"There is no place in active life on which thought is negligible." -- T. S. Eliot
It is not a crime to think. It is not a sin to have a brain. To think is human.
However, so much of my past thinking was destructive and negative. The disease of addiction permeated every aspect of my life particularly my thoughts. For years my best ideas justified my addiction. Today I am open to a change of mind. I can choose to change my ideas. I am free to think differently. God is alive in my willingness to change.
Lord, help my thinking to recover.
######ROSIE.....my past thinking was so bad, it actually smelled......it was SOOO negative, *gloom and doom* extreme hate and rage and resentment.....extreme thought that i was a victim of life, and it wasn't going to change....i SWORE i was cursed.....that the "generational sins" of my father would curse me for ever.....i just never understood, that getting into recovery and working the first three steps would change that....give me a free BRAND NEW chance at life....that God does NOT *curse* a small child who was so brutally attacked....i was a product of my abuse...the fall out from it controlled my every exhistance.......i became a compulsive drinker (self medication) a compulsive eater (needing nurturing, mothering, filling the emptyness of my life with food) i became a compulsive control freak (my desperate attempt to avoide the horrible out of control life i was forced to live)...i became a compulsive fantasizer (my need to escape my horrid life was so great, i actually created in my mind a new--happy one to which i could "run to" for some sort of happiness) my life was hell, so i had to escape it anyway, i could...............all i did was RUN.....run to alcohol......run to food.......run to my *other life*.........run FROM me!!!!! and as long as i *ran from* me i wouldn't get shed of the demons that tormented me 24/7......only by deciding to get into recovery and turn and FACE them down, would i get free..........TODAY.....i am willing to change my perspective of me/ of God/ of life.........TODAY i am open to healthier views on me/God/life...........TODAY i choose to change my way of life...my way of thinking....from MY will to God's will..........TODAY i am free to think diferently.............in the past i had NO choice over my mind/emotions/activities/beliefs/ even my own body.........TODAY i am free to think healthy....to think of things good...to think of things that are of the light......my Higher Power who works through me stengthens me in my willingnes/ my DESIRE to change............
