My first relapse since joining the program 97 days ago....traveling in Finland on business...been carrying some resentments, stressed out, tired and gave up my sobriety with barely a whimper. Showed up to meeting late this morning still half drunk....I don't miss this feeling....'m very disappointed in myself...will call my sponsor after work today, but should I mention to wife over the phone or wait until I return next week?
Rigorous honesty. Might as well tell her sooner if it''s important to you. One strategy for keeping alcoholism in check is telling on ourself. The most important "telling" happens when you tell BEFORE you relapse. You gotta call your sponsor and build up planned coping responses for when you are away on travel and such or else your mind will justify (or try to) a relapse.
Welcome back and certainly glad to have you here. I did not go anywhere at all until I had 7 months sober I recall. I was then made to travel for work and I was so scared to leave my regular set of meetings. While away I called my sponsor a bunch and I sought out meetings. I remember feeling like I was going crazy while alone in my hotel room. I literally found the nearest and soonest meeting and ran to it. That was at 7 months sober and hundreds of meetings in also....so just learn from this time and plan better next time. Sobriety has to stay priority number 1.
I usually find acronyms annoying but SLIP = Sobriety Losing It's Priority is definitely one that holds true here.
Hope you stick with us here at MIP and keep us updated on your recovery!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
First of all Appoholic, congrats on the 97 days and the courage to come forth with this. Welcome aboard. Yes, tell your wife because its the truth. If she has read the Big Book or has any of idea what you are going through, she will understand that sometimes a slip is "foundation builder" for sobriety. Have you made other business trips without a slip?
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
a lot of us had less than perfect results the first time around. Traveling is a slippery activity in early sobriety. One must look ahead, find the local meeting schedule and plan daily meetings. Also a call to the local AA intergroup to "check in" is a good idea. Often you can ask for someone to meet or take you to a meeting. I traveled a lot in my first year and I always did this even in foreign countries.
Aloha Appaholic...welcome to the board and back into the meeting...Understand more now...this is a life threatening disease which can only be arrested not cured...97 days of learning is still of use and you learned what to do...call your sponsor and back into the group early rather than letting negative emotions hold you out with a bottle. This is a disease not a moral issue...put away the mallet and continue on your way. Shame a guilt are motivations for an inventory for me and it seems like they are to you also. Thanks for the awareness cause I will use that. I've got a few more days than 97 and both of us only have one at this time...that is today. As for telling you wife...I worked on that with my sponsor also. I am a believer in rigorous honesty also however those last few words of the 9th step, "except when to do so would injure them or others." always tells me to use the program, my sponsorship and my Higher Power before venturing out with my faulty thinking and will and intentions. Does she understand the disease? Does she have a program for herself? (Al-Anon or other) How has your relationship been and how has your disease figured in it? Easy does it...Let go and Let God and other stuff I learned here always helps.
Keep coming back and thanks for the support. ((((hugs))))
Thanks to all who commented....it's exactly what I needed to hear. I was upset the most about being so willing to give up something so special, my life in sobriety, without a fight. If nothing else, this has reinforced to me how special my sobriety is....guess you need to lose something to realize how much it means to you....point taken Big Guy. I'm back and even more serious about my recovery....bless you all...
Welcome back. I suffered through numerous relapses myself during my drinking career and I probably would have suffered through a lot more, but didn't...thanks in part to God's grace and "AA" of course. I was spared many more nights of misery, thank God, but my troubles were far from over.
I guess what troubled me the most was how quickly I gave in to those impulses. And of course, the reasons why varied. I could have said no, but my disease thought otherwise. The endless deluge of subliminal messages became too much to bear, so...I made the decision to drink. And drink, and drink. Until that all important day when my drinking finally caught up with me. And thank God it did; because what happened from then on can only be described as a miracle, bar none. It became my spiritual awakening...for sure. So, what happened?
Well...I finally came to grips with my alcoholism-first and foremost; and with the help my family, a good support network and the ever present voice of "AA", I began to recover. And so can you...
Don't give up on yourself -not just yet, because almighty God will have the last word as he always does. The seed has been planted my friend, so be patient and wait for the miracle to happen. Trust me, it will. And when it does...watch out. What will pour out from there can only be described as miraculous, pure and simple. Remember, real sobriety can only be measured in strides not years. Call it, a leap of faith that can ultimately provide you with a real sense of worth, as you seek out the spiritual awakening all of us truly desires. And I hope that day arrives for you real soon.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 12th of October 2011 03:02:05 AM
Relapse was part of my journey to sobriety and recovery. Without it, I don't think I would've been as motivated to do the work necessary to have the Spiritual Awakening as a result of doing the work(Meetings, Sponsor, Pray, Steps, HP and Helping Others). I believe pain is the touchstone to Spiritual progress. With pain comes a willingness to change.
Dear one--hi I am Doc an alcoholic--please understand that our "normal self" is the drunk-my sponosor once told me abou HALT--hungry, angry, lonely or tried--and I did the AA dance for 2 years before I was "done" stick a fork in me kind of done!!! each of us knows when we are--some call it a bottom or sorts--I say "keep coming back" and for Gods sake don't be hard on yourself--I don't know when you posted--but I deeply understand-love Doc
Welcome to the MIP forum. Hope you are feeling better by now and have talked to your sponsor. I think you have the right mindset about soberiety and your program moving forward.
I know I might be too late, but I think you are correct in calling your sponsor, but I personally disagree with calling your wife from out of town with the news. I have been on the other end of having a drinking spouse, she probably will be nervous the whole time you are gone and then wonder if you are going to show up drunk at the airport. Just don't see anything good that comes from a out of town call, it's not all about what is going to make you feel better right now.
Just think it's better to get home sober, have a eye to eye, tell her what happened and what your plans are moving forward.
take care,
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I relapsed so many times, that you folks stopped clapping for me when I picked up my last few desire chips... today I have over 21 years of continuous sobriety because you weren't too worried about my lil' feelings and more worried about my life... you told me the truth... firmly stating that, if I didn't get honest, do something different, and stay close to the program no matter where I was or what I was doing, this disease would take as many shots at me as it could.
I don't believe I took one drink that I didn't need to get to a place of utter despair and hopelessness, and finally surrender to this way of life.
I am so glad when I see people making it back, thats all I did right in the beginning.... kept coming back... and one day the message of AA washed over me... and I conceded.
Hey buddy, I'm Bill. I too travel a lot for work - though not as much as I used to do. Strategies were in place before that first business trip at less than a week sober - have plenty phone numbers and call someone at the first twitch, stay well away from the bar, take your swimming trunks and go to the pool or the gym - heartily recommend the swimming pool, where else can you find somewhere full of half naked women and as much as you want to drink, eh? - book the meeting before the hotel, get the hotel nearer the meeting than the work site - go to the meeting, introduce yourself, get numbers - empty the in room mini bar into the black dustbin liner that you took with you, take all the alcohol down to reception and insist that you don't want it in your room - they don't need to know why and you're paying the bill so they'll be fine with that - when meeting with your colleagues, get teh first round in - you get to choose your drink and when the waitress comes by for a refill and the next guy says same again, you'll get the same soft drink you ordered first time around - meeting your buddies for a meal - meet them at the restaurant or the table, not in the bar an hour before hand, take your books, do your readings, write out the gratitude list daily, start with 10 things you are grateful for and add at least 1 new one every day, write down a list of actions to take before taking a drink, add a new one every day, tell yourself that when you've done them all, if you still want a drink, you'll have one tomorrow, then start anew tomorrow, because we only need to do this one day at a time, just for today, and when tomorrow becomes today, we start over - and finally learn how to tell tales on yourself, BEFORE you need to tell tales on yourself after the first drink.
Glad you're here, glad you had the balls to fess up.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
BTW, fell off and got run over again last night. Drinking with a vendor in Frankfurt (can't wait to get home this Thu) turned into me blacking out and wandering around seedy side of Frankfurt. Don't even remember leaving the motel as it was after midnight. Found myself in a whorehouse, then a pub purchasing drugs. Got in at 6a and was late for work. There is a hole in my soul right now. This may be one of the lowest times in my life. I need a meeting in the worst way and found and english speaking at 6p tonight. I'm in a really bad way and need some program friends. I can't believe I've tossed aside my santy/sobriety/dignity in such an irresposible manner. I want to crawl into a hole and die right now. I've flunked this plan in the worst way. I want sobriety back so bad and want my home group in the worst way. I want to come home. I'm a lost soul right now.
Sorry for the pity party and thank you for listening to my rant........today is day 1....again...
Hey buddy, I'm Bill. I too travel a lot for work - though not as much as I used to do. Strategies were in place before that first business trip at less than a week sober - have plenty phone numbers and call someone at the first twitch, stay well away from the bar, take your swimming trunks and go to the pool or the gym - heartily recommend the swimming pool, where else can you find somewhere full of half naked women and as much as you want to drink, eh? - book the meeting before the hotel, get the hotel nearer the meeting than the work site - go to the meeting, introduce yourself, get numbers - empty the in room mini bar into the black dustbin liner that you took with you, take all the alcohol down to reception and insist that you don't want it in your room - they don't need to know why and you're paying the bill so they'll be fine with that - when meeting with your colleagues, get teh first round in - you get to choose your drink and when the waitress comes by for a refill and the next guy says same again, you'll get the same soft drink you ordered first time around - meeting your buddies for a meal - meet them at the restaurant or the table, not in the bar an hour before hand, take your books, do your readings, write out the gratitude list daily, start with 10 things you are grateful for and add at least 1 new one every day, write down a list of actions to take before taking a drink, add a new one every day, tell yourself that when you've done them all, if you still want a drink, you'll have one tomorrow, then start anew tomorrow, because we only need to do this one day at a time, just for today, and when tomorrow becomes today, we start over - and finally learn how to tell tales on yourself, BEFORE you need to tell tales on yourself after the first drink.
Glad you're here, glad you had the balls to fess up.
Dude, wish I would have read this earlier....love the idea of the 1st round wih colleagues. What a great idea. And I could have used last night and this entire trip quite honestly. Thank you for the tips.
Thanks to all who commented....it's exactly what I needed to hear. I was upset the most about being so willing to give up something so special, my life in sobriety, without a fight. If nothing else, this has reinforced to me how special my sobriety is....guess you need to lose something to realize how much it means to you....point taken Big Guy. I'm back and even more serious about my recovery....bless you all...
Your ordinary support system is not around you so you probably think that it doesn't matter what day you start over. Point is, with every drunk, you could die. And it is crushing your spirit. Stop beating yourself up and just start doing what you know you should do. Nobody is judging you here. We want you to stay sober. Stop killing yourself and let your fellow AA-ers help you.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I agree with Mark. Put the bat away or at least take the spikes out of it before hitting yourself over the head. Your an Alcoholic and your diesase will do anything it can to get you to drink. It will lie to you to get you to drink. It's cunning, baffling and powerful.
Your not a bad person, you a sick person looking to get well. Moments like these may just get you to a point of surrender and the willingness to get well. We call that the gift of desperation.
Thanks folks. I feel so alone and far from home right now, so this site is a real help. Just spoke with my sponsor and he'd advised me my number one priority is to get home...SAFELY...ASAP. Also spoke with a member of my home group which was very helpful. I'm scared, my spirit IS crushed currently, but I am hopeful as I've experieced the miracle of sobrety recent enough to be fresh...I know this program works if you work it. I just can't wait to get home to start workng it again on my comfortable home turf.
I won't drink the rest of this trip. I'm a classic spree drinker....I've got a full mini bar in the motel room that I haven't touched since I've bee here and have no desire to touch ow. All my episodes are event-driven....like a night on the town with vendors / customers or a football tailgate. I've elminated all the other events, but could not eliminate this one. And quite frankly, it was too early in my recovery but my ego wanted me to test it....and I failed spectacularly. I will need to consider this the gift of failure leading to the gift of desparation. Thank you for your support....
