How about...."You see that sign up there that says 'Think, Think, Think'?" That does not pertain to you...."
or ah...
"you sit down and say nothing for thirty days....You have nothing that these people need to hear...."
My sponsor didn't say these things to me...I've just heard people share that their sponsors did. I did listen for thirty days and I think that is good advice. My sponsor liked me...I did the work. We get along fine and he told me...You can stop calling me every night now. One time he did ask me if I had a list of phone numbers and I said yes.....He said...Call every one on it today...I had about 15 numbers and I did it. Just said I'm new in the program and my sponser told me to do this...Most of these guys are friends of mine now....And it's all just part of learning and using a phone...It could save your life.
My sponsor has worked with a fair amount of people, as she is a very active member and has thirty-seven years. She stresses that sponsorship with each person is individual. There's no formula.
So for me her suggestions were similar to those you've listed but not the same.
For me, minium of 3 meetings per week and one needs to be a book study.
Service, at the meetings and beyond. I joined a committee that puts on an annual AA event. I'm asked to remember to clean up around the club, go there and vaccuum or scrub toilets if I feel crappy.
She said she watched me listening and learning to everything said in the beginning. Where to others she might suggest the standard, "take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth", because I had such trouble speaking up, she recommended I try to share at least once per week in the meeting I felt most comfortable. After about six months she kept mentioning getting a "home" group.
There's tons more, right now I'm thinking of the suggestions I had a hard time with, like a daily affirmation regarding self-esteem. Another I dragged my feet on: going to the library and getting a book on assertiveness.
Daily contact. That continued after my slip. So for the first year. Then daily messaging the second year after the slip. Now we still have regular contact which I can't remember if it is to be daily-(thanks, better check on that again). We've always done daily e-mail, with weekly or every other weekly phone calls, and monthly step/traditions visits. I love the e-mail. I like to write at night before bed, kinda a mini step 10 practice and I work at night, so I write and come to MIP to settle down usually. My sponsor is an early bird, so she replies and there's a message of hope everyday when I get up!
I have one more year than my current sponsor so I'm typically telling him what to do. lol Steve your list looks like a good one. Getting to meetings every day was crucial for me. I don't think that I missed one in the first 3.5 years. If I did, I went to 2 the following or previous day. What I also view as essential to my program, in the first couple years was to attend 2 weekly 12 & 12 step meetings (I'm in the "sicker than others" column) a speakers meeting, a men's meeting, an 11th step meeting, a beginners meeting, and one discussion meeting (listed last as it was least important). I gotta say that I got a lot more out of the 12 & 12 than I did the big book. Don't get me wrong, it's required reading, I'm just not amongst the "first 164 pages" clan. lol
Too much God in there for you?? The Big Book is How it's done...12 & 12 is why it's done. I think he had to simplify it for some people. He wated till Dr. Bob died to publish it...Dr. Bob didn't like it. I'm not crazy about it either.
Simple is good, I like NA's "It works; how & why." I'm an alkie...I complicate things. I like simple. Best thing a sponsor ever tolf me was "Humility isn't thinking less of your self, it's thinking of yourself less."
I've had three sponsors. The first two didn't fit, but my current one is awesome. Laid back, serene and has an intact family. I want to follow his path.
My sponsor is awesome. I still did not have a sponsor after 3 years, I truely believe my HP said oh for heavens sake and planted Rita squarely in my path. Having lived , by choice, mostly in isolation for the last 15 years of my drinking I had an extremely hard time opening up to anyone. Prior to meeting her I had managed to make up 7 months of sobriety just from meetings and readings and a sincere desire to change. Something was missing and when confronted when enough stress I reverted to alcohol for the oblivion it always gave me. My descent was fast and hard. My sponsor was placed in my path a month after I made more hard and concrete changes. She never demands although she does suggest rather often. She never bullshits or pussyfoots around a hard truth but she lets me talk long enough about something that I see myself the problem is me, or how I am viewing it. She must be the only person in the world that when she says ``Im gonna smack you!`` it feels comforting lol She has never insisted I call her daily but somehow that is what happens. She insists that we are meant to be happy joyous and free. Laughter is frequent when chatting with her on the phone or in her company for a meeting or a coffee. She has some well strong suggestions on service work so I tend to follow thru on that. She was nudging me towards step 4 but is now suggesting that I take a hard look at the first 3 steps. When after a sudden death in my family I chose yet again to drink, she allowed me my space. When I showed up on her doorstep there was no hesitation in her hug and after a long look at me she said `` Put the whip away or you are going to drink again`` There was no more mention of what had happened or why, simply that she was there to go with me to the meeting. She said it with all the sincerity that implied she knew that was what I wanted. I might add that I wanted to go to a meeting about as much as I wanted to go for a root canal !! I looked and felt about as down out as you can possibly get, however it never even occurred to me to say that. In her wisdom she must have known that if I didn`t get back to my meetings and put the shame squarely behind me I might never go back. Her home and walls are full of AA slogans and literature. I don`t know how I was blessed with her as a sponsor but I do know most nights she is in my gratitudes
when i first got in the rooms i wasnt sure if i was an alki i was in denial she said to me, why not try it for 3 months an see what i think at the end of that, what have i got to lose that if i wasnt an alki that 3 mnths without drink woulnt be a problem so why not try it. i did try it, relapse once during that time and since then not had a drink one day at a time. 90 in 90 do service at meetings
The best thing my current sponsor does is give me written exercises to do for each step each week. Then the next week, we go over them. Having "homework" to do keeps me thinking about the step throughout the week, and forcing myself to write things out makes me give more in-depth thought to what I'm supposed to be learning.
BTW, if your sponsor doesn't like to give written exercises but you think you might benefit from them, you can look on Amazon for "12-step workbooks." There are a bunch. I personally have done "A Woman's Way Through the 12 Steps," which I liked.
Wow! It's funny isn't it, what sponsors suggest. The best suggestion my sponsor EVER made to me. Was.......................... If u don't have a god in your life, you better get one! It's the only thing that's gonna save your sorry ass!! And I can help you to find one by working through this book. It's an instruction manual, it's called THE BIG BOOK and if you DO what it says to DO then you can NOT fail. Are u willing to go to any lengths? Good, let's begin!!
My sponsor let me make mistakes. She suggested very little. The book suggested lots. She helped me find my wings....then she let me fly
