I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Welcome back Sean! Begin with walking through the fear to nearest meeting and raise your hand when the chairperson asks about "new comers or anyone coming back from doing some research". Get some numbers, temp sponsor and get busy. Sitting at home in the 1 person pity party isn't going to change anything.
Welcome to M.I.P.!!! I know where you are, because I experienced the same thing. I drank again after nearly 18 years, and like you, drank for two years, ashamed to come back to A.A. Then, the spiritual pain of continuing to drink while knowing the solution became greater than the fear of embarassment and shame in returning to A.A.
I've shared my experience, now here's some strength and hope: When I summoned the strength and courage to return to A.A. over 5 years ago, I was met not with judgment, but with love and support. It wasn't easy, but I did the things Dean suggested above: I took a newcomer chip, immediately got a sponsor, regularly attended meetings, and started back in the 12 steps, beginning at Step One. Slowly, I came "back to life." And, over time I have begun to realize that God has a special plan for my life and my sobriety, as I have been able to reach out with a whole new level of empathy and compassion for others who have returned to A.A. having relapsed after a substantial time sober. I also came to understand the concept of "a day at a time" in a way I never knew before.
If you return to an A.A. meeting, and get back to doing the things you were doing before in A.A., I promise you that it will get better, one day at a time. You will find your purpose again; and you will find peace and serenity. You will also eventually come to know that the 16 years of sober experience you have remain worthwhile.
Please make the effort to get to a meeting today. And, please keep posting here, and let us know how you are doing. We are all here to help, and you are needed here too.
Hey sd1, The best way to conquer fear is to face it head on. Look it straight in the face by taking action, and that action is a meeting. Then follow the simple steps. You can regain the sobriety. Tom
__________________
"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Welcome back Sean, ... Been there, done that ... Do you really WANT to be rid of the depression, guilt, shame, embarassment, being sick, wasting a 'fortune', etc.?
If so, then you came to the right place ... You know the solution is here and just waiting for you to, become and remain, 'willing' to go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps ... It really is a simple program ... and the rewards for getting and staying sober are too numerous to list ...
Decision time my friend ... Are you going to go 'your-way-of-life' or are you going to go 'our-way-of-life'? ... "Do or Do Not ... There is No Try" -Yoda
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
