So today I got news of a death in my extended family. First one since starting my journey into sobriety.
This morning I was sad; cried and extended condolences to those more affected than myself. The kept myself busy taking care of others all day.
At dinnertime, with a houseful of "I wants", I found myself getting snippy. I was angry. I didn't take the time to process that I was going into the next phase of grief. I didn't think at all. I knew what to do.
I checked my list and found the next meeting. I went there and during my share, in the "before" portion I said out loud that for 30 years I drank away any strong emotions and never really felt anything. In my "after" portion I said what I was feeling and that I felt safe among "Us".
I was right. The Old Timers assured me that i had done the right thing, especially in early sobriety. They said (paraphrased) "The second you feel anything that isn't serenity...call your sponsor and/or get to a meeting. Turn it over to Us. We help each other stay sober...that's what this is all about."
So tomorrow I'm having my sponsor over for coffee. Tonight I can go to bed knowing that with God & AA's help, we beat the odds again, for another 24 hours.
Nicely Done Rob! My Sponsor reminds me often that our diesase has no defense against a solid program of AA. It's when we try to do it alone that we get picked off. It's too much for us to handle alone.
I am sorry for your loss. Sobriety doesn't promise we won't hurt in our journey, what it promises is that we will learn how to deal with life on life's terms and we don't ever have to do it alone. As long as we understand that life is a full package deal, the good and the not so good, and we don't take a drink on either end of the spectrum... we stand a pretty good chance of getting to the other side of anything life throws our way.
My sponsor use to say... feel, deal and chill... then watch what God does.
