Aloha MIPers...It was appropriate that this past awareness from past inventories came back to mind this morning and that somewhat of an urge to try it again also passed my frontal lobe.
I got frustrated and angry and resentful and fearful...harrassed again by the police...and so for the moment I went after myself my ego and self will getting a flogging. When I arrived at my work place I sat in my truck for a moment and inventoried...broad inventory...and an old awareness revisited...when something caused me to fell less than I trashed myself with a bottle of ?...not choosey. I had that old prefeeling to "needing to" trash myself and was grateful that it brought me back to "what it is like now". I have also been re-inventorying a lifetime of oppositional defiant thoughts, feelings and behaviors which use to help pit me against the cops and or other forces which again resulted in my joining my enemies and trashing myself. I have fought "stuff" all my life before getting into recovery; even alcohol. Alcohol by far is the mightiest opponent. So I'm not doing alcohol again and at the same time I am so oppositional about "other" taking my freedom away from me time to time enough to piss me off. 3 stops in the last month and 3 weeks with one assault.
Using Dr.Pauls lesson on "acceptance" alot along with hanging close with my Higher Power.
Thanks Jerry, it is good we can take a "reflection" even though we do drift back time to time..I know one thing..IF GOD IS FOR ,WHO CAN STAND AGAINST US.Stay close,and that peace that surpasses all understanding will come.....based on the evidence..............
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hi Jerry, As I read and re-read and re-read (just to make sure I was understanding correctly) your share, I felt some concern. Is it possible some of the concerns you shared about in previous posts have taken up residence within you ??? When that happens to me I find the "guests" have a tendency to breed nasty offspring's. My first sponsor mentioned a thing ----- Sex or money problems is what gets people drunk. Assault more often than not is the action of something way deeper than the situation that brought it about, in my experience. I did pick up on " When I feel Less Than " When this happens to me to the extent that I start "Acting Out" I put on the brakes and I grab a pencil and some paper and start writing. I cannot afford to live that close to the edge. Respectfully, Wayne T.
Worried 4 U 2--drawing the heat and being combative is so uncomfortable---just doesn't do a thing for serenity and sobriety. When I'm in that kind of mode, even if I don't act out to the extremes of the past, I have to dig deep to reconnect with my higher power--back to admitting and accepting that I am not God, and I am powerless, but I am not helpless and there are tools to be used. Best wishes.
