This Saturday my oldest daughter Erin is getting married. I am sooooo grateful to be sober and to be there for her. When I was in the madness I always feared what the whole thing would be. Now I cherish our time together as we have planned this. There have been some tense times but nothing that I havent been able to handle and enjoy. Ok skip to this last weekend. My best friend from 3rd grade has a son who OD last wednesday. I found out it was his 5th time. He is 22 lives at home, was kicked out of school in the 9th grade so on and so on. She has always enabled him. She wanted to commit him to rehab this last time but under the law she was told that they could not make him. He came home to her hous e(again) She told him if he doesnt follow the rules he is out. lol lol (sorry) but heard that a million times. She is coming up north to the wedding and doesnt know what to do about her son. She doesnt trust him at home..... I had offered her my cabin to stay in after the wedding for a mini vacation. She told me that she might have to bring the son. I said I dont want him there. She said oh no he wont come to the wedding. I told her I dont want him at my cabin. I felt like I would be enabling her in the long run. I feel like she is the one who needs to hit a bottom. I have offered to go to al anon with her. Never hurt this alcoholic to learn more. but I think I will stop there with any advice. She needs to ask for it and when she has had enough then hopefully she will seek help and education about addiction. She thinks that he is just a bad person. I told her he is a sick person. She told me he wont go to rehab because he doesnt think he has a problem. I told her he doesnt. she looked at me and said he almost died. I responded with" well he didnt and he still has a home to live in and food to eat and he is just waiting for you to give in and give him money." now If he doesnt want to go to rehab then he is old and smart enough to move out. No money, no car, not job, no food and no house. hmmmmm maybe he will think that he just might have a problem. I know I need to just keep quiet and I will not say any more to her, but wowza pure insanity. I had to set my boundary and not let him come near my daughters wedding. It was hard for me and if I was in the madness I dont think I would have been able to be that strong. It was hard but I will not make it easy for them to look the other way. They want a junkie son who is insain living with them and they have to lock up everything thats thier business but not this recovering alcoholic!! whew just had to write it out...Thanks for any insight and everyone of my friends here have a peaceful day!!!
Thanks Suzie...this is similar to what I wrote in my last post. I'm working on learning to set boundaries and recognize something is sick and not for me and then to just stay away from it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hey Susie..yes you know I can truly identify as my 25 year ols son,has just celebrated his 1st year clean of devastating Heroin addiction after 7 long years of my wife and I living through the "war' of addiction in a loved one.I am also an active member of Nar-Anon ,similar to Al-Anon only for addicts(includes Alcoholics)(crying ourselves to sleep at night as we put him on the street 90 pounds,no where to live except in a car and a jones of $150.00 per day .We prayed that after all the overdoses,the ICU units, the jails ,institutions,derilication and literally death(anaphalctic shock)that he would find his way and not die,We were dying inside,my recovery after 20 years and my Faith was truly tested,God was our shield and strength. The hardest thing I have personally ever had to do... He was mercifully arrested and put in jail where he got clean again.... Just like us, the addict,the family and friends of the addict will all have to come to that emotional acceptance of utter defeat and surrender ,admit they are powerless(which actually equals hope) that they too can recover a day at a time and move toward the next step to recovery..... We had so many people tell us "what to do'.We could only follow our 3rd step(make a decision and leave the results to our Higher Power)turning our will and lives over to the "care of" and man did we need care..We still remain vigilante in our credit accounts(taken for a real financial ride, and our contact with him in our home. He was only 17 when things really started popping,so we had parental situations that caught us even more in the mix... Trust will have to be earned and it will be shown by his application of spiritual princiiples in his life.The healing has begun,but we were in "another war" one that God has helped us to recover from but when the bomb goes off we still duck.Through God's grace and mercy we will once again bridge the gap,a day at a time..stick to your belief system,allow your Higher Power to continue guiding you .There is a program for the mother,for the qualifier, and it is up to them to reach for it and we know what 'DENIAL" DOES.... you are working yours...excellent ..Congratulations on your daughters wedding ,give her a hug from "all of us" and heres one especially for you((((Susie)))))Be honest with your feelings,our enabling others only helps to continue there road to demisE,we are proven examples of that .....Let us know how things go okay!!! peace
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Congrats on becoming a Mother-in-Law. The marriage ceremony can be so beautiful. Call it, a wonderful rendition of "A Time for Us". I hope your daughter's wedding goes off as such. Something, I will pray for as the day drawers nearer, that's for sure. Enjoy...yourself dear.
I'm also sorry to hear about your friend's son. Something, I'm all too familiar with. My drinking got so bad that only an act of providence could lift the obsession from me. I was spared many more years of misery -thank God, but the damage had already been done. My options, according to the judge were as follows: another stint in rehab or jail...you choose. I chose the rehab -thank God, and haven't looked back since.
I hope her son finds the help he so desperately needs, and starts the sobering up process -once again. Sometimes, active alcoholics need a wakeup call -to nudge them in the right direction, and maybe this is his. We will pray for his recovery, your friends well being and for a happy marriage ceremony for your daughter as well. Please...keep us informed about his progress and never give up hope. We won't, either should you.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 23rd of August 2011 01:51:07 AM
What a nice post Mr. David. I felt the love. It also took a little of the sting out of anger that I have for my friend and her son. I should know better then to judge when it comes to addictions. She is ignorant about it and doesnt make the same decsions I would. Wow thank goodness im heading to a meeting. Have a peaceful day!!
