Welcome Back, Friend! Yeah, it's hard. I, too, have many, many day twos. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Progress, not perfection. Congratulations on two 24-hours. You know the drill...go to meetings, don't drink between meetings, get a sponsor and start steppin'.
This last 24-hours is about the...50th one or so that I've managed.

Wanna know what's different for me this time? I recognize my patterns and now I "get it". The Program is aaaalllll about whatever it takes to stay away from that first drink. It means re-building my head and really, really relying on the power of Faith to get me through the rough spots. I have a sponsor that has what I want; serenity.

Don't be a stranger,
Rob

You know Tipsy....You can sit around in a garage for years....And it's not going to turn you into a chevy truck. If this is what you want to do...Willing to go to any lengths...Get a sponsor that can deal with you and do it...If you aren't done drinking...Then finish what it is you have to do so you "are done." Taking the steps is working the program....Collecting white chips is wasting valuable drinking time. Take your pick. Good luck.

Whatever you decide to do Tipsy, your drinking is ruined forever(AA gives that gift freely lol). You will not drink in peace, you will always feel as though you are an Alcoholic, and the reality is, you most likely are if you can't stop. You've gotten some great advice here, but no one can force you to do anything. But I will say that you should stop drinking if you're an alcoholic, because the drink is consuming you slowly and it will remove everything from your life in time. It moves ever so slowly, but it all happens faster than you can imagine Tipsy. Please keep coming back and please continue to go to meetings, the answer you seek is there but you have to be there to hear it.

First and most important Welcome Tipsy
I also stopped taking chips, although I have never questioned the importance of AA to me, I just became too beaten and discouraged even in sobriety to have faith in myself.
I had to smile when you wrote that you started to question the program. It took me back to the speaker tape I just listened to (a few times) on this forum. He talks about the first thing he got back was his opinion and then he got his judgement back and then he got drunk.
This last time I said to my sponsor This is my last kick at the can. I don`t think I have ever upset her except that time. She said you just have to keep coming back until something sticks and it will if you keep coming back. I only know 2 things for sure 1) I desperately I want sobriety and all the promises and 2) This disease is baffling cunning and powerful
Because only something that powerful could overtake my desperation of wanting sobriety.

I hope I am here long enough to see you still be here

Not picking up a drink for 2 days isn't the hard part.

For me, living sober day after day is the hard part.

That's why I had to hang out at A.A. clubs, go to tons of meetings day after day and often multiple times per day.

That's why I eventaully got a sponser, became connected to the fellowship and began working the steps.

I don't remember exactly when it stopped being hard. What I remember is one day (a little over a year I think) I suddenly realized I couldn't remember the last time I felt the strong urge to drink.

TipsyMcstagger wrote:

---

I don't even take 24 hour chips anymore...all the groaning, eye-rolling and "here we go again" from the other meeting participants annoys me. I guess I can't blame them since for the past decade my pattern has been to show up at a meeting feeling bad, get some sober time and start feeling better, proclaim myself cured while making lots of comments about how "easy" it was for me and how it only took me a couple of the steps to do it. Then I usually start questioning the validity of the program and offering a lot of unsolicited advice to anyone who will listen about how I would make it better. Then I go out and get drunk and tell anyone who will listen about how AA is full of crackpots and losers. Then a few months later I show up hungover and start the whole process again.

I imagine that I'm fairly exasperating to deal with.

---

Come to think of it, this is kinda what I do on this forum.

 

From your last response/post are you setting yourself up again TM?...I didn't see any exhasperation from the board other than what you mentioned.  Sounds like a prep to have another...sounds like what I use to do...that "whats the use"? question without just going with the solutions. 

Think Cunning, Powerful and Baffling...Think the last word of the second step..."Sanity" cause you've been doing the insanity merry-go-round.  Only person that gets to stop TMcS is TMcS and a power greater than him.  "...on you knees is about as very basic a suggestion as I've ever got on this journey in sobriety."   Today is has evolved to the simplest of prayers to my HP...consistently from when I wake up until I say "Thank You" and go to sleep.   That simple prayer is "Place me where you want me and show me what to do."   You can have it and use it as your own.  It's worked major for me in my life and maybe will do so for yourself.  You've gotta be honest with HP and yourself.  As all others have said already..."You've gotta want this or you're done".  Our disease will take you till you're done if you let it cause ours is a fatal disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions.  Sobriety has to exist on all those levels all at the same time or I keep moving till I'm done. 

Sponorship  brother...stop sponsoring yourself and find another recovering alcoholic who knows how this is done and has long time in sobriety and ask..."Will you help me"?  That also was how I did it and you can use that also.   I didn't ask "Can you..."? because I was so self centered and arrogant and self sponsoring until I couldn't go any farther down in my life.  "Will you talks about unity and commitment and that is what I needed." 

So enough talk...enough chatter and spposin and maybing...You want to get at the unmanageable part of your life?  Let it go and turn it over to others including a Power Greater than yourself.  You've given yourself enough "see I'm really a failure" pep talking.   You're wrong but you won't come to understand that until see yourself as your Higher Power does and also how another recovering drunk sees you.  Many of us know how we did what you are doing now.  You have to come to know what we did in order to be doing what we do now.

Just have ((((hugs)))) left.  Keep coming back    

I've only got a simple reply in me now for today. So, sincerely glad you are sober for today and glad you are here.

Tipsy, nows a good to get on with the spiritual part of the program. I've much enjoyed this digital format, a link that angelov8 provided a link to (thanks Angeline). TM read this chapter

http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_44.htm  to page 57 and get back to us.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 9th of December 2011 05:26:16 AM

I know a guy 30 years in AA 20 years sober. Took him 10 years of doing exactly what u explain above before he put the drink down. What he did do right was he kept coming back. And one day, he had enough and got willing to go to any lengths.

God bless.