The First few times I went surfing were some of the most miserable times of my life, the board wobbled underneath me and would hit me in the face and moved around with every little bump in the water as I struggled to control it, paddling out used muscles I was unfamiliar with and the workout I got was unlike any workout I had ever gotten in my life, it was an unstable platform in a world I couldn't control, and the harder I tried, the harder it was...I still remember catching my first wave and then standing up, learning to steer the board in the direction I wanted to go by working with the waves rather then against it, the elation I felt from riding an actual "rhythm from God" was indescribable, I was at one with the planet, riding the rhythms of the cosmos, literally, waves being caused by the sun and the moon, gravitational pull...and I was at one with it.
That summer I lost weight and got in better shape then I had ever been, as time went on it as I learned to go "with" the surfboard, and let it move -with- me rather then struggle against it, it got easier and easier requiring less and less effort until it hardly took any effort at all, I learned patience, I was in shape, I was mentally and physically healthy and happy...I had learned to be "at one" with God, at least part of the time....
Working the Program was the same way, I came in the program with an attitude of complete surrender, all my score cards read zero, so I was open to change, I learned it's not change that is uncomfortable and painful, but my resistance to change
I started working step one with my sponsor and things began to happen, I read ahead and realized I was halfway through step two before I ever even looked at it, so my sponsor and I worked step 2 together, and I read ahead again, and realized I was halfway through step 3 before I had ever even looked at it, and so on, as I worked each step it was like a vortex that pulled me into the next step as I came to realize that by working these steps they began working me, on me, in me and in ways I couldn't explain, around me, my outside world began changing the same way physicists describe particles change when you observe them or direct your thoughts at them, my inside life began manifesting itself in the physical world in ways I can only describe as miracles...
Was it effortless?
Yes and no, it provided it's own impetus though when I got it rolling, it was like pushing a heavy car, difficult at first and I didn't think I could do it, but as it started rolling it only required a bit of effort on my part to keep it rolling, and when I did steps 4-9 it was more like hills and valleys, to begin each step I had to -push- to make it up the hill but once I got started it was almost impossible to stop, I started writing on my fourth step and wrote over 100 pages, I started talking in my fifth step and it took days to complete, it was like the breaking of a dam, an entire life I kept bottled up and buried came pouring out, and it felt so good I did it again and again, each time easier then the last until it required no effort at all, much like surfing, and also like surfing it taught me to ride "God's waves", I AM going to go from Point A to Point B, the question is I am I going to surf and enjoy the ride or be drug underwater, struggling and fighting and maybe even drowning because I haven't learned how to "Let Go"
God and The Ocean have a few things in common, they are both powerful beyond measure, and we can only survive happily swimming in them by learning to submit, to move -with- the currents and not against them
It breaks my heart to see people come into this program and not avail themselves of these tools we are given to learn how to ride God's waves, to blame depression, and circumstances and blah blah blah, to watch the waves of life drag them from one crisis to the next as I say "Work the steps, your life will be different" as they tell me how thank you, but I am just going to keep doing what I am doing, I am just going to try a little harder, I am going to do the same thing and expect different results...
The Ocean and God don't really care HOW hard you "try", there IS no "try", there is only "do" or "do not"
The steps are a surf board for life, to teach us how to ride God's Rhythms on dry land, to teach us how to go from Point A to Point B and enjoy the ride and not struggle, or be swept under and drown, yes it's difficult at first, but like everything else it gets easier and easier until one day it's effortless, it's hardwired into who we are, it becomes integrated
Practice
Practice these principals
Practice these principals in all our affairs
Why shouldn't we be happy? we have been given the tools to recover and the means to help others do the same...doesn't mean fuck-all when we throw the life preserver and the poor person is too busy drowning and crying about how/why/what/where he is drowning to actually grab the GD thing and start learning some different tools
Andrew O
__________________
Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
The last time JerryF "laid it down on any swell" was in 1974 just as his first marriage was ending and his drinking became the largest swell he ever tried to ride. My last ride was on a 9'8" limo on a calm peaceful swell that ran for almost a quarter mile in Kahana Bay Oahu's Northeast shore. I rode it like I was standing on the rim of a canyon over looking my life and when it was done I just walked off the board and on to the beach and into the bottle for real. Several months later in American Samoa in the village of Paviai I was in toxic shock...all alone...in the dark...with rats in the rafters larger than cats and I was still not done for another 5 years. With no wife or children I had little interference between me and the bottle and it owned me until 1979. The most surfing I do today is with my key board...getting help and giving it back. And besides my body is older than my brain and I don't trust the relationship. LOL
Lin...it will take me a bit to read your whole post...Attention Deficit Disorder you understand. Have a great holiday.
Thank you for the post Andrew I have read it a few times but it was only just now that I actually read it. Having had very little sleep last night I found I really needed something more than my usual tools to get out of this, ummm, snappy mood. I found I needed something more than my ususal morning routine, something more than the usual read of the latest posts and I found myself on this page again. This time I really took the time to read and understand the post. A couple of things jumped out at me.
"my resistance to change" I realize I desperately want serenity but I think that I want it my way and it is not working or rather although I stay sober I don't find my serenity.
This one hit me like a brick
"It breaks my heart to see people come into this program and not avail themselves of these tools we are given to learn how to ride God's waves, to blame depression, and circumstances and blah blah blah, to watch the waves of life drag them from one crisis to the next as I say "Work the steps, your life will be different" as they tell me how thank you, but I am just going to keep doing what I am doing, I am just going to try a little harder, I am going to do the same thing and expect different results..." I, for all the usual reasons, am stuck on step 3, I am at a point that I wonder how can I possibly try any harder? I am at the threshold of " I must be one of the unfortunates" Step 4 is what I need to do and then step 5 and then the rest.
