Some of you were pretty concerned after my last relapse and I wanted to thank you for your open-hearted love. Only recovering alkies & addicts can love each other the way we do, and understand without condemnation.
It's so true...We Don't Shoot Our Wounded.
The suicidal feelings/plan/ideation are gone. With a truly moving and heartfelt Step 3 came the reality that were I to take my own life...I would be committing the worst act of arrogance against my Creator's will possible. There is no humility in self-termination. Ya'll are stuck with me for a while yet.
Family situation is good. My new job as stay-at-home Dad suits me well. I get to fewer meetings, but I also don't seem to need as many in this new reality. Humility is my #1 job skill. 19-month old toddlers don't care what you think you know; they're only interested in what you can do. The only thing I have to "sell" her is naptime...and I know the "buying signals."
Interesting how many people keep asking me "So, what are you going to do when it's time for your real life again?"
I'm staying sober, raising children and managing a household. That's as real as I need it to be. Astronaut, secret agent have been aged-out and mad scientist takes a huge capital investment. If I can't be one of those three things...Dad works just fine.
Hey Rob. I'm new to AA and this site. I don't know anything about you. But I can honestly say I am glad you are back. The same way I am glad to see people in my homegroup I don't know that have relapsed and come back. Just seeing through that look of anguish a glimpse of hope that they hang onto. I always talk to these people and ask them "Why?". And I get a lot of different answers. Stopped going to meetings...couldn't get honest with themselves...Never did the steps...Stopped praying. I think addressing my fears in my fourth step....The fear of relapse was one that I really wanted to hang onto....Like a fear of standing on the edge of a cliff or putting my hand on a hot stove. I can tell by the answer that you left on a thread I made about forgiving ourselves that you understand what this program is about. And I'm glad that your suicidal plans are gone as I also view that as slapping God in the face. Even though in the latter days of my drinking career I knew I was killing myself. Maybe you can help this newcomer out....What part of the path weren't you following? Maybe you can help me. I'm glad you are back. I'll throw in a prayer for you....I don't think that ever hurts. Take care of yourself.
Peace and blessings Rob.its not the relapse thats the shame ,the shame is "not" making it back.I see you and am truly glad..Just For Today, you need not pick up....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Nice to have you back with us Rob! You mention your #1 job skill is humility. I see that and gratitude in your post. Keep up the good work. My Sponsor reminds me that self termination is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I was once told that it isn't how many times a person fails that we should measure their integriety by, but how many times they get back up, wipe off the dust and try again...
I'm very glad to see you found your way back to us.. and can share your experience, strength and hope with another who might be struggling in their journey of recovery.. from a place of personal experience.
