this is not an out of body experience, it just feels like it. i feel and see myself slipping away from my program and can't seem to stop myself. my sponsors life got way too busy, so we agreed i should find someone else( about 6 weeks ago!!) so i don't have an active relationship with a sponsor, have not been attending meetings, even missing my homegroup meetings. have been doing alot less service work. but i am still actively working with newcomers. i feel like i am walking out of the sunlight of the spirit. it is showing in everything i do. i say i'm going to get back into meetings, develope a relationship with a new sponsor, step back into my service shoes.......and then nothing. i am stuck. today i thought about actually asking some people to pick me up for some meetings---- then maybe i would actually GO. i love a.a.. this program has taught me how to grow spiritually. i cherish the relationship i have with god today, and further more i love the person i am becoming. any experience strength and hope on this matter would be appreciated. i don't want to give away this new and beautiful life i have today.
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****** Life only happens once, this is not a rehearsal!"
Aloha V...been there a time or two also and looking up subjects to read on about apathy and procrastination and general depression helped. My counselor at the VA/AA center did some work on me regarding dysthymia...a form of depression from birth and that gave me some insight into why I zone out on the behavior...I get the "want tos" and the "Will tos" and don't reach the "Do tos" until I've suffered a while. Hate suffering...it's optional and I did it still. I don't miss a lot of meetings now...there are soooo many of them here on a weekly basis and we just founded another 24 miles out of town. I love going to newly founded meetings and helping them to get rooted and going.
Go do the things you would tell another to do who was in the same place as you are now. Make sense? (((((hugs)))))
It is so easy to think of all the grand things we could do, isn't it? i did that a lot when i was drinking. i am a hero in my own mind..... i have to do something physical, move my feet to actually get something done. Reading the 12 and 12 inspires me to "get 'er done" and actually cross things off my list of "to dos". so glad you are working with newcomers. we tell newcomers to use the phone, we need to use the phone, too. start thinking of who you would like to be your sponsor, and call them, don't just think about calling them. end of sermon. take care of your sobriety first and you will be ok.
We can all get complacent and procrastinate. It's the nature for some of us. It's like we know the answer, but we just can't seem to muster the ambition to move forward. Like, here take my advice I'm not using it.
Sounds like you have the answers, just need the willingness to put 1 foot in front of the other. What I've done in the past is pray for the willingness to get back in the saddle. Bring God back into the picture. Take small steps in a direction. Like start with going to meetings even if you don't want too. Pick up the phone and make a commitment to call 1 then 2 other Alcoholics a day. My sponsor reminds me that we need to Act our way into good thinking, not think our way into good Acting. It works!
I love the freedom AA has given me as I stated in another post, but I can't venture too far from home or too long :) It feels good and right to be there.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks for the topic. I too, felt awkward after being sober for about 5 years and had this sense of urgency for about 2 years in change after that. It felt like my life could take a turn for the worse at any moment. However, it did not. What did happen was a growth spurt that has lasted for 10+ years now, and my life has been "that much better" as a result.
What I thought was a sudden shift in momentum, actually turned out to be a "low" that challenged everything, including my resolve. Every meeting I went to and every outgoing I went on seemed drab and dreary. I had lost that "sober feeling" -so I thought, but didn't...actually.
What transpired from there was a shifting of sorts; Call it, a profound change from my old way of living to a new outlook on life. When the change was completed, my new stance on life became wonderfully apparent. And that's what I needed to experience most of all. A sudden yet undeniable change in how I approach my sober life. That, my friend, is how I interpret growth and by "AA" standards it's been worthwhile.
My "search for significance" started the day after I put down my last drink and has accompanied 10+ years now. I needed to strive for something more, a greater purpose that can bring to fruition God's plan for my life. When I did, something amazing happened. I felt renewed like the eagle and have achieved more success in sobriety than previously imagined, one day at a time. And so can you.
My suggestion, follow where your heart is leading and never stop believing that life will get better, because it will. And above all else, never give up on your dreams...ever. It does take some time and a steadfast commitment to change everything about your life. But when that begins to unfold...watch out. What will pour out from there is a blessing that only dreams are made of, guaranteed. And guess what? It can begin for you...starting today.
I hope you begin the process of the much needed "spiritual renewal" sooner than later, my friend, as you did with your life after recovery. Where that can eventually lead "BL2D" is totally up to you. Sobriety should always remain our priority regardless, and so should our dreams. Wake up and seize the moment BL2D and do so without regret; just like a dying man does with his next breath. Because when we do, life begins to take a new meaning and all things begin anew...once again.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 29th of October 2011 01:47:21 PM
