How many times have I picked up a 30 day chip? Just about as many white chips and that has been many since 1996!! And the question is, "what's different this time?" Well, I know for sure the only reason I've ever come through the doors of AA has been for relief-to quit hurting. I never pursued recovery. Sometimes I'd stay dry a year, 9 months, 6 months ect. "Things" would come back into my life and I equated them with recovery. NOT TRUE! Getting a job, a girl, a place to live, a flat screen tv and so on ain't it. The reason I finally know this for sure is that I have always ended up at the pawn shop to get money for the motel room I ended up in to drink. The gift of desperation only lasts so long and all the sudden I get a little comfortable. Slack off on meetings. Call the sponsor less. Eventually the sinking feeling that life has no value sinks in and then comes the drink.
What's different now is that by God's Grace I've truly surrendered to recovery. I have admitted complete defeat and daily practice complete abandon. I go to meetings every night with my sponsor. I clean up after meetings. I volunteer to read at the beginning of meetings. I follow total direction- even when I don't agree. I get up in the morning, get on my knees and pray. I talk to at least one alcoholic in recovery every day. I daily discipline myself not to live by my feelings (that's a tough one!) I "act as if" even when I feel as lost as last year's Easter egg. I plan my day around AA instead of piecing AA into my life. I'm reading and working Step One into my life with my sponsor. Amazingly I have peace in admitting powerlessness. Acceptance is sometimes painful, but is a mind set that helps get me through the day.
As a chronic retread, I hope others like me will read this and in their mind say, "if this guy can do it, I can too." Thanks all you guys that have supported me during the ups and downs of the last few months that I've posted here. It is because of your example that I am no longer terminally unique!
-- Edited by David W on Friday 9th of December 2011 05:34:48 PM
-- Edited by David W on Friday 9th of December 2011 05:37:48 PM
Welcome back David!!! Im praying for you! It took me 2 years of in and out to finally realize I AM POWERLESS OVER ONE DROP! Keep coming back, we need you!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Good work! I have heard of tokens before. i was wondering if anyone knows how to find a small AA group that gives tokens (small concrete things for me to hold on actually help me). VERY GOOD WORK, Congrats!
Awesome news! Keep coming back...it does work if ya work it. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Good work! I have heard of tokens before. i was wondering if anyone knows how to find a small AA group that gives tokens (small concrete things for me to hold on actually help me). VERY GOOD WORK, Congrats!
Most meetings do this in the beginning, they ask if anyone wants a coin for a length of sobriety, usually its 24hrs, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, 6 months, a year, 18 months, multiples of years. Try some different meetings I am sure at least 1 out of 3 will offer the coins there!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
