It's now 1:40 am on the 19th of the 11th, 2011 where I am.
12 months ago - almost to the minute - I was stumbling into bed with a bellyful of beer and wine. I had to get up at 6am because I had an appointment to go into a rehab.
That was the last drink I had.
What a wonderful, life-changing, exciting, exhilarating, scary, powerful, eye-opening and absolutely priceless ride it has been.
I've had times when I had to hang onto the floor because I couldn't get up, and others because I thought I'd float off. I've discovered a new me inside and see the world in whole different light. I've hated the old me and then forgiven him. I've made mistakes and broken rules. I've lost faith and found it again. I've surrendered to my Higher Power, panicked and tried to take it back, and surrendered. I've known despair and I've known serenity.
But through it all I didn't drink one day at a time, and AA has been with me with the steps and the all wonderful people that make it such an amazing experience.
I love each and every one of you. You are me and I am you. You've walked in my shoes. You don't judge me for what I've done. You help me with what I need to do. You've never lied to me and you have shown me how I can be a better person with a better life I never could have dreamed of.
The year is a nice milestone but what is more important is that I didn't drink today and for that I am thankful. I will soon go to bed with a clear head and when I wake up I will be grateful to know that if I follow the AA suggestions I will not have to drink then either.
WOOT WOOT! Go Frodo Go Frodo! That 1 year mark was so momentous for me. I just got vicarious shivers (in a good way) reading your post. Congrats and keep up the great recovery work (one day at a time!)
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Congrats to you on, God willing, the first of many sober birthdays to remember. I am just over six months in and can so relate to some of the feelings you share here. Thank you and all the best. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
What a wonderful, life-changing, exciting, exhilarating, scary, powerful, eye-opening and absolutely priceless ride it has been.
I've had times when I had to hang onto the floor because I couldn't get up, and others because I thought I'd float off. I've discovered a new me inside and see the world in whole different light. I've hated the old me and then forgiven him. I've made mistakes and broken rules. I've lost faith and found it again. I've surrendered to my Higher Power, panicked and tried to take it back, and surrendered. I've known despair and I've known serenity.
Written like a man who has truly take the steps! Happy birthday Frodo.
Your description of your first year??? .... How did you get that out of my personal files???? .... That was supposed to be kept private!! ... Just kidding of course, but your experiences this first year mirror mine exactly ... Way to hang in there ... take your 'spiritual' tool kit wherever you go ....
Love Ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks all. It's nice to wake up and not be hung over.
I remember walking in to the rehab last year thinking my life was over. I'd lost everything and I was utterly broken. I had this image in my head of my soul being like a mirror and I'd dropped it on the floor, smashing it to pieces. I couldn't put that, or anything else, back together, I thought.
I couldn't have been more wrong. My life was just beginning and my soul was a lot tougher than I gave it credit for. It wasn't broken. It was just very wet and needed a good drying out.
The wonder of all this is the simplicity of the program. If I try to live my life according to the steps and attend meetings I know real happiness and calm, and when I get too busy, or too wilful and skip meetings or put my wishes before the plan laid out for me things don't seem to work properly and I just don't feel right inside. Take a breath and make the program number one in my life and things start to work well for me again. Simple, yes, but not easy. I still try doing things the old way occasionally but sooner or later I'll rid myself of that because it's just not the best way. But I'll get there because something else has faith in me even in the times where mine wavers.
And the promises. Wow. All of them have come true. I can put a tick next to every one and I know that it's just the beginning. They'll get even better. I know that. I've only started to scratch the surface of the man I am going to be.
The forth one - "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others" - is the most wonderful. Recently I've had a couple of people ask for help because they want what I have. Me. That useless, selfish drunk that they used to know whose only talent was finding new and better ways of screwing up his life and disappointing those that loved him. To hear people say that they think I have something that can be of use to them is an incredibly humbling thing. And I want them to have it. I want everyone to have it.
I can honestly say that I feel like a man for the first time. I no longer feel like a selfish, scared little boy, but a quietly confident man with a purpose.
It is a marvellous thing this program. It gives you more than you ever dreamed of and all it asks in return is that you get rid of things you didn't want to keep anyway.
Thirty one million seconds, huh? It sounds great put like that. I'm going to stop counting now. The first trip around the sun was important to me but now the days can become weeks into years without me marking them off. Just today will be the sober day that matters.
Thanks for listening and being a part of my journey and thanks for letting me be a part of yours.
Oh man ... what a gracious way of summing up your first year ... I'll only mention this to you, but you had me tearing up there a little bit ... But you must know they were tears of joy in knowing that others are finding new life as I did through this program ... and once again you spoke the words from my heart too, upon my first year sober ... thank you so much ...
Love Ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
"I remember walking in to the rehab last year thinking my life was over. I'd lost everything and I was utterly broken. I had this image in my head of my soul being like a mirror and I'd dropped it on the floor, smashing it to pieces. I couldn't put that, or anything else, back together, I thought."
Honestly descriptive Frodo and I pray you desire to keep that door open and agree to share this story with every newbie you come across and is who is able to listen. I relate to your followup sentence, "My life was just beginning and my soul was a lot tougher than I gave it credit for. It wasn't broken." That is what I came to understand as I was suicidal from the prolonged existence inside of alcoholism and the program taught me I didn't have to end my life; only how I was living it. A successful suicide.
I pray for your tomorrows as you continue like the rest of us to stand firm against the next drink. Thanks much for sharing your journey with us. ((((hugs))))
