Aloha All...haven't felt a busted ego and pride for a long while...I can handle it with my HP and support and it just feels to real without the anesthesia of alcohol to block out the reality. I can hear the disease laughing and can feel the support of my HP at the same time...weird drama.
Everyone's been hit by the economic turn down. I'm facing the door of a rant and not going in. My wife and I have used our survival skills to do what we need to do to take care of what we need to take care of and we're "rimming" it. Dicey situation which hits us on all levels causing us to "need" our programs in priority as the disease asks for more drama and maybe a face to face down from time to time. Won't do that...am just too far away from the old days where the alcohol thinned out the boundaries and smeared the value systems. Cannot and will not attempt to have her pay for stuff that is not her responsibility and that she needs support to get thru herself.
I took a menial job...oh crap my ego if flinging rocks at me for it and is wailing that I made the decision while it was out of town or at a movie but not at the meeting. Actually I left it in my truck on a hot day and locked the doors while gone. It wanted to hear the words "you're soooo over qualified" and it wanted to insert its own view of the picture with all of the great things I've done and said I've done in the past within my own business (which of course is at zero at the moment) but that's in the past and now is now and it was either do something or suffer the consequences of my pride and I never ever suffered that well. Where's the offer of 60 an hour or even 30 and hour...It is screaming at me..."This company has paid you much bigger bucks as a contractor!!" and still it isn't even near the kind of work I contacted to do then.
This is menial work at a menial wage...say yes and get on with it for today or go home and baby sit myself and dance to "poor me music" for another how long has it been.
Slogans....Yes slogans!! Take on an Attitude of Gratitude...Easy Does It...One Day At a Time (only one) Let Go and Let God...(I don't pay God what God's worth). I can hear my elder sponsors reminding me of old lessons..."Kill your ego and trash your pride", "If you think yourself too good for the task change your perception of yourself." "When you want to get a better picture of yourself...ask someone else."
Anesthetic is gone...I get to feel the whole thing...I'll survive it...I survived alcoholism up till now...needed a ton of help to do that...thousands of recovering alcoholics to help me get that past...only took me and my ego to turn it into a wasteland then. I know....go sit in a meeting and listen.
Hi Jerry, Thanks for sharing that. I have a small business myself and times are not that easy at the moment. But to read the solutions in your writing just reminds me what I need to be grateful for and what I need to be doing. Right from the start I have always felt that I should be self supporting through my own contributions, work is good for the soul. I have learned over time to think of others as you do, and like you I have learned that God's will often requires action on my part (doing what I need to do). Other things I have learned are when one door closes another one opens, and, no matter what happens, no matter what adversity comes our way, it will be alright. God will take care of us. This is not from someone who is religious, these are just proven facts for me, actual experience on my journey in sobriety. Another saying that has helped me greatly - "through adversity we grow".
Amen Jerry I can truly identify.I keep picturing myself after 34 years at the K Mart Blue Light Special isle when we leave our jobs in 10 months and head south.From managing to being managed and at probably 1/4 the rate...You know but theres a lot of projection in it for me and my Faith needs to remain strong and know that above all another free from the devasting illness that took over 25 years of my life away is in arrest a day at a time.Will I think Im overqualified??Will I say 'SEE I TOLD YOU SO HONEY,I made peace that I would not. Am I fearful?.less day by day.....I also will stay close to those just like me and give back to the best of my ability and always know that it is truly by God's grace and mercy I am even here to share about anything this day. If it is God's will,THEN I'LL BE THE BEST BLUEl LIGHT SPECIALIST YOU EVER SEEN... Hello there, my name is Mike, welcome to Kmart, I am so glad to see you.. GERRY GARCIA SAID IT WHILE AGO."WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP ITS BEEN'! Today 'WE' can talk about it,and not spend time trying to dissolve the situation..Peace my brother, Just For Today ,my mind is on my "new" associations.people who are not using and have found a new way to live,as long as I follow that way I have nothing to fear.....Thanks for help today Jerry,sometimes I am really a legend in my own mind, humility, in gratitude to my HP brings me back.,just takes time o sink in this hard head....:).
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hey Jerry F. That is a great post. Your strength helps us here. Strength? YES. Strength to press on and wait until the next opportunity knocks and knowing your HP is really running the show, and yours is to do His will. It is amazing (or really not so amazing) that you would post this the day that the company I work for is announcing very frightening "happenings" within the company! Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
