. There are people in my family who drink the amount you do and Ive seen some pretty sad things happen. I never had this program work until I actually went to meetings and took home reading material and began using the steps. The changes Ive seen with this program are far better than what alcohol was doing for me, i used to find I was drinking for a reason and I soon found that spirituality is far better than the affects I wanted from alcohol, not to mention the health benfits, I hope you are able to overcome your habit and wish you the best -Brian.

Welcome 170Y, there's no set paths to sobriety, just suggested avenues that worked for others. I hope you're doing well and I also hope you find the sobriety you seek. There are many here willing to help..

Marc

Good to hear. :)

I hope it's the detox tea.

170Y wrote:

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I need help.  I have a problem with alcohol.  I drink brandy or whiskey almost every night.  Probably the equivalent of 2 6 shots.  Sometimes when I drink too much and do something stupid and embarrassing I can stop drinking for a week or two but soon decide that I can control it and start again.  I really want to stop and feel like I can if I have someone I can correspond with regularly.  Is there someone who would be willing to be a support to me through email?

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          170Y wrote:

"As I listen to these tapes I feel even more like I am not ready for a meeting. I haven't trashed my life with alcohol yet.  I haven't been a beng drinker, blacked out, lost a job, ruined a relationship, drove drunk, had an physical withdrawel, etc.  I don't think I am convinced that I am an alcoholic.  I just know that I have a hard time not drinking everyday and I want to stop before it gets worse.  There has to be some other people like me.  I am going to keep listening to tapes and reading the board and the Big Book."

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Reading these two posts back to back, it appears that they were written by two different people.  Amazing what a few days of abstainence does to the memory.  . 

Seriously,  how could you drink for a whole week or two, and not drive drunk or lose a job?  One would have to be unemployed and have someone driving them or running errands for them.  Not every alcoholic is in a postion where they don't have to work or drive, and not all have experienced the losses that you're hearing in those speaker tapes.  However, lots of folks, who haven't experienced those losses like yourself, go back out the door of AA just to gain those experiences. We call those losses "Yets"  It hasn't happened Yet!  Some of these folks we see again (who are ready to get sober) but most we don't see again, and that's the sad part of this  groudhog's day type of existence, that we live, in recovery, watching, knowing what's in store and all we can do is plead, pray, and accept the enevitable.   Chose wisely, your life depends on it. 

Every chair at an established AA group is a "dead man's chair". 

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 12th of January 2012 07:47:04 PM

Thanks for clarifying. Only you can decide if you want to meet our only requirement.

It's starting to make more and more sense to me why my first sponsor was burnt out. I see now that AA is going to be harder than I thought. Thanks 170, for helping me stay sober today.