My boyfriend of 14 months gave me a 3 year medallion with a very thoughtful card. I never expected that from him. He went to intergroup to get one of those fancy medallions. Very sweet. He seems to view my recovery as something to admire. I would not have been ready for a relationship like this at year 1. I had to build my own program and now I'm able to have this. I don't bring nearly as much needy BS into this relationship as my past ones. In return, I get so much back. I used to think "what use is a relationship if you don't need the other person?" Now I believe when both parties are higher functioning, you can celebrate each other and are more free to just enjoy each other. Feels like part of the promises coming true.
I'm tying this for those who might be newer and the relationships are in turmoil. It gets better as you work on yourself...Though I know I'm not at an end point and the work always continues.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks for sharing Mark....,2 years ago my younger brother(62)asked me to be best man at his wedding(his partner and now husband Mark)I watched him for many years struggle though his marriage to my sister in law and also with his own son ,who has since released his resentments and has renewed their relationship.I also watch the love that they share and have seen my brothers "program"(no he is a normie in that sense no addiction per se)) a program of life in general, blossom as his ability to "share"full responsibility in their relationship(marriage)I truly believe when we strive toward our ultimate primary purpose, being of maximum service to the God of our understanding and others we can find that joy in our lives that we may have supressed for oh so long...............More is always revealed....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thanks Mark, you reminded me of my sponsor and his partner Lyndsay. I never appreciated it at the time but as David gave up so much of his time to help me, Lyndsay was giving up his time with David. They were a great couple and I often wonder where we all would have been without Lyndsay, always in the background, always supporting. I got married after about 7 years sobriety and my wife Judy was the same, always happy to see me working with alcoholics, and always welcoming them into our home. She said she was proud of me, but I was incredibly proud of her.
It's the same now with my partner Jane, she's a very spiritual person and we have great discussions about the steps and I am always delighted at her interest and understanding of the principles I am trying to live by. As an added benefit she is also a keen sailor so I am doubly blessed.
I'm happy this is so for you. It gives me hope. And it makes me a little sad as my partner is not in recovery and doesn't give a fig for it. I have no idea how he feels about mine. I can see from your post how a healthy relationship might go when a person is ready for it.
