about trusting God and I was having it with a culturally similar fellow after this mornings AA at the Bay home group.  It was a special Saturday morning meeting.  The Sunday version of course is tomorrow.  Two of our members, both women were celebrating anniversaries; one of 10 years (I remember when she arrived and her journey intimately) and the other just got her 3 year chip.  And then there was the returnee, another woman of small stature if you only look at her person however I was looking down while she spoke about "coming back in" and all I could see was her feet and my feet side by side and I started to smile because HP told me "you can't tell who is larger that way...there is no difference."  I listened to her and the others and I learned more...grew.  We all have just this one day. 

After the meeting the conversation about trusting God helped me to understand that God is in the stillness and quiet...when I listen God speaks and I am practicing that.  It is a new practice for me, trusting without reservation and without getting anxious and needing to fidget.  I've had so many unconditional miracles in my life both attended by others and alone that I buzz myself that It should be easy for me however I also remember when I was drinking and what I practiced then...insanity.  My Hawaiian brother in recovery spoke about how we use to cliff jump...run out there and just leap into the air and into the pool beneath at the waterfall and that for him today in recovery it is not about just running out there but walking with consideration and caution even though we knew from our past experience that we could just get away with jumping because we could then and still can.  I mentioned about having the recovery experiences I have today and staying quiet and still rather than wanting to charge off the cliff.  I used to go over the cliff all the time and just hang way over the crevasse and then make it back to firm ground without falling and in that I discovered was the attendance of my HP, God as I understand God from my cultural beginnings and journey.  The conversation turned into a lesson on being patient and waiting to be used rather than interpretation and reactive choice.  Part of Sobriety for me is just that...awareness and patience and willingness to be used appropriately.  The compulsiveness is leaving...that "I can just because I can"  along with my sponsors question"but should you?" is that walk toward the cliff...with caution. 

So heres to any feedback about staying in one place, still and quiet and listening without movement until direction comes from HP.