Hi!! I am an alcoholic and newly sober... 72 days and feel great. I have drank hard core for 10 years and just came to the point where I wanted more from life. My question is I find myself preparing myself before something stressful ie long shift, argument with my husband ect by for wanting to escape to the bottle after. Not one situation has made me waver ( and there has been many of these situations) but it just hit me if I am actually being smart and precoutious or doubting where I am and my strength? Any words or oppionions would be helpful. Thanks
Welcome to the MIP forum and congrats on the 72 days!
Everytime we manage through a difficult situation without drinking personal growth begins to happen. Our personal growth and strength had been stunted by the alcohol and fears, anger, resentment and other character defects that come along with it.
In my early days, many everyday adult situations seemed like big obsticles to face without a drink. As we negotiate the situations sober, our courage and faith will grow.
Alcohol is cumming , baffeling and powerful, we are powerless over it, not powerful. Must keep out spritual condition in order and remember sobriety is our #1 priority. It is good to be precautious, you drank hard for 10 yrs, a little self doubt is in order.
As you grow in the program and work the steps drinking will become less and less a option.
From Page 85, after the 10th step.
"We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will."
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Welcome to "MIP". I can relate so much to your situation and how apprehensive you feel. I had similar feelings early on in sobriety where self doubt and confusion caused continual stress in my life. These tumultuous feelings wreaked havoc on my emotions and continued on for the first year or so in sobriety. Then came the acid test...Can I stay sober through it all. Guess what??? I did.
So, what happened??? I slowly learned how to listen and listened to learn. I developed a sober routine which included the advice of some very influential people and how to "partner in" with other sober alcoholics of course. Basically, I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel and "AA" and my sober network became the glimmer of light I so desperately needed. They taught me how to remain sober through the good times and bad; that whatever happens in sobriety, good, bad or indifferent, I'm not alone in this battle, that there's help available for us all. The help, this recovering alcoholic so desperately needed came the day after my first major ordeal in sobriety, a day I aptly called "my spiritual awakening". That's when "AA" stepped in and life as I know it has improved a hundredfold ever since.
I suggest you take full advantage of all the tools this sober life has to offer, especially if you're new to sobriety. Tools, which can save your life -one day at a time. I had the privilege of seeking out good counsel most of all, a reliable network of sober alcoholics who became my eyes and ears in early sobriety. I started to assume a steady posture through life's seemingly unstable surroundings and did so by trusting the advice of my sober friends. Basically, I had to rely on their expertise above all else. Their sobriety was tried, tested and true my friend and not only were they able to get through the ebbs and flows of life, but did so without picking up a drink. Basically, they were able to pass through the storms of life and did so without regret. That...my friend, was the program in action. These people quickly became my trusted allies and for good reason. They proved beyond a shadow of doubt that life can go on despite our alcoholism. This was my epiphany and can by the grace of God be yours as well. I hope you're able to connect with similar acquaintances and start living life as it is meant to be for many years to come.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 5th of August 2011 03:03:49 AM
Congratulations of you "new way of life" Awesome.......we learned for a long time that that is what we did in situations(sometimes actual reservations,i.e. leaving room to pick up in any situation)Continue working the process ,a day at a time, and like stated we get stronger as we work thru "life on lifes term" situations...Keep coming back
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Ok wow guys thanks so much. Was not expecting such detail and insight!!! It's greatly appreciated. I am in the beginning of working the fourth step and I am going to take my time for sure with it. I have to say I was shocked to find that what they people were saying actually applies to me too!!! I am in that "new car smell" phase though (as I call it) where I want to keep/ do everything perfect. I love/tresure my "new ride" and want to keep it that way as long as possible, if that makes sence. I do utilize a lot of the tools out there and love finding new ones daily ( this site especially). I have mentors that are spiritual leaders and a huge part in my life. However they can't understand alcoholism. I have a counselor. An I have found my home group bu haven't picked a sponsor yet I know that will help. Going through this with a less than eager alcoholic husband gives me no support at home and fear sets in. I'm now learning that is a huge part of step 4 but it's more like a respect I have for alcohol and it powers. I know it strength I'm living in the wreckage and I want to stay as far away as possible to it. Thanks again for the much needed advise and I'll deffinately be around!!
" I am in the beginning of working the fourth step and I am going to take my time for sure with it."
" I have a counselor. An I have found my home group bu haven't picked a sponsor yet I know that will help. Going through this with a less than eager alcoholic husband gives me no support at home and fear sets in. I'm now learning that is a huge part of step 4 but it's more like a respect I have for alcohol and it powers. "
Hey there Ash, Welcome to MIP, AA, and a new way of life, IF you want it. 72 days is a big accomplishment for some of us, and I know what that feels like to be there where you are. Prudence is definitely a wise thing to use when there is doubt as to how smart a certain action might be, and fear, well, I could go on and on about that one. Fear has made me sit on the porch and do absolutely nothing and it has driven me to jump into a river I know is too big to swim. One thing I have found though is that with out a spiritual experence, all the prudence in the world wont do a damn thing when my will power has worn out and that thing is on me that makes my spirit feel empty and vacant. Its like tightening your hand in a vice and you have no control over the screw getting tighter and tighter, comes a point that I will do anything to get free, even cutting off my hand. And I know that about myself. If your a real alcoholic, with out a spiritual experience, its just a matter of time till life get so painful and empty that you will forget the pain from the last drunk and you wont care about the pain from the next one, and you will pick up again. I have proved that myself over and over again. You said your working the 4th step, with whom? if its a counselor, and they are not alcoholic I would be a little Leary. The reason we get sponsors is that they have trudged the way you are going and can show you where pot holes are and where to put your foot to get the best footing. The steps "inventory and amends process " and then helping others for fun and for free are the only way for a hope to die drunk to keep that monster at bay, and then the tenth step prommise happens, which was quoted by Rob84 earlier. Any way sounds like we beating a dead horse, but I think we do that cause you can always tell an alcoholic, just cant tell them much..again welcome..
-- Edited by billyjack on Friday 5th of August 2011 08:15:22 PM
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Thanks billy!!! I hear ya!! Yes unfortunately I am a true alcoholic but have had the spiritually awakening, devine intervention, and wake up call I needed. I have always believed and trusted in the Lord so that was easy to recognize and listen to. My mentors are all family, pastors ect who are devout christians yet have never walked this path. They offer much but don't understand and believe "in god fixing me"!!! Here was part of my problem. I didn't want to doubt myself much less gods ability to deliver me from this but just like christanity u can't stop there without growth or u will falter and be drug under. I have 2 councerlors who are addicts with years of sobriety, but still searching for a sponsor. I believe I know who I will pick but want one on one time with her to talk further. I want someone that we have a real connection with and can relate too. Question. What happens if it doesn't work out? Like spirtial views, she isn't available enough ect?? Don't know how that works???
heya Ash, one of our founders was profoundly spiritual and religious, and got drunk every night, the other had turned his back on the religion of his youth and gotten sober
what they learned and has been proven by countless millions of alcoholics over the last 75 years is you can't give away what you don't have, and none of your "advisors" have alcoholism or the personal knowledge of how to recover from it
Kinda like me, a man, giving a women advice how to give birth, I'm incredibly unqualified, I have never been through it, and all the books in the world will never give me the experience of giving birth
This program works because it's one alcoholic talking to another, and as Albert Einstein says, "you can't fix the problem with the same thinking that caused the problem in the first place" ie we (alcoholics) always think if we try a little harder for a little longer we'll "get it" this time, many of us could put together periods of not drinking but until we sat down with an alcoholic -with a good working knowledge of the disease of alcoholism who HAD recovered by utilizing the twelve steps- our long term efforts at sobriety were doomed to failure, if -just- religion worked for alcoholics, there would be no AA
Those of us that commit fully to the program, get a sponsor, work the steps, do what is suggested, and help others get and stay sober....those that don't...just...don't....no matter how religious, I mean it does happen but lightning strikes people too occasionally
this works
that doesn't
kinda like if you see children playing on the freeway you can state pretty categorically they will be hit by a car, one or two might not....maybe...doubtful....chances are slim but it can happen.....
we can state categorically that people who don't fully immerse themselves into the program will return to drinking, in almost, not all, but almost every. single. time.
So it depends how badly you want to -stay- sober, if you do, there is an answer and we have it, and part of it will be your Church, we will re-enforce and strengthen that bond, because it's a SMALL but integral part of the Program, the other part is working with other alcoholics, doing what is suggested, then passing that on to other alcoholics, the symbol we have is a triangle inside a circle, because it takes all three parts of the triangle to stay sober, not just one
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
It sounds like you are right on track and the experiences you are having are very normal for early sobriety. It is dangerous to go without a sponsor though. You are going to need to rework all the steps starting at step 1 and do them with a sponsor.
Lots of folks delay obtaining a sponsor because they think they have "trust issues." This is another way of saying "I prefer to be crippled by fear." You already have done so great in going against the pressures that face you....just take that 1 more step and your program will really kick into high gear hopefully.
Glad to hear from you :)
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Aloha Ash...thanks for the resentment picture which reminded me of the old simple explanation or metaphor of "drinking a glass of poison waiting for someone else to die". There are others...Keep coming back and staying sober with us. ((((hugs))))
