Step 1 says we admitted we were powerless over alcohol. Over time I've come to accept that I am powerless over many things. This latest one is a crunch.
A good friend of mine, Rico, has been diagnosed with a cancerous tumour in his throat. It's not responding to Chemo and so on Tuesday he starts an agressive course of combined radiation and chemo. It's knocking seven shades outta him.
Rico is so positive about this. But man he's suffering physically. And you know what? We're both powerless over this. I can't fix him, he can't fix hisself. It's one day at a time for both of us, in our own way.
This is not something I can share in my local meetings because too many people know him and not many of us know how bad it is. So thanks for letting me share this here.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I just recently shared something with another group when the question was asked, is there a God? ... Here was my reply, in part:
Anyone sticking around this program for any length of time has but to open their eyes to see the miracles within our rooms ... as I kept going to meetings I began to sense and feel the presence of God around me ... God speaks to me through people just like you ...
We had a member that went to Florida to help his daughter move a couple of years ago ... He had some kind of a heart condition and was hospitalized ... we got daily reports of his condition and received reports that the doctors had done all they knew to do but he got worse ... our next meeting it was reported that all his organs were shutting down and the family was told to start making arrangements for his funeral ...
We spread the news to all the area AA groups and began a prayer vigil on his behalf ... he died ... and was brought back ... we prayed for days ... he died again ... and was brought back ... we continued to pray that he would come back to us to share his wisdom with us ... In two weeks of touch and go, he began to get his organs back to working, then he gained strength ... soon he came back home ... recovery took a while ... today, he's back to all the meetings and helping recovering alcoholics again ... He still looks a little frail, but hey, he's here and spreading the success that's found in AA ...
There is absolutely no-one that will ever convince me that it wasn't God's hand that touched this man ... I know God took a few days and heard all the prayers pleading to save this man ... and then gave us His answer to our prayers ...
I know we don't always see the results we want, but it's not my job to understand, but to be grateful for the friends I have ....
Thanks for sharing BB, take care and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
so sorry for your friend, Bill. i have gone through the powerlessness of watching my Mum and cancer taking her life. while she was here all i could do was my best to comfort, love, and be there, and pray for her and the family. quietly sitting with her, reading or watching a movie, making a special nutritional drink/smoothie, whatever she could tolerate... sometimes a cold cloth for the back of her neck... sometimes just letting her rest with her thoughts and prayers while i cooked pudding in the kitchen. the things you can do will come to you, to help Rico and you through this time. you are in my prayers. jj/sheila
Thanks for sharing Bill. In my own life I found that prayer worked miracles. God always answers prayer. When the answer was no, I used get upset, but as I grew in AA I have realised that God knew in advance what He would do with that particular situation. My function was to pray according to step 11.
One thing I have learned about God is that He will not put me beyond my endurance.
My heart goes out to you My Friend. Rico has two great things on his side; his attitude and your friendship. Oh yeah, and a cool name. I pray for your serenity and acceptance. I pray for Rico's health.
Guys, I thank you for your thoughts and your prayers. I am minded of Toni at this time, I spent many gigabytes on e mails between us, now I remember some of the things she taught me and they are helping me deal with this powerlessness. Acceptance first! Then as much as I want to rush to Rico's side (his real name is Richard, but some of us call him Rico) I remember that I can only be there WHEN HE WANTS ME TO BE. He knows where I am, I contact him and ask is this a good time or shall I call back. I ask can I come and see you?
Rico was rushed back to hospital last night, he's had a severe reaction to the last round of chemo, can't speak, can't swallow. They're keeping him in for 7 weeks of combined chemo and radiation, they've offered him weekend leave, but he's prepared to stay there.
I spoke with his sponsor tonight. We're going to offer to take a meeting to him if he wants it and we'll offer to take Christmas to him too. I'm a bit angry though. after 20 years he's got a relationship going wiht his daughter, he's a new grandad and now this. Just seems so damn unfair, but having written that I can see that I'm assuming that I know what his God's will is for him. Well that's obviously bollocks, isn't it. Who knows what's going to transpire? Mebbe this will all work out right in the end.
edit: No this WILL work out right in the end, I just have to fit myself to that right.
-- Edited by bikerbill on Monday 5th of December 2011 04:28:08 AM
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
