If I had to nail it down to one reason why I drink I'd have to say because I'm like a raw nerve ending that can be easily become emotionally overwhelmed by the world around me. Sometimes by the pain and sadness I see, sometimes by childlike giddiness and over-excitement...often just by the pressure and weight of being an adult and the responsibilities that come with that.
Throughout my life I've sought help from counsellors and psychologists to see if I'm bipolar, or if there's some other mental condition causing me to be this way and they've found nothing wrong with me. After many long discussions and test teh best they can tell me is that i'm just a sensitive person.
I don't know if anyone can relate to what I'm saying...I guess I'm just letting it out. I don't expect anyone has any answers.
I learned that I did not cause this disease, I can not control it, and I can not cure it. It is a "no-fault" condition that affects my entire body and being, in dreadful ways. I have other conditions that do provoke the desire to self-medicate but in sobriety I have learned that solves nothing-ever-, and makes things worse-always. So I don't waste time anymore angsting orver "why". My job is just to not take the first sip, NO MATTER WHAT. Some days easier than others, for over 25 years now. And I am as much an alcoholic today as I was the last time I drank-nothing has changed in that regard-it is a biophysical reality; I manage it like I do any other condition, like diabeties, by following "doctor's orders", which in this case are the 12 steps and everything I have learned about relapse prevention. I don't always like the answers, but I always find them in people and places like this.
If I had to nail it down to one reason why I drink I'd have to say because I'm like a raw nerve ending that can be easily become emotionally overwhelmed by the world around me. Sometimes by the pain and sadness I see, sometimes by childlike giddiness and over-excitement...often just by the pressure and weight of being an adult and the responsibilities that come with that.
Throughout my life I've sought help from counsellors and psychologists to see if I'm bipolar, or if there's some other mental condition causing me to be this way and they've found nothing wrong with me. After many long discussions and test teh best they can tell me is that i'm just a sensitive person.
I don't know if anyone can relate to what I'm saying...I guess I'm just letting it out. I don't expect anyone has any answers.
you are a garden variety alcoholic who may or may not have read nearly that exact description out of some AA literature, just like your "God why have you forsaken me" post, good heartstring tugs on an AA forum, both of em, what you write may or may not be true, but it like you are using The Bible to wipe your ass as you ask about God, you KNOW what the answer is, you KNOW where the answer is, and I think deep down you probably DO want help, but .... God and AA only help those who help themseoves, and you are batting a big fat zero there
shit or get off the pot or stop doing "drive by's" here
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Like Lin said, you are just a garden variety alcoholic. We all can relate to the alcoholic mind and insanity of actions you described, we where dealing with untreated alcoholism.
We can ponder "reasons" for the rest of our lives, but that won't solve the problem. Accepting our condition, dealing with the "here and now" and embarking on a program of action suggested in the steps of AA will return us to sanity.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Everything you've posted since I've been here, I've read. All of it. You know why you drink as you do. I'll remind you. You're an alcoholic. Your posts walk like one talk like one and fly like one. I guess you is one.
Change you sig. calling yourself tipsy mcstagger suggests you aren't taking this seriously. Either rename yourself bullshitting bertie or trying to get sober or summat. Anything that tells the truth.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
That was my first thought too. What is wrong with you? It's so obvious. You are an alcoholic. If we allow ourselves, we grow up in AA and stop being so scared of adult responsibilities and rejoin the human race more like normal people. Perhaps you would like to stop being terminally unique or perhaps you want to cling to it forever as has been suggested by others here.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
For me it is and was a behavioral thing...what ever I thought and what ever I felt it is what I did that I needed to change. Think what I may...feel what I might and...don't drink. When I stopped drinking my entire life started to change and it became important to grow it.
Today what encourages me often are the "talkers" about AA and how it works for them and when just a wee bit of adversity arrives react as if there is no other god but them with ego and pride so fragile that they take personally what has nothing to do with them and at the same time admonish as if they are the keepers of the principles. They give away their peace of mind, soul and spirit easily and then openly offer examples of why no one would want to stand in their shadow; they stand in front of their own light.
This is a simple program for complicated people...First thing first...stop drinking. You don't have to drink. There is no written law that says you have to. It is a compulsion that doesn't have to be followed. Stay connected with your Higher Power. Change programs...give your's away and accept the steps, traditions, slogans and concepts of recovery instead and practice only those. We will be with you in the fellowship of the spirit as we trudge the road of happy destiny. "Except those who will glady give up what ever recovery they profess to abuse your efforts that is."
Tipsty, I think you may find, as many of us did, that the alcohol is just exacerbating some fairly common traits and discomforts, an that those would be a lot easier to deal with if you quit drinking.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Tipsty, I think you may find, as many of us did, that the alcohol is just exacerbating some fairly common traits and discomforts, an that those would be a lot easier to deal with if you quit drinking.