The survey thread got me thinking... I've never been shy about sharing stuff at meetings, sometimes getting off topic into stuff alcoholics talk about like relationships and resentments and all that. Here in the forum with a further perception of anonymity, maybe some of us will say stuff here we wouldn't say at a meeting. Either very personal stuff, or just stuff that might not fly as a topic.
In my case, there are some personal details that people in my home group know about that I do NOT share here, because here I *do* wish to remain anonymous. This isn't a meeting, it's the internet, and this forum is a public place. If I were coming in cold, I might not be shy but I do have a long time presence both on "the net" and within AA, and I suspect someone who knows me reasonably well from either venue could probably identify my posts here.
So when I first started here, I kind of had the option - do I stay on the sidelines and disclose little or no personal stories, or do I share more and just not be too specific? The choice was easy... I pretty much have to get personal, or I have nothing to say. I'm not much of a generic AA quoter, it's of no use to me - or to anyone else I suspect, if I'm not sharing some personal experience.
So I guess my answer to the subject title is no, I don't use this forum as a place to share secrets beyond what my friends and home group members already know about me. Yes, I do have some, but they aren't particularly nasty... ordinary even... but they don't belong on the internet.
Welp, personally,... I don't worry about what someone else finds out about me... my life is an open book. However, I don't post here what I would not be willing to talk openly about else where or with any one else. If I share something here, its simply because I have weighed the pro and cons and decided that I can live with the results of sharing on a very personal note.
Now, as for my anonymity... I can share whatever I'm comfortable with about myself. But as for your anonymity, I do not have the right to share anything I know about you with any one else at any time, nor share that I read what you said here, and repeat it.
My general rule of thumb is if I wouldn't share it at a meeting, I probably don't need to share it here, but I don't hold myself to that without any flexibility.
I like that the Big Book says.."We share in a "general" way....
When I start going into details, I'm processing more of the mess than I am the message based in a solution.
I guess my answer to the subject title is "no". I don't use this forum as a place to share secrets beyond what my friends and home group members already know about me. Yes, I do have some, but they aren't particularly nasty... ordinary even... but they don't belong on the internet.
Barisax
Hi Bari,
Thanks for the topic. I'm in complete agreement with you Bari on the level of anonymity we should use on the internet. This forum does have its benefits, but it can also be used to both demonize and demoralize anyone, especially if they have a sense of "who" we are. I try to remain open and honest as best I can when sharing my story, but there are times when extra precautionary measures need to be taken to insure our anonymity, especially on any recovery forum not just "MIP".
I try to be discrete as possible while communicating on the internet, even though some of my personal experiences can leave certain "definitive" and "identifiable" clues. I like to be brief and to the point about my alcoholism and how recovery services -like AA and this forum- have helped me achieve lasting sobriety. I will in no way, however, allow anyone to vilify me nor give them creditable information that can expose my anonymity in any way. I take my anonymity seriously and I would expect others to follow suit -regardless.
Now...about the other question. Would "I" share certain things here or just at meetings and/or vice versa? Maybe, it really depends on what we are talking about though. Like I said, I try to help others as best I can and if my story or personal experiences can help, then so be it. However, I would only disclose what I think is pertinent and leave out anything that can in some way cause me "distress"-that's my polite way of saying...breaking my anonymity. Once again, I try to keep it brief and try to keep it real. That's how I practice "AA" internet protocol. Bottom line...
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 13th of August 2011 05:26:13 PM
Hello Bari! I usually spend more time replying than my own sharing hoping any ESH I have can be helpful to someone....When I share about something going on that I feel I need to share, I do here ,in the rooms,with my sponsor and always with my God! I am obviously not putting my 4th step up here for general view but I am very comfortable with who I am and who knows about me.It was very obvious to everyone(except me) knowing about my 25 years of addiction ,so I also am not shy about who knows of my recovery. I am conscious of this being the inter-net though and just like the rooms ,there are things I only share with my sponsor. At times it is difficult to interpret something I"read" rather than "seeing response's as it is FTF. MIP has been a great asset to my process allowing me to feel. learn and identify even more with what we have in common our illness, alcoholism and all its accompanying insanity..
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
After thinking about it, I have disclosed a few experiences here that I have never disclosed at a meeting, mostly because they where relevent to a issue someone was having and I thought they could help.
I usually save the dumping for my sponsor or the poor guy who needs a ride home after the meeting :))
We must remember that anonymity is not a option or a personal choice we can make, the words are "we need always mainain person anonymity at the level of press radio and public internet sites.
If you are here and you are posting here, it is assumed you are a member of AA, and you should take resonable care to be anonymous. Anonymity is key to protecting our program as well as the individual.
Sharing personal information via private message is fine
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.
What about anonymity? We observe all A.A.s principles and Traditions on our Web sites. Since anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, we practice anonymity on A.A. Web sites at all times. An A.A. Web site is a public medium, which has the potential for reaching the broadest possible audience and, therefore, requires the same safeguards that we use at the level of press, radio and film.
-- Edited by Rob84 on Saturday 13th of August 2011 12:53:05 AM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Bari, "Our stories disclose in a GENERAL WAY" what we were like, what happended and what we are like now" form the preamble used in many AA meetings. I have found this a good guide, especially when as a newcomer I lacked judgement. So I would never share anything here that I would not share at an AA meeting but bearing in mind " we will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it" I will share practically any and all of my experience on a one to one basis if it will help the newcomer. Initially of course this was the stuff reserved for my sponsor only. I am mindful of two lessons that came my way over they years. In early sobriety a huge man came to our meeting. He was a gang member and extremely intimidating. When asked to speak he shared some really off the wall stuff, not in an offensive or grandiose way, but things that should not be divulged in an open meeting. While no one took offence or passed judgement, I overheard an older member gently suggesting that it would be better to get a sponsor to share these matters with. I am sure this man was genuine in his desire to get help and that he thought he was doing the right thing, but a day or two later he realised what he had said and the consequence for him was he felt he could not return to AA, and the result of that was that he took his own life. A tragedy. More recently we seem to have the deliberately indiscreet exhibitionist who occasionally raises his ugly head and proudly confesses the worst parts of his 5th step, playing especially to any ladies in the room. Fortunately it is not too common but as some of our female members have told me, this can be very frightening and or traumatic for them especially if some man appears to be boasting about behaviour that these women were victims of. So I have learned that inappropriate (I really hate that word!) sharing can be dangerous for the sharer but also for the listener. "Our stories disclose in a general way" is very good advice indeed.
Generally speaking, this is a good opportunity to remind people to ALWAYS remember that this is a pulic forum -- my life may be an "open book" to my friends and family but not potential employers, that ex who is trying to stalk me, my nosy neighbor, etc. Be careful!
Generally speaking, this is a good opportunity to remind people to ALWAYS remember that this is a pulic forum -- my life may be an "open book" to my friends and family but not potential employers, that ex who is trying to stalk me, my nosy neighbor, etc. Be careful!
GG
Exactly, meetings aren't exactly always "safe" either
Problems to the sponsor
solution and "general way" honesty, as in how I navigated heinous s*** in sobriety at meetings
here to argue about how "the's" are actually in the Big Book and what Bill meant by each of them
-- Edited by LinBaba on Sunday 14th of August 2011 11:20:42 PM
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Generally speaking, this is a good opportunity to remind people to ALWAYS remember that this is a pulic forum -- my life may be an "open book" to my friends and family but not potential employers, that ex who is trying to stalk me, my nosy neighbor, etc. Be careful!
GG
Heard a speaker one time, I had known him for a while and seen him in meetings but had no idea who he was. Turns out he had been somewhat "in the news". But I had never connected the name with the face, until he disclosed all of this at the meeting. Not long after, I was able to read his AA story - almost verbatim - in the newspaper. I guess due to his public exposure, he didn't exactly have any secrets. I can't imagine what it would be like to have my recovery under such public scrutiny. Kind of lost touch, I think he left town to try and get a fresh start. A geographical cure post-sobriety? LOL... I wish him well wherever he is. I think in his shoes, I'd have done the same thing.
Sure I share things here that I wouldnt share in a meeting. Its easier to 'spill' here than at a f2f mtg.
For whatever reason, I feel like you guys dont know me, but on the other hand ya sorta do. If I say something here I probably dont have to worry about it getting spread around town and that in itself is comforting to me.
I had it drilled into me early on that I don't openly share in detail anything i don't want repeating in the market tavern on a friday night. That works for in the rooms and on the net. The heavy shit gets saved for a face to face with the sponsor. I'll argue here but try my best to fight clean and not shoot myself in the foot. An older, wiser guy told me one of the reasons for sharing all your deep shit with one man is then you know who's legs to break if it gets out.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
If I think it's pertinant and will be helpful to a newcomer or any suffering alcoholic, I don't really give a rats a$$ what I share, I don't really have any secrets, that being said, I don't share much about my personal life on here as a rule
My home group was pretty intimate I pretty much shared what was going on there, I trusted everyone in that room
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
