I am new here and very greatful today. What a day, I was nominated an elected grapevine rep for a group I have attended for about a year and a half. I WAS VERY EXITED. The next day I attended my normal meeting with my sponsor. As usual the meeting was inspired the men's groups usually are. A member was concerned that the meeting had become soft and that not all his needs from the group where being met. He seemed to of substituted his alcohol problem for Hershey kisses and has become addicted to these wonderful treats.

After the break off and meeting was over I was compelled to tell my sponsor about other substances that i started taking only after not finding enough relief just being sober from alcohol. I have 2 years of sobriety from alcohol and only a year and a half in the program. I just recently took on a sponsee first one. I attend 3 meetings a week I have been secretary and treasure of other meetings. My sponsor gave me an altamadem, that he would not be my sponsor unless I have absolute sobriety from any mood altering substances. I think I new that would be his response hence never telling him. As a matter of fact I have never mentioned any substance for against taken snorted smoked ingested other than alchohol at any meeting I have ever attended. I emediately went to check my facts grab the phone list and started calling members that where not part of my everyday program."..the first time I ever used the phone list to call a person. First I called a member that elected my rep. Long story short absolute sobriety means no mood altering substances just politely back down from rep. At that moment I threw up alittle in my mouth. discusted angree alone and without hope again how can this be my faith my sobriety my commitments my friends all fake all a day dream brought on by mood altering substances I am evil. Back to research back to the book I know I can,t be under a spell I am so happy it can,t be fake. I prayed and ask for courage to face this horrible revelation or to justify my horrible self absorb program that i have conveniently moded to my satisfaction.

Either way it ment starting over giving my chips back asking for understanding from the group and apologize for the deception. Round and round it went in my head I tried to go out to Walmart to just at least get out of my head to no avail I found my self baffed could not focus concentrate on the simplest of task much less talk to any body. Realized that I felt the Simpsons I thought I had overcome. It is true it's just an illusion I thought , feeling more and more sick I just wanted it all to go away this dilima is more trouble than it's worth, people in this program only expect the best,brightest,cleanest,working class of folks they can find, and I just do not fit, how can continue to move forward like this.when igot home not willing to just give up on the program that has brought more joy in my life since the birth of my only child. I picked up the phone and called a member with a deep understanding of the traditions and the historical knowledge after reading a post at aa discussion board that a member posted titled "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." Talking about a godless man entering the doors vowing never to have god part of his program,violating this principle at the formation of aa was not an option. The founds some came to there winces thank god and solidified the 3rd traditond reAlizing there is just simply not enough care and guidance and faith or gods to deal with ever part of a humans existence why not lets just keep it simple and deal with alchohol. Being a godless man I soon came to find out the member on the phone from the other group was had never read this story and was interested being a historian of sorts an productive godless member of aa has to deal with this daily. We talked I explained the despair I felt and anger torward my sponspor.

BEING THE FOUNDER OF THIS AA GROUP, he said if you want to be grapevine rep. We need one. We talked about views and policies group conscious decisions an how groups very. I find it just wonderful that this godless man is sober I can not wait to testify to him on my god and his existence. He went further to explain that I would really enjoy the GSR district meetings held 4 times a year...he went further to say he would be happy to have me as the gsr we need one. I felt relieved an in love again. The power of this program e love and support received from ever angle is what keeps me from picking up that drink. Can we please just stick to alchohol the founders make it very clear what is considered sobriety as it relates to the principles of aa don't drink alchohol. I feel so much better sorry if you made it through this mess I have adhd,depression,chronic tendinitis,smelly feet,itchy places ut,a strange sore on my foot, late child support due to not being able to work today, not sure how I am going to pay rent ,the holidays...all these things are effecting my mood,and at the end of the day I fed my addiction my desire to stop drinking. I love my family and never want to loose it it truly has saved my life.