I wanted to share 2 things this morning with y'all.First ,my 23 year old going in Monday for back surgery for a bulging disc that has been causing her severe pain for about 11 months now. After much prayer, 1st and 2nd opinions from medical people,ortho's and neuro's she has decided on the surgery.We will leave it in the Master Surgeon's hands.I ask if you would keep us and SARAH in your meditations,thoughts and prayers as our family truly believes in the power of prayer.
Next I just wanted to tell on myself ,briefly, as I have learned through many years of seeking the solution and not stayng mirred in the problem,that releasing my feelings helps me move forward. I know that a lot of life on lifes terms situations have been really coming to the forfront of my "fit spiritual condition' lately and I wanted to just share a brief encounter yesterday with the "insanity" in control(only briefly) check it ........Im heading to the store for lunch and approach a busy highway and im turning right when able.I look deep left and no cars coming and i just start to pull out and a bike rider comes right alongside my right window,I stop quickly,not expecting anyone on that side ,riding into traffic and turning left.Anyway ,he yells in my window,you A-- H--- look where your going you jerk..(I also am an avid bicycle rider and know riding in traffic is a mutt)..without thought I turn my car around and follow this biker down the road I just came from..PICTURE THIS>> this 64 year old man chasing a young(40's ?)man in his Lance Armstrong uniform and I yell out my window as I pull alongside, Hey man show some respect and don't speak to me in that tone of language,I apologize ,I didnt see you but there is no need for your response,he shook his head and said you almost ran me over as I spoke "loudly" he nodded his head and drove on, I turned and went back to get lunch........I never like to share a situation without tying it to a solution(12th step)....so as im sitting in my car looking at my part in this adventure,,(eating my lunch)reviewing his part,my part, and my reaction..I know my disease has been creeping around for awhile now as my "fit spiritual condition "has been lax to say the least ,ever since Florida return(and even while there)...Seeing ourselves coming is truly one of the blessing of our daily process,I can look back and see first, I have not been immediately and sometimes not even putting on the armor of God(that is my morning office of fervant prayer and reading my spiritual writings and seeking the application of them, next watching anxiety over future events coming up taking over my will ,saying to myself, I am turning over to "care" of but not really relinqueshing it, not allowing my fear to take flight as my faith stands firm in all areas and finding the "core" of our illness, self centeredness ,rearing its ugly head more than usual. I only share this ,as I am just human ,never think(well maybe not never:) that I got this thing down pat,no matter how much time I have been trying to work in the solution..It is only by God's grace I am able to self inventory, make amends,seek God's will,humbly ask,be ready (entirelY but sometimes like pulling teeth)continuing to surrender and knowing that even though I am back doing my 2nd step alongside 2nd tradition again,application is really the key(reading and writing only a part of the solution)..Man it was weird chasing that kid down, I am not a violent man,but this illness takes us to scary spaces...God allowed me yesterdays adventure to show me that I am never too far removed from not only the insanity of our illness but the insanity of "ourselves" our real problem..Thanks for allowing me to take part in my own recovery ,keeping things in the vast universe between my ears just impounds the "insanity' ...I entered this day, another miracle of life granted me,with a stronger reserve on how to go forward in a more loving and caring manner, stopping, looking at the insanity of just "reacting" and taking a look from every angle and understanding if it aint spiritual it probably aint practical......Have a blessed and productive day...feeling much better in God this day.
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thank YOU for sharing that...I can so identify.....Reminds me of how I get when Im running and some cars seem to steer towards me. I get down right irrate. But I need to run as if all the cars are heading toward me. Just is what it is. My reactions have not been the best and I to have to get back to basics. lol I had a guy in a jeep stop and give me the finger. lol for the life of me I didnt know what I did. I was behind him and man I almost pulled over and followed him to tell him to keep his anger in check.... ha took my own advice and realized he is young and owns the road. Thanks again Mikef your shares always help me. Have a blessed day!!!
My prayers for Sarah, you and your family Mike. I am sure it will all work out OK.
I enjoyed your post on the cyclist. I can occasionally lose it with them, they love to block the narrow roads and it gets me hot under the collar at times. But these days it soon passes. I was struck by the fact that you apologised to the cyclist, and with his nod he seemd to accept that and you seemed to part on relatively civilized terms, for two complete strangers! So how long did it take you to get from anger and resentment to making amends and asking forgiveness, two or three minutes? Mate, that sounds to me like a great example of the program (steps 10 and 11)in action. It doesn't seem that long ago when I would have completely lost it, there would have been horn blasting, shouting rude gestures, and then I would have stewed about it for days. Nowadays I would like to think I could follow the sort of example you set.
