tonight was my fifth meeting in a week and it was a steps meeting. i felt uncomfortable tonight with the people, especially a women who started going on you need a sponser and you should ask that bloke who had shared his story earlier. i bit my tongue and did not say owt but i was fuming inside. i dont need all that from someone in a group, i usually just go mad and have a go at somebody but i didnt.
first time tonight wondering shall i go again as these steps and sponser talk are doing my nut in.my head is in bits and totally did not feel like sharing as it all seemed to revolve round the steps and having a sponser.
i must admit im still not positive about things from my gambling addiction to these meetings and i suffer from paranoi feelings still. im two weeks off the drink but do i still keep going to meetings only time will tell. i keep thinking i dont need a higher power i can do it myself. silly billy gaz
There a plenty of meetings to choose from. Find the ones that you are comfortable in. Don't let anyone push you out of the rooms. This is a good opportunity for you to see what's it's like to be sober for while. It takes a little time to settle. It's worth the effort in every way imaginable. Hang in there.
Welcome to "MIP". I too, had a lot of questions about meetings and "AA" altogether. The most troubling question of all was the one concerning my alcoholism, and to what extent. Basically, I had serious doubts about my drinking and how deflated I'd become. The "tales of woe" shared by other recovering alcoholics were unidentifiable as compared to my situation, mainly due to my skepticism of course. The only way I could identify with the speaker was to put my spin on it, and place myself in his shoes at that instance. When I did, my alcoholism finally stood out. I didn't have to relive his torture test, because mine was just as bad. That's when I knew there was a problem, and the only solution that has worked for "me" since has been "AA".
One thing I love about sobriety is the clarity I feel today, regardless of my situation. I don't have to deal with all those lingering doubts about my drinking, and the other obsessive thoughts that were alcohol related. If any of us can question our drinking patterns and our concerns about drinking habitually, we probably have a drinking problem. Quantities don't matter, consequences don't matter. For me, the defining aspect of my drinking and the reason why I choose to live sober, is the obsession and loss of control that accompanied my alcoholism. My drinking was problematic, bar none and needed to be resolved rather quickly. If it didn't, my life would continue to spin out of control, precipitously. That's when I gave "AA" a try, and I haven't looked back since, thanks be to God.
However, It was my choice to sober up, not someone else. I live a sober life today for reasons unbeknownst to others and that's what matters most of all. It's about "my" feelings, not "AA", not other sober alcoholics, just myself. If you can remain sober by other means rather than "AA", then so be it. Just do it for yourself, not others. Remember, there might be a time when we feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of our surroundings and need some respite somewhere. If you do, give "AA" a call. Believe me, they will always lend you a helping hand when need be.
Oh...one last thing. Don't give up entirely on recovery services just yet. Why? there could be a place where you feel both welcome and appreciated, before too long, that's why. I hope you can envision "AA" as I do, and experience the same level of gratitude as I have, here and now. However, there's a certain measure of unbelief that can trip us up from time to time. Call it, a stumbling block to progress in the midst of everything else. Hopefully, you can get past those reservations too and start living the sober life within "AA' than without it. Hopefully...that will be the case; someday, somehow and before too long. Until then, don't give up on this fellowship or recovery services, and never give up hope. We won't, either should you.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 2nd of September 2011 10:36:51 PM
By the time I reached AA, I was so whipped by my alcoholism that I got a sponsor by day 6 and was doing assignments and step work. Don't be turned off by that suggestion. It's common practice in AA. It may seem odd or unusual to you. Just take my word for it, a sponsor is a good thing. A sober point of reference for you. It's not something to stress over. In fact, if you had a sponsor, right now they would be telling you that all of this AA "mumbo jumbo" did not make sense to them after 5 meetings and it was very intimidating and frustrating. Also, I recall feeling like I fit in but I was so new and unsure of myself that whenever people gave me constructive feedback, I took it as an insult and would be really upset about it. The point is, that lady was really trying to help you I'm sure and she just didn't know or doesn't understand that you are a little on the fence and her direct approach was intimidating. Just keep coming back. Try different meetings. My disease talked me out of going to AA for years. Don't let yours talk you out after just 5 meetings. You known on a gut level that the way you've been living isn't working any more. In my experience, AA is the best way to live sober. Please stick around.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
It happened that was for me also Billy and I got in, in early years where there were tons of AA Nazis, book thumpers, finger pointers and "you gotta do" dry people. They were trying to get me to do what they were doing thinking they looked wonderful doing it. Leave it up to them to pick a scary now not drinking alcoholic at the time. I was soft and direct and threatened the well beings of lots of them. I didn't drink for 9 years until getting into AA and that who journey was HP directed. I back doored AA after I had lots of program time and great sponsorship and all; so why did I enter AA after all that? I took the assessment and was told the next time I drink I die...simple. I didn't know then and don't know now when the next drink will be so I go to alot of meetings learning how to stay away from the next one whenever it comes around. It's tried to come around before and just recently as I remember and then I didn't drink and was glad I had the program to keep me tilting on the right side of not drinking. Do I need AA? The next time I drink I die...sound simple for me now....Keep coming back. Try what I did...go to 90 meetings in 90 days...don't talk just listen and after the meeting then talk.
I can surely tell you that although my only options were continue on and die or try and find a new way to live, I spent early years abstinent but in denial.Those people were as bad as the ones that were drinking,condescending,living lies,sharing clean ,living dirty,just like I grew up ,'do as I say ,not as I do ,hated it!!!(the monster disguises itself in many ways!!)I too,Like David,would spend time comparing and not identifying with the devastation the disease had put on my previous 25 years of oblivion while actively using.It was our "solution" working steps,with a sponsor that helped me realize the "exact nature " of who I was and what I was and also there was a "better way if I would just remain honest ,openminded and willing to follow some suggestions and do some work.As far as a Higher Power,you will come to understand that this Higher Power can be your own concept of(not someone elses belief)it is a process of coming to believe in something "loving and caring" and greater than you.It can simply start out as the evidence based on those recovering ,a day at a time in the group,something someone shares,something a sponsor may help you understand,GOD(good orderly direction,group of drunks)etc.Our lack of patience,tolerance and skepticism took awhile to develop while in the grip,like we say we didnt become addicted overnite,so easy does it!My 1st sponsor was an 87 year old hard core,live under the bridge type ,who didnt share steps with me but was moreof a mentor,showed me by his actions and how he lived and what the outcome of sobriety could be.He worked in prisons on Death Row sharing with inmates ,had a family that hated him and died "free from alcohol" but alone.Through everything he still carried a very strong message.There are many different roads to recovery,WE are a program for people who want it and not necessarily need it,your only requirement is the "desire" to stop drinking,Keep showing up,we'll love you until you learn to love yourself,try different meetings,identify with the reason your sittin in the chair and what you life has become...Hope to hear more from you....peace
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
"especially a women who started going on you need a sponser and you should ask that bloke who had shared his story earlier. i bit my tongue and did not say owt but i was fuming inside"
For me, one of the greatest gifts of working the steps in AA, and sobriety in general, is being able to be in situations like this and just thank the person for sharing their advice and walk away, rather than getting angry or acting hostile. Being free of those feelings alone is enough reason to stick with AA, IMHO, because it sounds like you've got a lot of them. :) GG
thanks everyone again i really feel partt of aa when i get responses such as these. i went to a meeting tonight and it was a totally different vibe and i felt different so i shared which i feel good about. less people and people on my wavelength regarding the steps etc. i will go abt aa in my own way and if i feel its right i will get a sponser of my own back, not people drumming it into me that i need one. a much happier gaz tonight. p.s thanks again people kindest regards
-- Edited by gazadaza on Saturday 3rd of September 2011 04:37:14 PM
