I received some devastating news on Monday. My sponsor told me that she drank over the weekend and that she feels that she is not in the proper place to be sponsoring someone. I am so fucking upset - not because I need to find a new sponsor or because she relapsed - I'm so fucking pissed at this disease! I told her everything would be okay, that I would be there for her and that we can do this, we can beat this bitch of a disease.
So now my next step is to find another sponsor. Honestly, I feel like I just lost a friend and I am not ready to open up to someone else that may be a sponsor. Has anyone had a similar experience? Any advice?
I bear no ill-will towards her. I love her dearly and I want her to be okay. But I feel like I am shutting down in regard to finding someone else I can trust to be my sponsor.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Today marks my 72nd day of sobriety.
I'll just add a bit to what is coming along also and in part the opposite of resentment (against whatever) is forgiveness. Ours is not a moral issue and a disease as you recognize...It will always be after us; sponsor or sponsee because that is what it does...do what you need to do to keep 72 and move to 73. The opposite of anger is acceptance. Check out Dr. Pauls work on page 449 of the 3rd edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and meditate on it a bit. She drank and when she did she was still sponsoring you, teaching and showing you how cunning, powerful and baffling our disease is...it is progressive always. Thank her for the lesson and remain humble...which for me is "being teachable" as I have learned it in the rooms...let it all teach you. Don't drink before class, during class or when you're doing your homework. Ours is a life threatening disease.
Give her grace always with compassion and understanding as you have now for those tools keep us real and hooked up to the hemline of our HP's cloak who always gives us the same that we have the opportunity to give it away to others like us.
Your sponsor has 1 day of relapse and how many of sobriety? Work on perspective.
(((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 29th of September 2011 03:54:00 PM
My first sponsor has no involvement in AA these days, though not sure if he relapsed. I have learned that this is one of those areas where they say "it's a selfish program." Ordinarily, I hate that saying and don't think it applies. In this circumstance, you have to save your own ass first. You don't have time or energy to be that upset. None of us "beats" alcoholism. We surrender to it and work a 24 hour program daily. Find a new sponsor pronto and release your last sponsor to work on herself (not saying cut her off totally but she's right - she can't help you now like a sponsor should).
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
My first sponsor has no involvement in AA these days, though not sure if he relapsed. I have learned that this is one of those areas where they say "it's a selfish program." Ordinarily, I hate that saying and don't think it applies. In this circumstance, you have to save your own ass first. You don't have time or energy to be that upset. None of us "beats" alcoholism. We surrender to it and work a 24 hour program daily. Find a new sponsor pronto and release your last sponsor to work on herself (not saying cut her off totally but she's right - she can't help you now like a sponsor should).
Mark
Amen...Mark. You'll find a new sponsor bluebee. It might take some time, but you will...eventually.
Remaining true to yourself by staying sober of course is all you can do for now dear. And believe me, It's just what the doctor ordered, guaranteed. The rest bluebee, will work out over time. We promise...
Congrats on being sober for 72 days...
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 30th of September 2011 11:35:14 PM
Best piece of advice my late sponsor ever gave me was "people have feet of clay" meaning all humans including sponsors are prone to letting you down at times. He new I was beyond human aid and led me through the steps in order to put me in touch with the God of my understanding. That advice has helped me through all the trials that came in later life including the loss (feet of clay also means people don't live forever) of my sponsor, my father and my wife of nearly 20 years, and my dependence on God gives me the strength to take care of my children, my new partner and the ones I sponsor, and anything else that comes along. In the brochure "Emotional Sobriety" Bill W writes about placing our dependence on God, not on people and not even on AA.
Bluebee, I am sure wou will find a new sponsor who will take you through the steps. Pray about it, and circulate around the meetings and you will soon meet someone who will fit the bill. In this business of recovery, it is in the trying that we succeed.
My first sponsor went out. While it shook me up, I also got some great advice: get a new sponsor.
Maybe even a temporary sponsor, while you look around (but at 72 days you've been to lots of meetings and have heard a lot of people talk. You know potential sponsors).
Anyway, it makes you want to work the steps, doesn't it?
