I'm Tony, an alcoholic who is grateful for every sober day. Just today I had the experience of being BANNED from an AA chat room for a rather tame but inapropriate remark. It was only my 2nd day online (have only recently, thanks to an Aust' gov't promise) been given satellite access to b'band), and I couldn't believe my instant expultion . I figure none of us gets here for 'good behavior', and I've had to practice a lot of self acceptance and forgivness for my appauling drunken behavior in the past, but e-AA's action made me think that it must be an exclusive 'club-for-SAINTS!!' They flew in the face of Trad' 3, and have acted, as the 12x12 says, like judge, jury, (and potentially) executioner.
I immediately apologised, but am still refused entry. I need to vent my feelings about this to prevent a resentment growing, (the number 1 offender). Fortunately, I have 11 yrs of AA experience, (despite many brief relapses), and am aware of some of my defects and shortcomings, 1 of which is to retreat in shame, and have a pity-party! Thank God I don't have to do that anymore! I do feel like AA principles have been breached, but at least I can accept that NONE of us are perfect, and that it is just PEOPLE, not the PROGRAM, that has me feeling this way.
Amazingly, when I found THIS site, one of the first things I saw was the topic: "First woman kicked out of AA"! I was blown away by how much it applied to my situation!! So I know I'm on the right track by looking elsewhere for the support and involvement I need.
As I said, I'm very new to cyberspace, and hope I can get some guidance in becomming 'part-of' something 'greater than myself'. Looking back on my 35 odd yrs of addiction, I can see that my motto was: "The only difference between God and I, is that God doesn't sometimes think He's ME!!!" Therefore I will keep striving for deeper humility (as opposed to humiliation), and always try to do the "next right thing".
Hope someone understands. Actually I KNOW someone understands. At the very least my H.P. does! So despite feeling lonely now and then, I know I am never alone.
Look forward to less clumsy interaction with you good (if imperfect) people!!! LOVE IN RECOVERY,and LONG LIVE AA! Tony A. (NSW Australia)
Aloha Tony...It took me a long time to get over setting people up to "how I was" and that's just the way it was. It was my ego of course and I spent more time defining it and justifying it until I got into recovery myself and started understanding "why work at and use what doesn't work"? Why because I kept walking around announcing "This is me...This is me and I need a spotlight". Up till that time most all of the spotlights I was getting was from handhelds and car mounted issues of the authorities. But I kept up the show until I came to understand that the truely sick in my life was how I was living it and needed to learn a different way of living against my own desires.
Humility I learned was not looking small and unloveable but "being teachable" and when I learned to get over myself I was able to manage small lessons and then others. One lesson I learned was that I was devoid of guilt and shame and a normal conscience which included acceptance and respect for others..whoever they were. Of course then I had no use for guilt and shame and conscience...they interfered with how I saw myself and impressed that upon others.
I've been kicked out of AA meetings before and had become experienced at accepting "my part in it". There is a tee shirt message I've seen out in public that announces "Instant assho**, just add alcohol". From my experience I understood that often I could have worn that tee with slashmarks thru every word other than "assho**". Taking on and nurturing a conscience with empathy, compassion, respect and all those other "nice guy" values was hard work for me after I let myself be convinced that they and more was necessary or I wouldn't outlive my fatalistic personality.
But that is past thanks to the spiritual 12 step and 12 tradition program of AA and the AFG. I am not a god of any sort or the seeker of a spot light...today I'm just a servant of and in recovery and grateful beyond all getout that others are around to hold up the light for me to walk by.
Welcome to the board...I've never seen a person get kicked out of MIP. I have seen several of my posts and responses disappear into cyberspace though...kinda like "Magic in Progress" rather than Miracles in Progress.
Keep coming back...
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 28th of July 2011 11:41:14 PM
Yeah, hi & thanks Jerry, Steve, and David. I'll get used to this messageboard soon enough. I'll practice as often as I can. I'll find out how to access to 'chat rooms' (if there is one) later. The sun's setting here, and I've had a productive, sober day. Good to meet you.
not exactly kicked out of AA though. Just an on line forum. They have rules. Sometimes explicit more often implicit. This forum seems more relaxed than many thankfully but I'll bet there are rules somewhere. Any road up welcome aboard.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I'm Tony, an alcoholic who is grateful for every sober day. Just today I had the experience of being BANNED from an AA chat room for a rather tame but inapropriate remark. It was only my 2nd day online (have only recently, thanks to an Aust' gov't promise) been given satellite access to b'band), and I couldn't believe my instant expultion . I figure none of us gets here for 'good behavior', and I've had to practice a lot of self acceptance and forgivness for my appauling drunken behavior in the past, but e-AA's action made me think that it must be an exclusive 'club-for-SAINTS!!' They flew in the face of Trad' 3, and have acted, as the 12x12 says, like judge, jury, (and potentially) executioner.
I immediately apologised, but am still refused entry. I need to vent my feelings about this to prevent a resentment growing, (the number 1 offender). Fortunately, I have 11 yrs of AA experience, (despite many brief relapses), and am aware of some of my defects and shortcomings, 1 of which is to retreat in shame, and have a pity-party! Thank God I don't have to do that anymore! I do feel like AA principles have been breached, but at least I can accept that NONE of us are perfect, and that it is just PEOPLE, not the PROGRAM, that has me feeling this way.
Amazingly, when I found THIS site, one of the first things I saw was the topic: "First woman kicked out of AA"! I was blown away by how much it applied to my situation!! So I know I'm on the right track by looking elsewhere for the support and involvement I need.
As I said, I'm very new to cyberspace, and hope I can get some guidance in becomming 'part-of' something 'greater than myself'. Looking back on my 35 odd yrs of addiction, I can see that my motto was: "The only difference between God and I, is that God doesn't sometimes think He's ME!!!" Therefore I will keep striving for deeper humility (as opposed to humiliation), and always try to do the "next right thing".
Hope someone understands. Actually I KNOW someone understands. At the very least my H.P. does! So despite feeling lonely now and then, I know I am never alone.
Look forward to less clumsy interaction with you good (if imperfect) people!!! LOVE IN RECOVERY,and LONG LIVE AA! Tony A. (NSW Australia)
Hello and welcome
I had an old grandsponsor who gave me a tool that never failed to find what the "problem" was
a pocket mirror
If I have a "grudge" or a "resentment" the BB tells us the first thing to do is quiet that resentment, that it has the power to actually kill
secondly I have the steps, particularly the fourth step, well 4-9
You said you were inappropriate and they kicked you out
we escort people from meetings if they don't behave, Tradition One is clear about that, the group comes first, the individual second, we don't get "get out of jail free" cards to act like a-holes, we learn to "respect the house we are in" and follow the rules, we break the rules, we get tossed out on our ass, it's that simple
be mad until you're blue in the face, it only hurts -YOU- having a resentment is like drinking poison and hoping they die, simple, don't be inappropriate, I suspect you won't get banned
I suspect it was only a 24 hour ban from one website, you weren't "kicked out of AA" (we like being drama queens here, you'll fit right in)
I've done stuff like this except I've learned I have this called a Program of rigorous honesty
My process goes something like this now
I have a resentment because I got kicked out
what was my part?
I broke the rules
affected my ego, pride, selfish self centered self self self consumed with self, selfishly not caring about the other people in the room or how my behavior might affect them
oops
make amends which has NOTHING to do with "apologizing" apologizing is a "formal defense" amends is "fix what I broke"
So I respect the ban
go back the next day and apologize, maybe post an open letter -strictly- sticking to -my part- the inventory is mine, NOT the other man's
behave in the future
help newcomers and try to see how I can ADD to life rather then being the center of attention and making everything about me
just some ideas, you say you are "AA", OK, that is what the actual "Program" of AA "looks like"
Show me you are a member
-- Edited by LinBaba on Friday 29th of July 2011 02:28:41 AM
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Hey Tony welcome to the board and the internets lol. To add to what's been said. Neither this board nor the chat room are AA groups. That said, like Bikerbill mentioned, there can be rules and *gasp* banishment. Speaking of judge and Jury; any chance you can copy paste the transcript from the event that separated you from your previous psuedo AA affilition? You know that i'm kidding right? Chat rooms don't store posted messages.
Thanks LinBaba. Yes indeed,"resentment corrodes the vessel that contains it", and yes I have looked at, and voiced my part in it. My lesson is: One mans joke is another mans insult, so I'll strive to be more aware of my choice of words.
Thanks LinBaba. Yes indeed,"resentment corrodes the vessel that contains it", and yes I have looked at, and voiced my part in it. My lesson is: One mans joke is another mans insult, so I'll strive to be more aware of my choice of words.
For me, we all make mistakes, that frankly isn't the issue, I -F- up all the time, less then I used to but still it happens, we all make mistakes, we're human
it's what I do -after- I make the mistake that's imortant, I don't walk around with a giant knife in my back that I put there myself asking everyone to admire it and note the "wrongs" done to me and put on a show like I used to, mainly because people in AA either laughed at me or I got asschews like these
I fix my fault and move on, it aint the "making mistakes part" that the program intitially addresses, that comes later, good judgement and wisdom come from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement, initially steps 1-9 (step 10) are to clean up the messes we make on a near daily basis as well as the wreckage of the past
Hell I been banned from plenty of places, kicked out of others, and jailed more times then I can count, aint no thang, it's what I do -TODAY- that's important, and if I mess up, clean up and move on, life's a lot easier that way...
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Thanks for the "pocket mirror" tip, Linbaba. So true! Your online nickname reminds me of varios 'gurus' that i chased via psychedelics (to no avail). You, however, speak the truth i need to hear. Thankyou
Thanks for the "pocket mirror" tip, Linbaba. So true! Your online nickname reminds me of varios 'gurus' that i chased via psychedelics (to no avail). You, however, speak the truth i need to hear. Thankyou
google the name, along with Shantaram
no, not guru, opposite of guru, very very....bad humor, tongue doesn't go further in cheek then this name
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Tony...I was kicked from that site on thursday for making a simple remark no vulgaraty, harrasment or attacking. I sent a complaint to AA Internet Intergroup and they said they couldn't help since each group is autonomous...well gee wiz I know about group autonomy after all I have 35 years. But how does one approach the group members in the realm of group conscious when one's IP is banned? Duh.....so its just the chat coodinators judgement that gets ya banned...how does that work? Thankfully one person at Internet Intergroup is looking into the situation for me.
. I figure none of us gets here for 'good behavior', and I've had to practice a lot of self acceptance and forgivness for my appauling drunken behavior in the past, but e-AA's action made me think that it must be an exclusive 'club-for-SAINTS!!' They flew in the face of Trad' 3, and have acted, as the 12x12 says, like judge, jury, (and potentially) executioner.
*gasp* banishment. 
Speaking of judge and Jury; any chance you can copy paste the transcript from the event that separated you from your previous psuedo AA affilition? 
You know that i'm kidding right? Chat rooms don't store posted messages.