I'm having a hard time at the moment because I know that I have a drinking problem, and logically I know I need to quit, but by the time 4 pm rolls around my thinking has changed to how much I don't want to quit and I end up drinking again. I'm wondering how others have been able to move past this or do you just really have to want to quit to be successful??? I honestly feel really stuck by this. Anyone else felt the same?
Yes, I did feel that way all the way up until the consequences of ongoing drinking were starting to become so painful to me that I really did want to quit. Then I passed through a terrifying stage of wanting to quit and not being able to... Then I went to AA and that is how it progressed. You can skip it all getting worse if you want though. A low bottom is not a requirement.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
No, I guess it's not. I have a hard time seeing that without reminders because my dad set the lowest bottom there was for me as an example--he was an abusive, often homeless, Thunderbird drinking wino who didn't sober up until his liver erupted. I think this may have something to do with why I find it so hard to take care of myself, and I don't know how to change that. I used to try to change, but would only ever get so far with it before slipping back to my old ways. Now it seems I don't even try. I'm not sure where to go from here.
I started by going to AA meetings every night, so I could be around people who didn't see drinking every night as "normal." It helped me appreciate how "abnormal" my behavior had become, and also kept me busy and sober around the time the cravings really started to kick in for me (7pm-ish).
Get an AA meeting schedule and find a meeting that is closest to the time of day that you like to drink, and go there instead. If you're in a larger town there should be some 5:30 pm meetings. Those were some of my favorites. We called them "commuter" meetings because working folks would hit them on their way home from work. That's when I began my daily drinking.
I also started doing and still do a lot of meetings and speaking with others...during my day because it gives me the opposite of what I unconsciously and consciously use to do when I didn't have something else planned. When I was busy not drinking and learning about and how to be sober I wasn't drinking...how unreal is that? Give it a try...Go to a meeting and get phone numbers and then at 3:30Pm make an appointment with people in the program to meet before a meeting. Tell them why and they will gladly help you to do it different than your dad. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Welcome to the MIP forum. I think most of us have felt the same as you, I know I have. Many of us were logical in some areas of our life but when it came to drinking, logic was thrown out the window and we exhibited insane behaviours.
We are dealing with a mental obsession (prior to the 1st drink), and physical allergy of craving after the 1st drink. One tool is playing the movie "all the way through", we normally have the same results after picking up the 1st drink. Alcoholics are defenseless agaonst the 1st drink.
Most of us gained a new life and soberiety throught the rooms and steps of AA. Get to some meetings in your area and keep coming back to this board. If you are in a Metro area and don't like some of the meetings, go to some others.
Hope this can help.
Take care, Rob
From Big Book Dr's Opinion:
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I know a few people that started going to meetings before really really wanting to quit and then the AA participation spoiled their drinking fun and they got sober. Sometimes it does work that way.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I didnt want to quit drinking but the courts thought it would be a good idea. I had my second DUI and was driving in a blackout. I thought they were picking on me by making me wear an ankle bracelet and kept me in house arrest for 90 days. I had to blow into a device when I came home from any where and at a few other times during the day. What a hassle. What I didnt realize is that all that gave me time to dry out and start to understand I was drinking abnormally. 90 meetings in 90 days taught me about alcoholism. I had no idea. As I got time under my belt, (and it did take some time) I came to see what beautiful life was out there with out alcohol. I was missing out. I now feel like I have a little secret to life. I have a new normal. My mind told me I didnt want to quit, but thru AA I realized I was living with a disease and that I didnt have to drink anymore. I live a much fuller and happier life. I never knew it was out there. I always considered myself Susie half ass. But now I do the things I have always wanted to do. I am a much better mother, girl friend, daughter and friend. People can depend on me now. I take on responsibilities now. And I can commit to things and people now. What are you waiting for??? Get to AA and see how good it can be for you too!!!!! Good Luck and welcome to the boards and a new way of life.
When the pain outweighed the pleasure,jails institutions,deriliction and death (all around me) was becoming the norm for me and others,the options were go on to the same or find a new way to live...Was it easy ...no way ,was it worth it? absolutely now living a life better than I have ever known(and there were only years up to age 11 before I started the ride on the downbound train to oblivion. Give yourself a break,make a meeting,decide if you are willing to embrace an emotional acceptance of utter defeat,surrender to live and join us in a new way of living.We will love you until you learn to love yourself.It will take work and persistence but the rewards of sobriety(not just from the substance)and serving a Higher Power other than yourself and helping others will illuminate your life.Our message is hope and our promise is freedom from active addiction by following suggestions and reaching out for help,.....showing up here is a great start.We share a common illness,put down the poison,get to the "exact nature" of whats going on and walk toward the light ,a day at a time.We'll be right alongside ya!!!!
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I was sick of being sick and tired, totally miserable and anxious about everything. I could barely feel love or passion for anything except for when was I going to drink again for relief.
I had a moment of awakening when I realized it was the alcohol that was the root trouble after trying to adjust everything else in my life. I thought the alcohol was saving me, helping me get through and enjoy myself. It had pretty much stopped working. I came here after some online searches, and it was suggested I try AA meetings and sponsorship. So I did. So grateful for the willingness. I don't know where it came from.
My life on the outside looked the same as it had for the last ten years. I'd managed to buy a house, get married, and keep a job for nearly ten years. Inside, I was a mess and I didn't see much good about living life. So while I wasn't in jail or a mental institution or dead yet...for me the misery had to end. I had just enough hope and clarity to seek help. Thank the universe.
Things have changed dramatically for me. My outlook and attitude have changed. I chalk that up to applying myself to the program of AA. Check it out. It's not what I thought it was, and it's better and wider and more roomy than I could have imagined.
Welcome to "MIP". My reasons for sobering up had more to do with manageability than anything else. I needed to find a way to live with myself; not because I expected it to solve my problems or manage the stress in between, but to live a happy contented life, without the drinking of course. What I needed to realize most of all is that I can't drink responsibly as others could. I needed to take a step back, breathe, and let go of the urge. I need to do this again and again, and for as long as the urges continue. When finally did, something amazing happened, I didn't feel the need to drink as I once did. I was finally able to let go absolutely, and start experiencing life beyond the daily grind of drinking. "AA" and outpatient services has helped me manage life without the drink ever since, and life has come full circle as a result. I hope the same can be said of you, ODAAT.
Life is too short to ride fences, and as long as I dwell on the failures of my past and expectations of the future, I am missing entirely the only thing I've got to work with, which is this present moment. If I can remember all of this, I think I'll be set -for today. The more I fight the boundaries of sobriety, the more that I simply fight myself. That, my friend, is a recipe for disaster. So, don't fight the obvious, my friend, get connected, find a good "AA" group and start living life as it is meant to be; safe, sober and full of promise, ODAAT.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 2nd of September 2011 11:27:35 AM
Wow! Thank you everyone for your support--you are very inspirational! Listening to you makes me want to stop drinking so I've decided to start tonight. As I write this I realized I'm terrified of that prospect. It feels so final and absolute--I've actually got a lump in my throat just thinking about it. I feel like a fish out of water.
Hey Jade,we have all felt anxious and projected about the going forward,but just concentrate on a day at a time,hours at a time etc.I promise you the obsession and compulsion to drink will resolve but it is important to get a program in your life to face life on lifes terms without the use of the substance(alcohol).Try not to isolate,compare or let the "illness" tell you lies.Learn as much as you can ,a good start Alcoholics Anonymous(Big Book) you can actually download online,talk with others working an honest program and instill the "desire" to stop using in your being.....Keep coming back let us know how its going.WE can do this together.........
__________________
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I did feel like that, and as long as I did, sobriety did not seem very appealing to me. In fact, when I would think if sobriety, I would get a feeling like I was doing time in a cold grey cell. But I drank all the drink out of the drink and it cut my rear end up into shreds and I was given the gift of total desperation and was willing to go anywhere and do anything. Then I grabbed onto this AA thing ( which against popular opinion is not go to meetings and puke up about your day all over the tables ) which is, Get a sponsor, take the steps, help another dying alcoholic, and do it with all the vigor that a drowning person grabs onto a life preserver. Then those feelings you were talking about were not there any more. They were replaced with feelings of belonging, of purpose, and of freedom from bondage to ME ME ME, which is what I really suffer from. sobriety took on a whole other meaning for me. It no longer felt like doing time, but freedom from doing time..But it takes what it takes and unfortunately, most alcoholics die because they are unwilling to do things they dont believe will work, or listen to those who have been sucsessful, so they just suffer in the land of the living dead until they die and everyone they know is happy their gone. But some of us do get it, and for me it had to be like screwing a porcupine, when the pain exceeded the pleasure, I stoped doing it . Hope you get it soon but if you drink again, you know where we are and I hope you get the gift of desperation.
__________________
Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Yep, I was definitately an alcoholic who followed the clock. At 8 am queasy, with a headache and not enough sleep, the very thought of drinking repulsed me. By noon I was sure I'd drink again, but not tonight. By 4 pm, I was lining up where I was going to get my beer and by 6 pm, I was on my way.
I really thought that staying sober would require me to keep that 8 am feeling all the time. Fortunately that's not how it has been.
