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Andrew99


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Just Got Here
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Hi Everyone,
I'm Andrew and I'm an alcoholic. I started drinking at age 15 and quit around age 25 when I became a Christian. After several years, my addictive tendencies surfaced in other areas of my life. I started drinking again at age 36 or so after some rocky times in my marriage. Fast forward to age 45 now and I'm been drinking again, almost daily for the last few years. Over that time I've also been taking prescription pain meds (1-2/day) with 3 full glasses of red wine.
I have stopped drinking for up to 3 weeks a few times over the last 5 years, but always returned. I'm tired of feeling this way, tired of arguments with my wife (she also drinks daily). I'm tired of waking up loathing the day. I'm tired of being a terrible example to my children. I am 2 days sober and feeling pretty low about myself right now. Can't believe the stupid things I've done while drinking. I've never been to AA meetings, but have been in counseling several times - mostly for marital problems.
Thank you for reading and sorry if I'm posting in the wrong spot.
Andrew



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Toad


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Hi Andrew,
Welcome !!
You are at the right spot.
Folks use MIP to help stop drinking and to stay stopped.
I was told early on " When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then you will do something about it"
That was at an A. A. meeting. Kind of rough, but I was ready.
Best Wishes,
Wayne

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Andrew99


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I'm thinking about attending an online meeting (http://www.12stepforums.net/schedule.html) Does anyone have experience with the online meetings?
Thank you,
Andrew

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Pythonpappy


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Welcome Andrew, ...

You're on an on-line meeting right now ... and what's great, it's 24/7 ... You're story is the same as mine ... for years I could only manage up to 2 to 3 weeks sober, by myself ... Finally I knew I must quit or die ... I didn't want to go to AA back then, but eventually, after trying so many ways to stay sober, I came back to give AA and its program another shot ... Long story, but today, I want to go to AA and I want to work the steps, it has become my desire and I have been granted a wonderful life now (instead of waking up 'loathing the day' as you put it) ... AA is something I felt I HAD to do at first, now it's something I WANT to do .... It's a 'way of life' for me and it's great ... TryIt


Take Care and Keep coming back,
Pappy



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Stepchild


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Hey Andrew...Like Pappy said, this is an AA meeting. Some real good sobriety here. Ask any questions you want and these guys and gals are a great help. I'm new here myself but they make you feel right at home. As far as online meetings go...They are only as good as the speed of the guy typing. I prefer live meetings as they are a nice way to meet people and get a wider range of knowledge...Little advice...Get there early and stay after...Best way to ask questions and show you are interested. I recommend just listening at the start...Introduce yourself and then open your ears and mind. You are in the right spot...Best of luck to you!

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gonee


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Welcome!


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Andrew99


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Thanks for the warm welcome from all. I have a couple questions.
1. How do you deal with the all the guilt from the long list of bad choices made while drinking?
2. How long does it take to get used to life w/o alchohol?
Thanks,
Andrew

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pinkchip


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Hi Andrew, Someone will hopefully post a link to the big book. You can easily obtain one at a face to face meeting. That will spell out most of the anwswer. BUT - AA is something that needs to be worked with other people and on a spiritual level. Online meetings and this board are awesome ways to compliment face to face meetings and working with a sponsor, but they don't replace those things.

How do you live with the guilt from bad choices made while drinking? That is what the steps are for. Furthermore, the typical answer for that is going to be "We do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." In other words, it took every gulp and every bad choice for me to get to that point of suffering and desperation so I could change. I don't regret the past, but I am different now and I live differently. I have tried to make ammends when possible. I also can't fault myself for not knowing certain things at certain times. Kind of like you can't fault a child for not knowing things... I just didn't know any better and I didn't know how bad alcohol was crippling me until it was almost too late.

How long does it take to get used to a life without alcohol? Here's the thing about that - There is a principle of psychology in which when you take something away, you have to replace it with an alternative or competing behavior. It took very little time for me to get used to "No Alcohol." I took pretty drastic measures though which included leaving my partner who was a daily drinker and going to 7 face to face meetings a week for about a year and a half. I got a sponsor early on (by day 6) and started working the steps. Ideally i still go to 3 meetings a week at 3 years sober. Getting used to No alcohol is not a problem. Getting used to life, accepting it, and dealing with it as it is....that is an ongoing process for which I still benefit from AA.

Like others here, I credit AA for the life I have today. It did not take away from my busy schedule. There was and is ZERO shame in going for help. I have a much better life for all the work in recovery I have done and none of it would have happened it I didn't go to that first meeting. So---It's not like I lost much by giving up alcohol. I gained everything.

There are many many many folks that come to this board making proclamations about how much they need to and want to stop drinking. Most of them fail because they are not willing to do what we did to get sober. It was work...it hasn't always been easy. Things got much better at around 6 months or so. The minute you start thinking "I am not that bad. I don't need to go to meetings. Those people are way worse than me...I don't need a sponsor..." that is when you will be starting to relapse. That will happen until you are socked in the face that you are no better and may by then be worse than "the people in those meetings."

So, I am really applauding you for having the awakening you did in coming here. If you want sobriety bad enough, it will be yours. It is the best gift you could give yourself but you do need to go to face to face meetings daily for at least 90 days, get a sponsor, and start working on the steps. By the end of those 90 days, you will have a much clearer picture of sobriety and of AA. Amongst many cheezy AA sayings (lol) one is that, if you think AA is not for you after those 90 days - We will gladly refund your misery. I pray that you seek out as much help as AA has to offer you. It is an enormous and wonderful group and it is comprised of people I know I never would have met otherwise. I would have just kept getting drunk and having the same problems again and again and again...

Mark

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SoberSteve


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Welcome to the Fam Andrew, glad you are here! This place is a miracle in itself.

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turninggrey


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Big Book, comin right up..........................
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Hey Andrew, when you read the stories section, you will find all of us represented.  It is amazing how similar those of us who have the disease of alcoholism are.



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Esteban


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Sounds like you've gotten some excellent advice from member with more AA experience than I have, so I'll just say, welcome :)

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Jerry F


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Aloha Andrew and welcome to the board also.  So now the suggestion is to do the thing you haven't done...attend face to face AA meetings in your area.  The hotline number to the central office in your area is in the white pages of your local telephone book and since AA is all around this planet you should soon find out when and where we meet in your town.  Come with an open mind.  Come early there will be a seat for you and introduce yourself to some of the people in the room.  Telling them "I'm new" or "This is my first AA meeting" will be something we all have said ourselves so buck up and come in. 

As you have said what you have tried hasn't worked and the outcome has been worse so much that "you're tired of waking up in loathing every day".  Okay this is the day it ends cause you want it to.  Give up what you've been trying to do because "doing the same things over and over again expecting different results" is one of our definitions of insanity. 

We're here for you here and we will be there for you there.  Just come on in.   ((((hugs))))...see you soon.   smile



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John


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Stepping over the threshold into a meeting in your community is the very best thing you can do for yourself at this time.  If you are alcoholic, you already know its not going to play any games with you, and therefore you should try to play any with it either.  Get yourself to a meeting as soon as possible and keep going to them.  Before long you will see and understand why everyone is encouraging you to do this.  

Keep coming back here and giving us a progress report, but go to a real meeting... it will help you a great deal right now.

John



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Pythonpappy


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Hey Andrew, ...

Looks like you've gotten some very good feedback ... After I posted my comments to you this morning, I went about my work in the back yard and kept thinking of your post ... and I realized that I failed to stress the importance of real live meetings ... it's one thing to have the availability and ease to use the internet, but that doesn't take the place of real human face-to-face contact ... the computer doesn't allow me to reach out and give you a hug, HeeHee ... (which I would do by the way, if we were f to f)

Sometimes you can sense the passion of others here by their words, but still you need the experience of seeing and believing with your own eyes ... that means 'go-to-a-meeting' regularly ...

You asked about 'all the guilt' and about 'how long to get used to life w/o alcohol'? ... That will actually depend on you ... Pinkchip made a very good post on this ... The guilt part was difficult for me ... but as Pinkchip said, that's all dealt with when we work the steps ... and it took me only a few months of daily live meetings to suddenly realize that I hadn't obsessed over taking a drink in a while ... again, that depends on you and your sincerity and committment in working the program ... I got used to living w/o alcohol pretty fast, what took a lot longer was getting rid of my 'thoughts' of alcohol ... today the only time I think of alcohol is when I'm sharing all the reasons I love being out from under its control ... Alcohol did, in fact, make me a slave ... and now I'm free ...


Take Care and God Bless,
Pappy



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Rob84


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Welcome Andrew,

This forum is great, but hope you make it to some actual meetings.

Life gets gets better, and you will never need to drink again if you embark on the the AA program and this way of life.

Take Care,

Rob


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Andrew99


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Rob, Pappy, John, Jerry F, Esteban, TG, Steve, Pinkchip, Gonee, StepChild, Toad,

Thank you so much for all of your responses and for posting the link to the Big Book. I read chapter 1 and part of 2 last night.

I looked up and printed the schedules to some area F to F meetings. There is an open Beginner's Information meeting tomorrow. Is that worthwhile for a newbie like me? When it says that a meeting is closed, I understand that means no family or friends of the Alcoholic. But, could someone like me attend? Also, may of the groups have different names like Alano, Ryan, Averill ... same format or different?

I may end up in a Griefshare or Divorcecare class soon as well. After my last intoxicated incident, my only wife of 21 years may leave me again (7th or 8th time). We just got back together 4 months ago and have been on/off for the least 3 years. I told her that I'm looking into AA and she said that many of my problems have nothing to do with drinking. I know she is hurt by my behavior and my kids are mad at me as well. I came into the office to do some work this morning and get the schedules for the AA meetings. The other reason was to hide in a safer place than home. It sucks being "the problem". We are having family over (my parents and teen kid's gf/bf's) for late Thaksgiving dinner. Not sure why I'm typing all this. There are 2 sides to every marriage issue.

In the past when she left, I drank regularly from 5 PM to 11:00 PM every work night and more on the weekends.

Andrew



-- Edited by Andrew99 on Sunday 27th of November 2011 10:04:55 AM

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Stepchild


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I looked up and printed the schedules to some area F to F meetings.

Good job. You won't regret it!

There is an open Beginner's Information meeting tomorrow. Is that worthwhile for a newbie like me?

Sounds like that would be right up your alley 

When it says that a meeting is closed, I understand that means no family or friends of the Alcoholic. But, could someone like me attend? Also, may of the groups have different names like Alano, Ryan, Averill ... same format or different?


I would highy recommend that you attend. Not real sure I understand the name part? Your schedule should have a key for what the meetings are about. OD open discussion BB Big Book etc.

I told her that I'm looking into AA and she said that many of my problems have nothing to do with drinking.


She's right. You read that book and take those steps and you will find that out.



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Andrew99


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Still reading the Book and I see 3 different types of drinkers: 1) Moderate drinker - able to pass on a drink at any time. 2) Hard drinker - Habitual drinker with ability to stop given a significant life event. 3) Real alcoholic - unable to pass on a drink or remember previous consequences of drinking.

Does one's drinking progress from 1 to 3 if not stopped? Is there a pre-existing tendency toward being an alcoholic? I suppose some move from 1 to 3 quickly, while others take decades. The result is the same though.

Andrew

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Stepchild


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Some people can drink normally their whole lives. I knew I was a full blown alkie at age 14. I drank for effect my whole life. I didn't drink because I liked the taste. I drank because I liked to get drunk. You're either blessed with it or not. I say blessed because it got me into this program. I just took the long way around to get here.

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Pythonpappy


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Hey Andrew, ...

For an alcoholic, drinking is a 'fatal progression', it will most definitely lead us to the gates of insanity and death ... If you can drink one or two drinks a couple of times a week and not start craving it, then you may be a 'quote' normal drinker ... and yes, some of us can be heavy drinkers for a while, even doing our jobs without too much impact, but then it, almost imperceptably, gets to the point we cannot consider a life with out it, it dominates our thinking and becomes the number one priority in life ... Don't waste time trying to figure out whether you've been predestined to become an alcoholic or not, just ask yourself ... Today, do I have a problem with alcohol? ... If you do, or think you may have, then start going to meetings and listening the those who share ... if you can identify with these people with your own past, then you're where you belong ...


Take Care and God Bless,
Pappy



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Jerry F


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Andrew let us hear what your first face to face worked on you.  Closed meetings are for those that identify as "Alcoholic" they are not for the person who is just researching.  Before I concluded that I was really alcoholic I had attempted to sit in on several "closed" meetings and was always asked to leave.   As far as "other issues" are concerned and for me, it worked best when I took care of the alcoholism issue first because alcohol affected every nook and cranny of my life; mind, body, spirit and emotions. Once I start drinking all of me is drinking there isn't a part left out. 

It seems to me that you are convinced about alcoholism and being alcoholic.  Lets work on that issue first and turn the others over to a Power greater than Andrew.

(((hugs))) smile



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pinkchip


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If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you are welcome at a closed meeting. I think you are pretty clear that you do have a problem and are a bit beyond researching. You should be welcome at a closed meeting.

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thereishope100211


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Hi Andrew, welcome!! I'm glad you are here. I have been Sober for 56 days and a part of this board for a few weeks. I don't post much, but it is a great place to find hope and encouragement. Again, welcome!! Glad you are here.

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Andrew99


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Jerry F wrote:

Andrew let us hear what your first face to face worked on you.  Closed meetings are for those that identify as "Alcoholic" they are not for the person who is just researching.  Before I concluded that I was really alcoholic I had attempted to sit in on several "closed" meetings and was always asked to leave.  

What I know right now is that I want to stop drinking. It's become a huge problem in my life and I've wasted so much time and caused so much hurt already. Am I an alcoholic? I really don't know. There is a meeting at Noon today at a Church near where I work. It says "12 Steps Group" and is a closed meeting. Should I just show up or call first? I'd hate to be asked to leave.

Thanks,

Andrew



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Stepchild


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Nobody is going to ask you to leave...Just say you have a desire to stop drinking. Simple as that. Enjoy it.

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Andrew99


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thereishope100211 wrote:

Hi Andrew, welcome!! I'm glad you are here. I have been Sober for 56 days and a part of this board for a few weeks. I don't post much, but it is a great place to find hope and encouragement. Again, welcome!! Glad you are here.

Thank you and may God bless your desire to stay sober.
Andrew 



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Andrew99


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Pythonpappy wrote:

Hey Andrew, ...

For an alcoholic, drinking is a 'fatal progression', it will most definitely lead us to the gates of insanity and death ... If you can drink one or two drinks a couple of times a week and not start craving it, then you may be a 'quote' normal drinker ... and yes, some of us can be heavy drinkers for a while, even doing our jobs without too much impact, but then it, almost imperceptably, gets to the point we cannot consider a life with out it, it dominates our thinking and becomes the number one priority in life ... Don't waste time trying to figure out whether you've been predestined to become an alcoholic or not, just ask yourself ... Today, do I have a problem with alcohol? ... If you do, or think you may have, then start going to meetings and listening the those who share ... if you can identify with these people with your own past, then you're where you belong ...


Take Care and God Bless,
Pappy

Thank you Pappy ... May God bless you as well.
Andrew 



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Andrew99


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Just got back from first Face to Face meeting. It was very helpful and I will continue to attend. Thank you all for your encouragement in taking this step. I teared up several times through the meeting.
My life problem is that I'm a sprinter and not a distance runner. I start really fast for a while and then tend to taper off when things calm down.
Andrew

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Stepchild


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Andrew99 wrote:

My life problem is that I'm a sprinter and not a distance runner. I start really fast for a while and then tend to taper off when things calm down.
Andrew

 It's all about changing everything Andrew. Good job friend!



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Andrew99


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Hi All,
- 5 Days Sober
- Attended 1st face to face meeting
- Bought and continue reading Big Book

I pray that God will give me the strength and the desire to continue.
Andrew



-- Edited by Andrew99 on Tuesday 29th of November 2011 08:50:18 AM

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Stepchild


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You'r on the right track Andrew. If you go to that yellow box at the top of the page and click on Step Work Board we are actually starting on step one. I'd also read the Doctor's Opinion and Chapters one through three. That will give you a pretty good idea if you are an alcoholic or not...And why. Good job man.

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Pythonpappy


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Hey Andrew, ...

Way to go man, ... 5 days probably seems like an eternity, huh? ... Great job ... it just keeps getting better and easier ... be sure and try to re-read pg, 21 and 24 in the BB today ... and keep going to f-to-f meetings and start looking for a sponsor who can help guide you through the steps ...

You are embarking on a fantastic new journey in your life ... so happy sailing! ...


Take Care and God Bless,
Pappy



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