After discovering this board a couple of days ago, I decided to reach out to all the wonderful members here.
I got sober in late 2009 for a little over 8 months and as I wasn't working at the time, worked a strong program (for me). I really felt great. When I found employment and relocated, as it was a small town, I stopped attending meetings and you guessed it, went out and have been out for 1 1/2 years now. Now I'm getting ready to relocate for another job opportunity and to an even smaller town.
I'm so disappointed in myself and hate that I've become antisocial again, reclusive except for my hours at work and rush to get home to get that first drink. Quitting has been on my mind for so long, but of course I've not done anything. I vowed to quit yesterday and while out running errands, stopped and got a bottle and drank again last night.
It's been easy for me to hid this relapse as I live alone and don't have many friends. Thank you for letting me share this with you all on this Board. It's been a terrible secret for so long.
Hey Jaz1, ... Welcome to this forum ... I'm new here as well ... You just described what I did in my, not so distant, past ... same thing, just the name has changed ...
As you may know, alcoholism is fatal ... You have a decision to make and you're the only one that gets to make it ... Are you going to go our 'way-of-life' or keep on 'your-way-of-life'? ... I told my sponsor that I didn't want to do either one ... He said, I asked you what you were going to do, not what you wanted to do ...
Well, I said if you'll make it perfectly clear to everyone in the group that I don't WANT to do it, then I'll do it ...
Life on this side of the bottle is definitely greener ... You don't have to hide from anybody anymore, especially yourself ... So come on and give the AA way of life a chance to make your life fulfilling and useful ...
I have never regretted working the steps and practicing the principles in all my affairs ... this way of life has brought to me a 'peace and serenity' I never knew possible ...
Love Ya and God Bless,
Pythonppay
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thank you Pythonppay....I definitely experienced the wonders of AA and it's Fellowship. I know it works (did for this girl). I just have to get over the disappointment in myself and apply all the "tools" I used daily when life was turning around for me. I am disguested that I worked so hard and then did exactly what I knew was not good for me, stop going to meetings, stop calling my sober friends, stopped being of service. All because I was concerned that someone would find out at my new town and job.
This experience has definitely "humbled" me. I know what I need to do, and yes you're right, I don't WANT to do it. But I also don't WANT to continue down this path any longer. I just have to make a decision on how bad I want it. Not quite there yet.
When one is "caught up" in this, it's hard to do the right thing even though we know this is killing us. It just s_cks to be so dependent on ANY addiction. Food, cigs, etc, when one is so strong in other areas of their lives.
Thanks for the welcome to the Board and reaching out.
Welcome to both Jaz1 and Pythonppay. I am fairly new to sobriety, been attending meetings since Jan this year, just picked up a 4 month coin a few days ago. For me, the surrender of my will to a power greater than myself has been my biggest challange. For so long I ran on my own will and had to control everyone and everything in my life. It was not working. Even after a few months of daily meetings, I found myself thinking I could do this on my own. I proved myself wrong. But I went back, and the outstretched hand was still there, waiting for me to take it. Now I reach out to others and ask for help. I have surrendered my will to the guidance and direction of a God I still do not have a complete understanding of, and the understanding I do have is ever changing. What I have found is that since I have completely surrendered, I have been able to deal with all things in my life, good and bad, without the desire(for the most part) or the need to use alcohol. I have a sponsor who is taking me through the steps, and I have a support system of friends who understand me and love me unconditionally. Some of them may not like me too much, but they love me enough to be honest and keep me honest. I chair a meeting, and reach out my hand in support to the newcomer. I couldn't ask for more, and I am more grateful than I could ever express. I never in my life thought I would be grateful to be an alcoholic, but today, I am. I am Kelley and I am an alcoholic. Welcome and I hope you hear something here that keeps you coming back. You are worth it. Peace.
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Welcome to "MIP". I was a chronic relapser myself for many years, before I finally sobered up. It took me 25+ years to get the first step, but when I did life got better for me. And so can yours as well.
I guess what troubled me the most though, was my inability to "remain sober" for any extended period of time. I could have given up, and probably should of, but did not. The only thing that kept me going was the promise of a better life and the eternal love of my wonderful mother, Anna.
I'm definitely not the same person I was 10+ years ago, and I have God, "AA" and my support network to thank for that. Life has come full circle for me Jaz, and so can yours as well. It takes hard work and dedication to accomplish this great feat, but the pay off is certainly worth the effort...hands down.
Give "AA" another try Jaz, and never give up hope. The payoff is certainly worth the effort...for sure. Your one step away from becoming the next miracle Jaz, so keep close and stay connected. And never stop believing in yourself, ever. The promises do materialize over time, and you (JAZ) can become the next recipient of those blessings, starting today.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 29th of October 2011 02:22:59 PM
J you lived thru this one...thank God...our disease will kill us if we don't get in and stay in the rooms on the other side of the fence. The sobriety you had is still valid so apply new effort and energy to it and continue having a life. (((hugs)))
